*sigh* this may take a while

XSpender

I, and my 2 siblings, paid for our own and our first cars.  DH did the same.  DS (only 10 so some years yet to think about it) will get some lessons for his birthday and he will have to fund the rest.  He will also have to buy his own car or we may match what he saves.  I didn’t learn until I was 23 having supported myself from age 19 so the ‘but everyone else’s Mam is paying’ won’t wash with me.  If he wants it bad enough he will have to find a way to make it work.  Ooo I’m such a meanie 

I suppose it is a bigger decision for you because you will have to repeat it 5 times!

mark55man

So - I have taken 2 through to test (successfully) and one who decided it wasn't for her.

Cost - we were lucky as my FIL had passed some money down for this purpose so it wasn't an issue.  The main cost is the lessons, but if you do so some home tuition you can expect to pay £100 a month for learners insurance (you prob won't be able to add them on your insurance). Learner's insurance is a separate contract and you can buy in weeks or months and it gets cheaper the more you buy.  But there has to be an underlying adult insurance on the car - so the LI can't be the only insurance. Also, the cost of learning is big, but the cost of insuring even a cheap car as a teenager is very large - we got it to under £1k but that took a lot of work, so the conversation needs to include how she is getting a car and insuring it.  The insurance companies are laser sharp on fronting (ie her driving as a named driver when she is the main driver).  So more lessons is probably best than self taught unless you or your OH really wants to have a go at doing it

Other factors - a friend who is an expert instructor (ie instructor instructor) level reckons the length of time it takes to learn is proportional to the time before the first crash - and similarly with the age - the younger you are learning the quicker you crash.  (Sorry).  This is because the perception and acceptance of risk and consideration of others/wider environment changes radically between 17 and 19 and can be cured with practice.  So the way we managed this was making them wait until late in Year 12 to start and then paying for fortnightly lessons.  You should expect to need about 30 or about £1K.  It will cause a fight (what doesn't), but I would say that you should incentivize her to delay/wait, ie offer to pay for 2 lessons a month whatever and hope she doesn't pick up the urge, but if she does it will be at her cost so win win.

Psychobabble observations - although it was age related, we noticed a significant growing up in parallel with learning to drive, and once driving even more so the freedom to see a wider range of friends / things really made it sweeter at home.  I did do some tutoring myself, but mainly at the end when they just needed road time.  This was generally good time with good chats and not too much terror.   Additionally, lockdown is going to get lifted soon, and kids will start going out, so would you rather she went out with someone who you didn't know or trust, or would you rather she went out in her car (and no drinking) knowing that she had good lessons!.  I would also say offering to pay allows you to control the pace, and possibly allows you to appear the hero (which is nice) but also to refuse other things so you end up not quite so badly off

In terms of lockdown, maybe you could help delay by refusing (based on NHS advice !!) to allow her to bubble with an instructor until social distancing is removed.  This should delay until October, then you can delay again - I would argue that March is a good time to start (much better than October) its getting light, your lessons will be in better weather and you should still have enough time to get your test in by next October.

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Thanks XS and Mark.... she's not 17 until next year, so not an immediate problem (thank goodness).  I'm trying to make a firm decision over the next few months so it's set in stone be fore we tell her what we'll do.  As you said, XS, I've got to do the same for all 5  That's lovely of your FIL Mark and interesting info about speed of learning/age/accident link.... I'm a grouch and think they should all be older before driving, but then I don't think a lot of old people should be on the road either!
Definitely not buying her a car or insuring her on ours as it'll be too expensive for us, so it will all have to be lessons unfortunately.  Plus, neither OH or I are naturally patient people, teaching would be beyond us.
I like the fortnightly lesson idea as spreads the pain considerably, £60 per month sounds affordable(ish).... the first few can be a Birthday gift.  I'll have to ponder the amount we ask her to contribute in the meantime

Drawingaline

My parents paid for us all to learn to drive. My kids have 1k in their child trust funds, I have told them I will pay for them to learn at 17, but I will need some contribution from the CTF money when they get it at 18. It's just too expensive otherwise, esp with the big two only having a 16mth age gap. I won't be buying any of them a car either. I learnt to drive at 18, had my first car at 24. 

My husband never passed his test and tbh seeing how awkward it can be with a non driving adult, I think they will be motivated to pass asap. Esp the boy if he wants to become a plumber!

enthusiasticsaver

Sorry to hear you are getting some grief from entitled teen and I think it sounds like a good idea to pay her £15 a day to look after her younger siblings.  I think that is fair as at 16 she could get a job outside of the home now (both my girls did) and they would get more than £15 a day although I bet they worked a lot harder cleaning caravans or doing shop work than your teen will looking after the rest of your children.  As they are all school age to a certain extent films and video games will entertain them a lot.  Any rudeness from her would make me decrease that £15 a day.  I am a bit gobsmacked she feels entitled to call you lazy for working part time with 5 children when she crawls out of bed at 11am. 

Re driving lessons we did the same for both our girls.  They got a block of lessons then we paid half and they paid half for the next block and after that they were on their own but they both had summer and weekend jobs.  I also let them practice for free in my car but if you have an expensive car that might not be an option although I was surprised how cheap it was to add them as learners. The insurance premium went up when they passed their tests though.   We paid a contribution to their first cars and insurance (no more than half). They take more care over the cars if they have had to pay towards it themselves but I definitely think it is a life skill to encourage. 

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Drawingaline said:

My parents paid for us all to learn to drive. My kids have 1k in their child trust funds, I have told them I will pay for them to learn at 17, but I will need some contribution from the CTF money when they get it at 18. It's just too expensive otherwise, esp with the big two only having a 16mth age gap. I won't be buying any of them a car either. I learnt to drive at 18, had my first car at 24. 

My husband never passed his test and tbh seeing how awkward it can be with a non driving adult, I think they will be motivated to pass asap. Esp the boy if he wants to become a plumber!

CTF is a good idea, my oldest 3 have them - I never contributed, so it's just what's grown from the original government contribution.  Entitled teen's is worth £1200 at the mo.... she could use some of that for her share of driving lessons.
I can't imagine not being able to drive, must be limiting!

ohdearhowdidthathappen

enthusiasticsaver said:

Sorry to hear you are getting some grief from entitled teen and I think it sounds like a good idea to pay her £15 a day to look after her younger siblings.  I think that is fair as at 16 she could get a job outside of the home now (both my girls did) and they would get more than £15 a day although I bet they worked a lot harder cleaning caravans or doing shop work than your teen will looking after the rest of your children.  As they are all school age to a certain extent films and video games will entertain them a lot.  Any rudeness from her would make me decrease that £15 a day.  I am a bit gobsmacked she feels entitled to call you lazy for working part time with 5 children when she crawls out of bed at 11am. 

Re driving lessons we did the same for both our girls.  They got a block of lessons then we paid half and they paid half for the next block and after that they were on their own but they both had summer and weekend jobs.  I also let them practice for free in my car but if you have an expensive car that might not be an option although I was surprised how cheap it was to add them as learners. The insurance premium went up when they passed their tests though.   We paid a contribution to their first cars and insurance (no more than half). They take more care over the cars if they have had to pay towards it themselves but I definitely think it is a life skill to encourage. 

I know, she's a cheeky little moo..... her room is an absolute pit and she often bulk drops her washing (2-3 weeks worth) into the basket and then chastises me for being 'behind' on the washing.  Last time, I told her if she thought the service was slow, she was welcome to do her own washing.  Strangely enough, she backed off.
She should get a job, both OH got one at 16 (13 if you include paper rounds).
One thing I'm half debating is buying a cheap run around that they can all practice and learn on... it wouldn't be any of theirs specifically, more a family car.  Whoever is using it, contributes to running out.  Will investigate to see if feasible.

mark55man

if you get one (and it is feasible - although quite expensive) make sure its similar to the car she will be learning in.  Usually a corsa or some such.

It can be very useful just to get the hang of clutch and accelerator which does take a bit of practice but in a deserted car park is relatively safe.  The bit not to DIY is the middle third (ie post basic skills, but before they've covered most of the ground under instruction) - the last but driving round and round the test routes is relatively safe but try and avoid too busy times 

savingholmes

I make both my kids do their own washing. Started from 10 with DS.
I fell into a trap of paying half the driving lessons bill. It took him a year to pass and cost us each about £1200 as he had 2 hour lessons. I took him out once or twice but didn't have the temperament for it.

I haven't put him on the insurance is at all since

enthusiasticsaver

ohshithowdidthathappen said:

One thing I'm half debating is buying a cheap run around that they can all practice and learn on... it wouldn't be any of theirs specifically, more a family car.  Whoever is using it, contributes to running out.  Will investigate to see if feasible.

If she is the entitled sort I would say she will see the car as hers given she is the oldest, the first to learn and presumably at least a year or so until the next one gets to the age where they can drive.  I would also say that some do not always take to it straight away so buying a car without seeing if she has the aptitude to learn is putting the cart before the horse IMHO.

My eldest could not wait to learn and started at 17, had a gap after failing her test and then eventually passed.  My youngest went to university in  a city and said there was no point in learning so did not take lessons until the summer after Uni when she did a crash course (no pun intended) and passed first time.  Maybe wait until she has shown commitment and an aptitude and a slightly more grateful attitude before splashing out on a car, regardless of how cheap it is and maybe use the suggestion of her getting a job as an incentive?  In my experience motoring is never cheap and even getting a small run around and insuring it will run into a few thousand.