Help with asking a friend to move out....

ftb_deena

Hi all. I need some friendly advice.

My boyfriend and I bought a house last April. Around the same time a friend of mine was going through a rough time and needed somewhere to stay to get her life together.

We agreed to let her stay from July 2018, pay £100 rent per month whilst jobless and £200 when she had found a job.

Prior to moving in, I sent her a word document listing everything I expected from her whilst living with us and included “work towards moving out by April 2019. If this isn’t possible, let me know.” I did not ask her to sign it.

So she got a job within a month and has been paying the £200 monthly rent and saving. With now two months to go until April, I need to tactfully ask her if she’s started looking elsewhere or is on plan to move out...

She has spent a lot of money learning to drive over the past few months and has mentioned that she wants to buy a car once passed. In my mind, she needs to spend money moving out first and THEN buying a car.

I really don’t want to upset her and I do feel awkward about these kind of things. Just looking for some help? Thanks in advance. Appreciate it.

Comms69

ftb_deena wrote: »

Hi all. I need some friendly advice.

My boyfriend and I bought a house last April. Around the same time a friend of mine was going through a rough time and needed somewhere to stay to get her life together.

We agreed to let her stay from July 2018, pay £100 rent per month whilst jobless and £200 when she had found a job. - were you living there?

Prior to moving in, I sent her a word document listing everything I expected from her whilst living with us and included “work towards moving out by April 2019. If this isn’t possible, let me know.” I did not ask her to sign it. - Don't start a career in contract writing

So she got a job within a month and has been paying the £200 monthly rent and saving. With now two months to go until April, I need to tactfully ask her if she’s started looking elsewhere or is on plan to move out... - So ask her, she's your friend

She has spent a lot of money learning to drive over the past few months and has mentioned that she wants to buy a car once passed. In my mind, she needs to spend money moving out first and THEN buying a car. - Unless you know how much money she has, your opinion on the matter is rather pointless

I really don’t want to upset her and I do feel awkward about these kind of things. Just looking for some help? Thanks in advance. Appreciate it.

Just ask her is the April deadline is manageable.

ftb_deena

Thanks... I guess I’m just very awkward. Lol.

Yes she is living with us, in our spare room. We are also housing her indoor cat.

I don’t know how much money she has, but I know it isn’t bundles.

hazyjo

Personally, I'd think it a bit soon to ask. I'd be waiting until March-ish, or even the actual deadline of April.


I'm sure you could swing the conversation round to moving, say you and your OH would love a bigger place (don't care if not true) and get the conversation round to her plans.


If she has a BF, say something like 'do you think you and X will buy or rent soon, or is it early days? (Or whatever wording might suit.)

G_M

ftb_deena wrote: »

I really don’t want to upset her and I do feel awkward about these kind of things. Just looking for some help? Thanks in advance. Appreciate it.

"Hi Joanna (or Isabelle,or Francine). As it's Feb, so coming towards April now, I just thought we ought to have a chat about your next move. We initilly agreed you could stay till April and we've been happy to have you, but Denis (or Julian, or christopher) and I are making Easter plans so wanted to confirm 1st April for your move-out date."

"Blah blah, excuses, very dificult, blah, no deposit for a flat, blah driving lesones blah"

"Yes we understand all that but it's been 6 months now and there's plenty of time before the end of March to find somewhere now you're working"

If the blah blah excuses continue - shorten the notice and ask her to move out in a month as "it's obviously becoming awkward now because of his misunderstanding".

Either way (whether she agrees to April 1st, or you have to escalate to 1 month notice (March 1st) ) write a short friendly note to confirm so that it's in writing

charlotte1994

Maybe strike it up casually some how? Like tell her you've seen a place to rent that looks perfect for her, or is closer to her work. I know it can be awkward as you don't want to rock the friendship, but you have to be firm as it is your house, and you want to spend your time with your boyfriend.

getmore4less

Would having another car be a problem.

next time she mentions getting a car, just say
"would it not be better to make sure the place you are moving to has room for a car before buying one"

weather83

I think G_M's script looks good. Just bring it up casually, and hanging it off Easter plans is a good idea. Don't feel awkward. It's your house, and you've been a good friend letting her stay.

I really, really would not wait until March or April to have this conversation. It may well be that although you said April, she might not have taken it as a firm date.

The fact you want her out on April 1st may come as a surprise to her or she may pretend to be surprised because she doesn't want to leave!

If you have this conversation in late March, she doesn't have much time to find somewhere, and you may well end up letting her stay longer...

-taff

£200 a month all in? Who'd pass up a chance to keep that going as long as possible....
As above, ask now how she's doing with regards to the April deadline. You don't have to explain anything or make up stuff about what you two will be doing, just that April is approaching and has she seen anywhere suitable for her to live yet?


You teo didn't buy a house so you could have a gooseberry and it's not very fair of her to ignore the stipulations you made to start with.

Dean000000

getmore4less wrote: »

Would having another car be a problem.

next time she mentions getting a car, just say
"would it not be better to make sure the place you are moving to has room for a car before buying one"

sledgehammer approach....like it lmao

Sibz

Perhaps it's time to create a new room-mate agreement.... :P

More seriously though - the car could help her move out going forward though. Without having her own vehicle she'd be limited to places that are both suitable properties and also within suitable access to public transport between the places she needs to go. With a car it opens up other properties for her to consider.

If you have felt moderately awkward for months - one big hugely awkward moment could bring it all to an efficient end... Perhaps you could install a massive and clearly visible cctv unit in the bathroom? Or start shaving her cats body but not it's head and referring to it as a lion? Or you could start bringing round blind dates to meet her randomly...