What the hell have we done

Aaleigha

happyandcontented wrote: »

I am sorry if this offends, but she is his mother and your reaction does seem a bit extreme, both to the issue and to your OH.

I appreciate that you may have medical problems but I am sure he is not doing things simply to annoy you. Do you have help for your Bi Polar? How would you feel if he couldn't cope with it anymore?

As I said, I really don't wish to offend but if a man wrote in the same way about his partner I doubt he would garner thanks. Quite the reverse, so I couldn't read and not comment.

Surely it doesn't matter whether male or female surely we should all treat other with respect and not think worse because I was a man

Hubby has just read your comments and told me to say something about his and mine history with her as he calls her the mother from the pit of doom


If you read it all and he history between my mother in law and my self perhaps you would not be so harsh and if you knew what had also happened to my husband as a child perhaps you would see these visits for what they are duty as he says if he could have divorced his mother for his abuse he would have I do not want to put more details than that as its private and more his business than yours

As for my reaction to him piling on so much debt again you don't know more than. The bare outlines for the situation

It's my diary and if I want a damn good moan then so be it


I know exactly how.i would cope if he couldn't cope
As I tell him regularly I couldn't live with me but as he says it's different


I hope knowing a bit more, far more than I wanted to say on here (and I would have sent a pm to ask personal questions about anyone's mental health and ask if they were OK not post such comments openly in their diary ) you will perhaps, as my husband says, have more compassion for him and less for someone who doesn't deserve it (His words)

If you want to know more about our experiences please ask but have the courtesy to do so via pm


And for the rest of you, please know,I did not post what I did to gain sympathy I only said as much as I did as I felt I had to defend myself. we both know it's our history and we have both been in couselling for quite some time now both for different issues but many of them very very much along the same lines

So yes I do have support with my mental health all booked for a new psych assessment I have them three monthly at present, and my wonderful wonderful counsellor for five years now that costs most of my ESA every month


Roll on Wales will do our mental health no end of good
Neither of us want to wait any longer than necessary

To all of you that said nothing or showed compassion in MPs my most humble thanks

Choccygirl123

I think all families cause stress in their own way and no one truly knows what goes on behind closed doors. It sounds like my hubby has similar issues with his relationship to his mum. It's hard trying to maintain that link when it can feel one sided, but you do the right thing and make that visit. It's really annoying about the ticket and I guess at any other time it wouldn't have felt so bad. You've so much going on it's bound to feel like the straw that broke the camels back. Hubby has had a couple and they drive me mad. The last one was driving in a bud lane....it was so poorly marked because I was in the car with him. Grrr! £40 is two yummy takeaways fir us all.

Keep focused on your new fresh start and make sure you get some time just for you abd that you're looking after yourself. Mental health is just important as physical. A lovely hot bath and book always does the trick for me.

I

happyandcontented

I very much agree with your first comment which was why I posted as had you been a man the word abuse would have been used.

I don't use PM as I am of the opinion that if you wish to address another poster about an issue they have written about then it should be done in the medium they chose to outline it- a public forum.

Yes, it is your diary but you have chosen to 'publish' it online and therefore, it is open to question if you post something that other posters find worrying or abusive.

I asked about your mental health and the support you are receiving out of compassion but from your reply, that intent seems to have been misconstrued.

As I said, I am sorry if you were offended, but I won't be taken to task for my comments on your post as I believe the tone they were expressed in warranted them. It is your prerogative to disagree.

Aaleigha

Choccygirl123 wrote: »

I think all families cause stress in their own way and no one truly knows what goes on behind closed doors. It sounds like my hubby has similar issues with his relationship to his mum. It's hard trying to maintain that link when it can feel one sided, but you do the right thing and make that visit. It's really annoying about the ticket and I guess at any other time it wouldn't have felt so bad. You've so much going on it's bound to feel like the straw that broke the camels back. Hubby has had a couple and they drive me mad. The last one was driving in a bud lane....it was so poorly marked because I was in the car with him. Grrr! £40 is two yummy takeaways fir us all.

Keep focused on your new fresh start and make sure you get some time just for you abd that you're looking after yourself. Mental health is just important as physical. A lovely hot bath and book always does the trick for me.

I

Thank you so so much for your kind words
Now you know how I am today it actually made me cry and your words felt like a physical hug xxxx

I am so at the edge I have booked in to have my nails done (I am now a nail tech and usually do my own) could probably save the money but.....

So my very not money saving confession
But I withdrew 20 from my ESA to pop into emergency fund as I need to start a new one xx

Aaleigha

happyandcontented wrote: »

I very much agree with your first comment which was why I posted as had you been a man the word abuse would have been used.

I don't use PM as I am of the opinion that if you wish to address another poster about an issue they have written about then it should be done in the medium they chose to outline it- a public forum.

Yes, it is your diary but you have chosen to 'publish' it online and therefore, it is open to question if you post something that other posters find worrying or abusive.

I asked about your mental health and the support you are receiving out of compassion but from your reply, that intent seems to have been misconstrued.

As I said, I am sorry if you were offended, but I won't be taken to task for my comments on your post as I believe the tone they were expressed in warranted them. It is your prerogative to disagree.

I don't care if you would be taken to task or not
I wrote it yes but YOU made me write about what my husband went through all be it with his permission

I do thank you for your apology

But after last night it hasn't helped but hey ho who cares

I really don't have time or mental energy to converse on this issue further

happyandcontented

I made a comment and you chose to respond. No one made you do that. Please take responsibility for what you post and don't shift the onus onto others who are merely responding to it.

I apologised if you were offended, but I stand by the comments.

Aaleigha

so in my life today the following things have happened
I went to town with two things today get some gluten free bread for me
fetch the house deeds and take them to the solicitors

so went into superdrug and got deodorant that was on offer and needed
bought some gluten free bits and bobs in tesco and spent 6.54 the equivalent in non gluten free would have been just over three pounds
so my one pack of biscuits with only 6 in a loaf of bread and brioche buns oh and a packet of gluten dairy free jaffa cakes (to take to W S M) on friday as something I can share with my step great neice while the others in the room eat a cake I made of of stores
then iceland for some bits at 23 quid (I rounded up on the savings card)

other spends came from my allowance which I dont count

also got 2.50 for sealed pot challenge

then off to collect deeds for this property for solicitor (why she needs them not quite sure as we are not selling this) but they had not arrived asked for these about 17th dec and was told 7-10 working days to get to branch perhaps they will arrive tomorrow as that is the 10th day hope so they are phoning me

so spends 29.64
and some of my allowance spent

I know on paper we are going to look very assess heavy but we are not really
my non adopted son (if we had known him before he was 18 we would have adopted him) is buying our present house very cheaply but doing it up he will be buying it from us at a very minimal amount of monthly payback until both of us have gone so it is our way of leaving him a property rather than in our wills. my own two know they have a property in wales each in our wheels - we also have two old cars so on paper an over draft (will be about 400) seems like nothing to most however we are now on a reduced income so to us it is huge
will have to sell a lot of my craft work once we move

Aaleigha

due to unforseen events
parking tickets an my specs

we will be about 500 overdrawn so after a long chat we are going to have one over draft not two
in my head although the debt will be exactly the same it will be one debt not two so I will update as soon as I know what the damage is

not had an overdraft for so long I cant remember when it last was so this is very alien to me and although by the standards of some
it seems huge to us

cant wait to move and not have the two lots of things I am trying to do eg save for oil and bottled gas whilst still paying for gas and electric here
paying for water/sewerage here whilst saving for an emptying of a septic tank

according to hubby and daughter I am trying to get too far ahead of myself and should wait

but to me it makes sense as I know we will need oil when we move in as he has told us the tank is very low but will need filling
so to me I need the money for that ready

I am also saving for mortgage over payments

so early targets to clear the overdraft asap
stop saving for mortgage over payments and throw that at the over draft

I am sure within three months we will be there have filled the tank and not have an over draft

oh well life throws curved balls now and then

tomorrow I am spending on fuel as I want to go and see the only baby in the family my great neice - I wont get my own grandchildren but my brother says I can share her

it will be the last visit until they come to see me in wales

BUT i will also be decluttering as I have a box full of poetry books and science things to give to niece for her teaching

so off for an early night will read diaries in bed

night all

Aaleigha

todays positives
NSD
went to lunch with my sister in law and her sister and husband my step niece and her one year old
feel so relaxed now

less positive I have looked again and again at the yearly budget but am afraid we are going to be 400 quid over the income on the year that is about £7.70 a week or 33 a month so I have been back to the budget and hoping that we will break even as at the moment I am still paying for gas and electric here while saving for heating oil and electric money as at the moment it is on a key meter - that will be put on a meter asap
husband is very laissez faire in his attitude - we will be fine you are worrying too much but his attitude of dont worry I can do some overtime got us into trouble when we were younger but now he cant do the over time

I am seriously considering paying £5 less into sinking funds
new mortgage was 20 (want to over pay it)
misc at the moment 10
allowances are only 30 a month each
but clothes can go down by 5
as can christmas and gifts
I could but dont want to put 5 less a month into the dog fund (but that is because we dont pay insurance)
I think if I need to I can cut the food budget

so I think I might have to do this my way and keep checking every week to ensure we are not going to be shorter than that over the year

family will have to cough up a bit to use the annex for holidays - wont hurt them

jwil

Do you do surveys etc? You might be able to soften up the present budget a bit if you can earn a few vouchers.