Vorarephilia - anyone got experience?

Skint_Catt

My partner is into the above and although I've known for over a year, it's only since we've moved in together last month that its started to disturb me. He uses Poser a lot to create his own images and visits websites. He's told me before that he 'gets off on it' and together with the lack of intimacy between us its really starting to play on my mind.

Does anyone else have experience of this as a partner/wife?

Thanks

Catt xx

foreversomeday

Hi Catt,

I'm not really sure you'll be able to find what you're looking for on a fairly tame website like this one. I'd recommend looking at forums more central to sexuality or relationships. Perhaps try http://www.ivillage.co.uk/boards

I've never been in this situation personally but speaking as someone with a "taboo" fetish/sexuality myself I can tell you that your partner is probably all too aware of how you feel. The lack of intimacy tells me he's withdrawing from intimacy in an effort to "protect" you. (Of course I could be wrong, this is just how I'd interpret it.)

If you can bring yourself to, make an account with him on a forum related to his sexuality. Let him know how you feel but make him aware you're willing to try and understand and compromise. There are often "Vanilla" partners who are unsure, worried or even disgusted by their partner's desires. It's a perfectly normal reaction - but ultimately, if he can't or doesn't want to change, and you can't come to terms with it, it might be the beginning of the end of the relationship.

HTH
Amy x

Skint_Catt

He knows that I signed up to one of his websites last year in a bid to understand and I haven't had a problem with it, really until this week when he satyed on his PC until gone midnight while I'd gone to bed and I knew what he was doing. I'm the only partner he's ever told about this and I want to understand, but considering we should be ripping each others clothes off after moving in together and having privacy for the first time just isn't happening. I may be blaming this and it isn't at all. maybe he just doesn't fancy me as I know my weight puts him off (I'm not massive but have lost 1.5 stone recently with 5 more to go).

Pink_butterfly_3

I've never heard of it before but just googled it.

What a very very strange fetish. I'd be a bit worried that he'd be planning to try and eat me whilst I was sleeping or something.

Not very helpful am I? Sorry.

Where does it come from? Has he always felt this way?

If i'm completely honest with you, I don't think its something I could live with in a partner. It seems slightly sinister and I think that I would honestly worry a little bit about my safety! Especially if he really started to get into it.

Maybe i'm misunderstanding it, so tell me if i've got it wrong.

EDIT - I just wanted to add that I am definately no prude and am not trying to offend - its just my honest opinion. Obviously everyone is different.

Skint_Catt

He's been creating 3d images in software called Poser since he was 14 or so. They're pretty good, but I don't 'get' the fetish myself!

The safetty is not an issue - there is no desire to act it out! He has a leg fetish too (just not mine!) and likes to see bare legs disappearing into the mosters mouth. As there are no 'real' monsters it can never be acted out. He is loving, caring and supportive in life.

Skint_Catt

PB - I take nothing of what you said as offence. I'd never heard of it a year ago! And I'm not sure I understand it any better than I did then.

Pink_butterfly_3

Skint_Catt wrote: »

He's been creating 3d images in software called Poser since he was 14 or so. They're pretty good, but I don't 'get' the fetish myself!

The safetty is not an issue - there is no desire to act it out! He has a leg fetish too (just not mine!) and likes to see bare legs disappearing into the mosters mouth. As there are no 'real' monsters it can never be acted out. He is loving, caring and supportive in life.

Its possible the weirdest fetish i've ever heard of. I can really understand why you don't get it. I really don't get how watching a monster eating a leg can be in any way sexually arousing.

The lack of intimacy could be down to your lack of confidence at the moment - in your self and your other half. I know that when I put on alot of weight after having my babies, I just hated DH seeing me naked or anything like that because I was sure he would be disgusted with me. Plus it can't help matters much with this weird fetish thing playing on your mind all the time.

ceridwen

Had to google it myself to see what it is!!!

...... and I then "put my running boots on"... as in, if I found out a partner of mine "got off" on that..... then I would run a mile - in the opposite direction to him.

Addition: and - at a practical level - how about keeping up the weightloss programme you are on .. thus giving yourself more choices of potential partner..... and then go do some hunting of your own (as in hunting for another partner).

alwaysonthego_2

I have lived a sheltered life!

Emmzi

All sorts of people have all sorts of fetishes, and if this is his thing, so be it, if it isn't hurting anyone and doesn't freak you out.

But with all fetishes, the problems start when they start being more important in your spouses life than you/ your relationship/ making you happy.

Replace 'looking at the internet' with 'going to pub with mates' or 'watching football' or whatever. If he were doing those activities for the amount of time/ intensity, would you be annoyed? Would you say anything?

Guidance counsellors will sometimes recommend self esteem or assertiveness coaching for a partner who allows themselves to play second fiddle to a fetish. Relate may also be helpful (once you get past the waiting list!)

If you aren't happy - speak up now, or face a lifetime of 'but you knew what I was like when we...'

ceridwen

Fetishes are a bit of a different "ballgame" to spending time at pub or whatever...

I do know of what I speak.... as an ex of mine had a particular fetish (not that one).... and I spent time finding out about it/going along with it...... but, in the end, I thought "okay....I've done the broadminded/liberal thing...tried to be understanding....but I really dont like it..and I am as entitled to not want to be involved in it as he is to be involved in it" and, as it turned out, there was "more to it" than there appeared to be on the face of it - as, lets just say, he turned out to be exploitative of other people of a much more "vulnerable" variety than I am. My first instincts turned out to be the correct ones.

Theres fetishes (harmless variety) and then there is the "others". I would say his falls in the category the "others".