Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my partner about my savings?

LesD

I have a private savings account they don't know about,

How many 'live-in' partners do you actually have?

crmism

First things first - who are "them" and "they"? If you have more than one partner, you're really complicating your life and increasing the chances of someone finding out what you have tucked away.

If you were married, then in keeping with your vows you would happily tell your spouse about your savings and share them - but, as you aren't married, there's no obligation on your part to do so, and in your shoes I'd keep them to yourself. There are too many instances where one partner runs off with the other's money, never to be seen again, or at least until all the money's been spent.

Anyway, as there's no commitment between you, you don't know how long your relationship will last, and you might find yourself needing your savings if you break up and, for example, have to find somewhere else to live.

LAB5300

Keep your savings secret, you never know what the future holds. My partner of 13 years started a relationship with a young girl 34 years younger than him. As a result I threw him out, if he had known about my savings he would have wanted half of them. Everyone needs the security of a nest egg against the unexpected.

tallgirld

Nah keep it to yourself. My ex was always trying to find out how much I earned, what I had saved. I found it odd!

gaving7095

It's your money and I don't see any reason why you should disclose that. Relationships "can" end so I'd keep it private.

NBLondon

LesD wrote: »

How many 'live-in' partners do you actually have?

crmism wrote: »

First things first - who are "them" and "they"? If you have more than one partner, you're really complicating your life and increasing the chances of someone finding out what you have tucked away.

Option 1) the partner in question is non-binary or gender-fluid and uses the pronouns them and they as he and she are inappropriate
Option 2) this is a polyamorous relationship

Both of these options are increasingly common among millennials apparently

But the answer is pretty much as many have said above. There's nothing wrong with having separate savings; whether it's for emergencies or "running away" money. There's no obligation to tell a partner about it unless you feel it would hurt your relationship to have a secret. If it was yours before the partnership, even more so. And there's then no obligation to tell them exactly how much or where... if they ask for details then perhaps that's a warning sign. I know my wife has a share of an inheritance but not precisely how much or where - she knows I have an ISA but not necessarily how big. If we needed to break into it - we trust each other to discuss it when the time comes.

If you've squirrelled it away from joint income and left other things going short, then perhaps that might look suspicious to some - or it might to be keep an emergency fund away from a profligate partner.

gloriouslyhappy

tallgirld wrote: »

Nah keep it to yourself. My ex was always trying to find out how much I earned, what I had saved. I found it odd!

Probably why they're now your ex! My neighbour's relatively new live-in partner has just dumped him and moved out - right after discovering the house is left in trust to his children from his first marriage. I find that both odd and suspicious, did the ex think he was no longer worth it as there was no half-share of a house to be gained should they marry and then divorce?

ska_lover

It depends on the relationship. With my husband I would not keep it secret, .............however there are relationships I have had in the past, where I have been dubious about disclosing this kind of info, and been proven I was right

easterbunni

I have money stashed that was from my mum when she died and some savings from before we met, which my spouse doesn't know about, or at least, I've not mentioned it. (Together 10 years, married 5).



If the poo really did hit the fan, then I would probably say look, don't worry, I've got some stashed, it's not a disaster yet, and I think they would love me for that


They also have a stash, which I haven't been told about, but I do know about, of which I will remain ignorant of...


Everything else is fully shared and budgeted out so we know exactly where it goes.

nova_dee

No. Ever since me and husband got married I was the bread winner. I managed to save because my parents - mine - not his - helped with finances. When I migrated to England - I told him about my savings even give him special power of attorney and withdrawal slips but to be used on emergencies and I need to be told first. But no, he withdraw money without telling me despite me sending money for the family. And now we are on the verge of separation- he is demanding to have half of my savings. This man who has not given me a single penny since we were married 1993.

So, in my opinion - no!