I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

ivyleaf

So sorry this has happened, it's a great shame and i hope you'll start posting again at some point x

Helebore

Am so sad that this has happened, I know I'm a lurker but I really feel cross for you, losing this space to mull over your life. I hope whomsoever reported you has it bounce back on them as negatively as possible. Helena

Almost-free

I haven't been on here properly/regularly for years- so rarely in fact I couldn't remember my log in details. It's taken me over three weeks to catch up here, and even then I was skimming and only reading mooloos posts for the most part.

I wrote this out a couple of days ago before I saw that Mooloo had to stop her posts here - I’m not so sure she was reported. I rather think they have been monitoring her and decided enough was enough . Maybe it will be good did her to pull away from here , she still I’m sure will get plenty of support from those subscribers who tell her what she wants to hear.

Years ago ( under a different username- I’m terrible remembering log in and have long since stopped using that email address) I more or less got run off here for having an unpopular opinion: I said that I felt DS was being neglected during all the mayhem around the twins,and that he was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

Reading all of this as I have in quick succession really does highlight and clarify the family dynamics here. The truth is, we teach people how to treat us. DS learned that if he was to get his mother's attention, he had to be like the twins. I'm sure this was a subconscious decision, but non the less he chose a selfish !!!!less partner and his children have ended up no better off than the twins'.

As for the twins, once mooloo withdrew her constant support/control they did in fact find lives for themselves. Maybe they would have done so earlier and avoided some of their own drama if she had put the brakes on earlier.

Now we have the grand daughter living in chaos as she navigates the quicksand of adolescence. Heaven knows why social services haven't had her under constant surveillance by camhs with access to regular counselling as a matter of course. Any suggestion that she is showing signs of distress sends mooloo into a fit of defensiveness rather than a call to action.

The other thing that shows up clearly, is that it isn't really mooloo but her mother who ultimately underpins the finances in this family . It was obvious how regularly she has paid off debt or paid for holidays at pretty regular intervals through all of this. As mooloo has enabled bad financial decisions in her children, her own mother has ultimately enabled mooloo , as subconsciously she knows her mum will ultimately stump up £5,000 or whatever to save the day.

The latest decision for mooloo to take charge of these latest two grandchildren is I believe foolish in the extreme. Ŵe all know what an absolute crock of sh*t social services and housing etc made of things the first time mooloo chose this path. Personally for her there have been positives- such as getting off her pain medication, finding her own health again and setting up a cracking little business- but for DGD I'm not so sure it was the best decision, despite all of mooloo's love and sacrifice. She's grown up in chaos and may well seek it out as the norm for herself going forwards.

As for biggest, she comes across as a Spoilt selfish little madam, but of course she has been party to all of this chaos as well.

I have worked 'in the system' for years and I know all about the statistics of children that go into care. Given that, you would think social services would support and monitor people like mooloo to make sure the 'keeping it in the family ' option is better- but they don't, and I honestly believe that they are completely wrong, are being completely lazy with this decision and that DGD will be a casualty along with the two youngest grandchildren.

DS is still young enough to produce more children- what happens then? What happens if DGD joins the circus and also gets pregnant ?

I'm fully expecting to be flamed for this post. It also became apparent binge-reading this thread that anyone who suggests anything less than Saint-hood for mooloo is quickly attacked and dismissed as a bad person, and indeed it happened to me before.

It's not too late for mooloo to stop this latest nonsense. Despite what you think mooloo you are not the answer to all your families problems - in some ways you are the root of them. IMO ( and I'm entitled to one, especially after over 30 yrs of working with dysfunctional families) either DS should be house and supported to keep the children himself self with A LOT of support ( it is possible to get these packages - it's just much cheaper for social services to dump kids on family members ) or probably more realistically they should be placed with a loving experienced foster or adoptive family to grow up away from all this nonsense .

As with the twins, social searches won't stop misbehaving and taking advantage until mooloo puts the breaks on. She has also taught them that she will allow herself to be manipulated, perhaps out of her own need to be in control or seen as the saviour for her family. I have a disabled child myself and I know what it is to fight for what he needs. It's exhausting. I've never believed however that I can be all or everything to him .

Some of the people who have asserted on here that they wouldn't allow their grandchildren to go into care and would do as mooloo has clearly have absolutely idea of 1. How difficult it is or 2. What is best for a child. That will always depend entirely on the circumstances and who is available to look after that child. It doesn't appear from what's been shared here that social services ever looked very hard at all to find a safe nurturing long-term placement for these youngest two boys, away from this family.it never fails to amaze me that social workers and courts place grandchildren with a grandparent who has themselves struggled to raise their own children into independent, nurturing parents.

If mooloo is going to carry on with this, she needs to develop a list of absolutely everything she needs now and going forwards in order to formalise this arrangement. Support needs to be set in stone- in black and white that she can refer back to and use as a stick to force the full support and financial support required. Hopefully then, these boys won't be in the constant chaos of financial problems along with all the other things that are probably going to go wrong along the way. The introduction of universal credit can go either way as a net- some people are much better off under this new system, whilst others are vastly worse off. If mooloo is unable to keep her business going at home under these new circumstances, this is a huge consideration.

I wish you well Mooloo .

whiteguineapig

I will miss you too Moo, I wish you and your family well.

spirit

[QUOTE=Almost-free;76211492




I'm fully expecting to be flamed for this post. It also became apparent binge-reading this thread that anyone who suggests anything less than Saint-hood for mooloo is quickly attacked and dismissed as a bad person, and indeed it happened to me before.





.[/QUOTE]



No flaming from me. I've been a lurker for years - with just the very occasional comment. I've noticed the above happening all the time and agree, it's not helpful to Moo.


I agree with most of what you've written in the full post.


People need to remember that adage - "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got".


Sadly not much seems to have improved for her over the years. she's still in a right old muddle and unlikely to be able to buy that bolthole in Portugal.

climbthatwallseegar

Another long time lurker (I think almost 10 years) who has never commented before. I’ve both admired and felt frustrated by some of her decisions over the years but never doubted she acted with the best of intentions in extremely difficult circumstances.

However I agree with almost everything Almost free has written. If Mooloo takes one post away from this thread to reflect on I hope it is that one. If this thread continued I fear we will have continued to read about the same problems repeating themselves in Mooloo’s life in the years to come.
I also think it is disturbingly easy to find pictures and information about Mooloo and her family online and from a safeguarding perspective it is very worrying. We have no idea who reads this thread and the malevolent actions they might take armed with the very personal information Mooloo has revealed.

Mooloo, I hope I’m wrong and I truly hope your dreams come to fruition at some point in the future. I can’t think of many people who deserve happiness more than you. I wish you the very best.

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma

I agree totally with the last few posts and cannot understand why just the name has changed and the thread not locked. Posting and PM would not be affected it worries me as in a few days/weeks we will see more posts and be back to seeing the usual posts that SS have complained about.

JGB1955

Changing the name hasn't done anything to hide all that has already (and continues to be) revealed. I hadn't even previously thought to do a 'search' but, having done so, was shocked at how much information was out there....just saying!

dreaming

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma wrote: »

I agree totally with the last few posts and cannot understand why just the name has changed and the thread not locked. Posting and PM would not be affected it worries me as in a few days/weeks we will see more posts and be back to seeing the usual posts that SS have complained about.

Mooloo has already said that she will stop posting - at least for a while and then possibly just post about her sewing. I think it is possibly being left for now so that those who follow her can see what has happened rather than just have the thread locked or deleted. I would never "flame" anyone on an open forum for voicing their opinions good or bad and I only post occasionally. I try to be helpful without either telling Mooloo she is wonderful or wrong or anything. What is wrong is to think (as Almost Free does) that people who post have no idea about the problems either from a professional, or personal stance. I have experience from both sides of the coin and other than knowing how to navigate the various systems that make up social care at the moment, my professional experiences did not help me a great deal when my family situation imploded.

Both_Feet_on_Terra_Firma

dreaming wrote: »

Mooloo has already said that she will stop posting - at least for a while and then possibly just post about her sewing. I think it is possibly being left for now so that those who follow her can see what has happened rather than just have the thread locked or deleted.
Mooloo can quite easily start a new thread regarding her sewing, holidays anything but her families personal life and if this thread is closed it will still be here for anyone to read she has started a new thread before when SS got involved but asked for it to be deleted just changed her name then reverted back and carried on in the same vane . This whole sorry situation needs to be brought to an end then there would be no issues with SS whilst this continues she is at real risk of loosing all 3 children i really dont think that this thread continuing is worth that risk