Neighbor expects me to be quiet at 7pm

Mar2

Hello to everyone!
We live in terraced house with very unfortunate layout, as neighbours on each side have their bedroom from the side of our house. I have got 3 little kids. Twins will be 6 in February and their little brother just turned 2. Twins go to sleep around 8:30pm. The little one in not a good sleeper and every day is different. Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night, and doesn't want to go back to sleep until morning. But whenever he wakes up - I am taking him downstairs, as I realize the walls are thin and he may woke up neighbours.
The Neighbours, who have their bedroom next to our staircase and hallway, has one kid who is 5. He is in bed at 7. Since she told me that, I am trying to keep my children downstairs after 7, but as I am alone with them (my husband works on afternoon shift) it's not easy. And of course bedtime...3 children taking a bath etc, - it's always loud. My neighbor sent me text asking to keep the noise down on numerous occasions, after 7pm.
The last one was at 8, on Saturday demanding to stop making noise, as it's 8 o'clock and I know that her child is sleeping, I know he is going to bed at 7 and she won't be happy if I wake him up, and that they put up with a lots of noises coming from me and my children, and I am taking "absolute !!!! now"
We don't drink alcohol, don't party, do not listen to loud music, don't do banging with hammer etc...
I was always apologetic, and said "sorry, I will try to keep the noise down". I understand her point of view. I want to be a good neighbour but I am not a pushover. Is it reasonable for her to expect me to "stop breathing" after 7 ? Are there any legal residential 'noise free' hours? I really feel frustrated and stressed in my own home, as when my child e.g. falls over in the hallway and cries - my first thought is "oh, no, she will wake up neighbour's kid" when is should be "oh, no! My poor baby".
Is there something I can do about that? Or should I just ignore her?

elsien

If the noise is normal everyday family noise, no of course she's not being reasonable. And you apologising is inadvertently giving the impression that you think you're being noisy when you're actually not.
My neighbour's 2 year old kid has terrible tantrums. I put up with it because it's just life. He'll grow out of it. And me yelling at the dog is probably just as annoying for them.

Anyway, can't most 5 year olds sleep through all sorts of noise? She's being precious. Ignore her. Or point out that sound carries both ways and you can hear them exactly the same - has she considered moving to a detached house?

ViolaLass

Suggest they put him to bed later.

(I wouldn't tell people how to parent usually, but then I don't have someone telling me to be quiet at 8pm!)

Marvel1

That's another number added to my blocked list on my mobile.

splishsplash

Tell her to sue her builders for their shocking lack of soundproofing.

I raised three children and I'm eternally grateful for my two foot thick, solid stone walls. It meant I never had to think about my neighbour no matter how loud my kids were (and believe me, they were LOUD), and my neighbour never had to worry when she had to blare her telly at full blast because she couldn't hear it. We knew we couldn't hear anything in the other's house.

You are describing normal living noise, nothing excessive and nothing your neighbour has a right to complain about.

Oh and you are dead right - your first thought when your child cries should be 'my poor child' not 'oh no, my neighbour'.

chesky

Tell her to just wait until they're teenagers......

74jax

As you have already been apologising previously I think it might be harder to now say its normal noise...

Next time you get text, just reply 'thanks for text, we are not actually making a great deal of noise here, just putting kids to bed. I can hear your TV at the moment too - these blooming walls.....'

I would not be taking my child downstairs everytime they wake up, that will become the usual routine and yes you are being considerate of your neighbour but your child needs to settle and go back to sleep in a bed not downstairs because it suits the neighbours more.

Spendless

I wonder if your neighbour has no 'background noise' on, eg no tv or radio playing, so you can hear every noise. This is what my next door neighbour is/was like. They don't have the tv or radio on unless they are watching/listening to something and then turn it off the 2nd they stop, consequently they can hear thru the walls of our 1930s semi. I make sure we do have a noise on (tv/radio/music) to cut down on how much they hear of 'us'.

It too was always a problem to them, but her husband starting diy jobs after 9 or 10pm at night or her 4 yapping dogs she didn't consider that we heard them too. I did point it out to her once and we've not spoken since, 8 years later. :rotfl:

chesky wrote: »

Tell her to just wait until they're teenagers......

Oh yes, my same delightful neighbour had the PCO come round to us after making a complaint that our teenage son once swore in the garden. On the 1st occasion they got Mr S, who was so obliging, they called again. On the 2nd they got me, haven't seem them since. :think:

Pollycat

Mar2 wrote: »

My neighbor sent me text asking to keep the noise down on numerous occasions, after 7pm.
The last one was at 8, on Saturday demanding to stop making noise, as it's 8 o'clock and I know that her child is sleeping, I know he is going to bed at 7 and she won't be happy if I wake him up, and that they put up with a lots of noises coming from me and my children, and I am taking "absolute !!!! now"

My opinion is that she is being very unreasonable.
However, I also think you have made a rod for your own back by trying to be a good neighbour.


I would tell her that you do not make excessive noise and she shouldn't expect you to be as silent as a church-mouse in your own home.
She should consider herself lucky that you don't play loud music.
If she doesn't like your response, I'd consider starting to play loud music.

Rosemary7391

I think your neighbour is lucky she has you for a neighbour with young kids. A single person or couple without kids is barely going to be getting started with their evening at 7pm! If I invite folks over for dinner or a chat it's usually from 730pm...

trailingspouse

Our neighbours' kids have a drum kit... I can also hear them running up and down the stairs (they're aged 10 and 12 - there would be something seriously wrong if they didn't run up and down the stairs). I also hear their dogs occasionally.

I wouldn't dream of complaining. This is normal family noise. Life is being lived.

Even though you have apologised in the past, that's just because you are a nice person - it doesn't mean you have to alter the way you do things. Keep your child in their bedroom to settle them - let them cry if that's what's needed!! When they're older, buy them a drum kit. Do what you want/need to do.

If it bothers her that much, she can insulate the walls, or move the kid's bed to the other side of the room, or move house. That's her problem to fix, not yours.