What do you do if you suspect your partner is cheating

Pollycat

DealSharer wrote: »

He is acting strange, sometimes picks a fight for no reason and then leaves, sometimes takes off his wedding ring, secretive on phone calls and who is calling

How long has this been going on for?
Could there be another reason e.g. stress at work, worry over his health?

I think if it were me, I'd ask him why he's acting strange, why he sometimes picks a fight for no reason and then leaves, why he sometimes takes off his wedding ring, why he's secretive on phone calls and who is calling.

You may not like the answer.

I would certainly not access his emails or check his phone.

unholyangel

BAFE wrote: »

Sorry I put that incorrectly.

What I meant to say was that if he's secretive with his phone and doesn't allow you access to it, then he's likely cheating.

You need to get hold of that phone and examine it with a fine toothcomb.

Or perhaps they're having relationship issues, he's discussed it with someone and doesn't want her to see what he's said in case it hurts her feelings?

charlie3090 wrote: »

firstly,why do you think they are cheating,

anything specific or just a gut feeling?.

Many people who are cheated on will tell you they had a gut feeling. A gut feeling (or intuition if you prefer) is usually just your brain processing things that your conscious mind has yet to realise.

Human mind is a fascinating thing imo.

DealSharer wrote: »

He is acting strange, sometimes picks a fight for no reason and then leaves, sometimes takes off his wedding ring, secretive on phone calls and who is calling

I don't want to really say one way or another whether he's cheating because (and I don't mean this in a negative way so bear with please) we only have your perception of it and don't know whether your perception is skewed by anything (such as insecurity). But if your assessment is indeed correct then I would lean towards him having feelings for someone else and wanting to end things with you.

Picking fights over nothing is usually what they do when they want to end it but feel like they need justification for it. At first they may tell themselves they'll wait for a really good reason but eventually, they just end up breaking up with their partner for some silly reason that was blown out of proportion.

How are things with you two generally? Hows conflict dealt with? It sounds like your relationship may be going through a rough patch so I think a heart to heart is definitely called for. I'm not so sure on asking if they're cheating though. I'd probably ask if they were happy in the relationship and if not, what issues they feel there is and what they would like to see happen to fix them (if anything).

thorsoak

Just ask - are you cheating on me? And have a plan of action in place if the answer is yes. Far better to face your fears.

eschaton

unholyangel wrote: »

Or perhaps they're having relationship issues, he's discussed it with someone and doesn't want her to see what he's said in case it hurts her feelings?



Many people who are cheated on will tell you they had a gut feeling. A gut feeling (or intuition if you prefer) is usually just your brain processing things that your conscious mind has yet to realise.

Human mind is a fascinating thing imo.



I don't want to really say one way or another whether he's cheating because (and I don't mean this in a negative way so bear with please) we only have your perception of it and don't know whether your perception is skewed by anything (such as insecurity). But if your assessment is indeed correct then I would lean towards him having feelings for someone else and wanting to end things with you.

Picking fights over nothing is usually what they do when they want to end it but feel like they need justification for it. At first they may tell themselves they'll wait for a really good reason but eventually, they just end up breaking up with their partner for some silly reason that was blown out of proportion.

How are things with you two generally? Hows conflict dealt with? It sounds like your relationship may be going through a rough patch so I think a heart to heart is definitely called for. I'm not so sure on asking if they're cheating though. I'd probably ask if they were happy in the relationship and if not, what issues they feel there is and what they would like to see happen to fix them (if anything).

I take it that you are not expecting OP to reply to that?


You are putting far too much effort into this when OP is saying nothing.

pickledonionspaceraider

We have no idea really OP, we are just a bunch of strangers on a screen

You need to do what you think is right as none of us know your Husband as well as you do, to pick up the signs

Good luck

I wouldn't read anything into the phone password. It is standard procedure these days, I dont know anyone who does not do this - if you lost your phone, a random person could get access to your bank details, all your social media, your emails. I dont know my husbands pin and he doesnt know mine

bap98189

BAFE wrote: »

If his phone is passworded, he's cheating.

Eh? My phone is locked and needs a PIN or fingerprint to open it. Nothing sinister, it's just for security reasons.

Although having said that OH's fingerprint can open it too. Mostly as it's handy if she can answer it or read texts etc. when I'm driving.

NYGiants

BAFE wrote: »

Sorry I put that incorrectly.

What I meant to say was that if he's secretive with his phone and doesn't allow you access to it, then he's likely cheating.

You need to get hold of that phone and examine it with a fine toothcomb.

Or a fine-tooth comb :whistle:

northwalesd

NYGiants wrote: »

Or a fine-tooth comb :whistle:

Or even a fine-toothed comb

charlotte1994

BAFE wrote: »

If his phone is passworded, he's cheating.

My phone has a password, in case I lose it and some random person picks it up! My boyfriend knows my phone password and I know his.

Comms69

charlotte1994 wrote: »

My phone has a password, in case I lose it and some random person picks it up! My boyfriend knows my phone password and I know his.

Can I ask why?


Whilst I don't have anything on my phone that would cause anyone alarm bells, I still feel it's a privacy issue.