Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my partner about my savings?

Tyjen

From my experience I would say no! I had a secret savings account from my other half and was so glad I did as due to difficulties in our relationship I had the money to make it on my own so left him!!! After a year and marriage counselling we got back together, nine years later he died and when I was going through his things I found a tin with a large stash of money he had hid from me!!
You never know what the future holds!!

[Deleted User]

Yes, I was told every woman should have a ‘running away fund’

Longhouse

Flo61 wrote: »

Yes, I was told every woman should have a ‘running away fund’

:eek: ...and so should every man!
You're not obliged to disclose your individual savings but it may harm your relationship if you fail to do so. It's up to you to decide.

However, if in a (civil partnership or) marriage then on dissolution you have an obligation to disclose all assets, failure to do so can result in a very dim view by the courts. Up until the point of breakdown & dissolution, you could (note COULD) do what you like, but, once again, watch out for the strain on the relationship. Most fail due to financial issues...
Please be gentle, it's my first post, but as I'm going through difficulties like this at the moment due to a partner who repeated, and secretly ran up very large debts whilst I saved to protect our future, I'm particularly sensitive about these sorts of issues and their ramifications.

lilmisstrouble

No - you should alway keep you financial independence. If you share the bills it’s up to you how you spend the rest of your money. You could always start a joint savings account to save for shared treats

heartbreak_star

Me and my partner don't even know how much the other one earns never mind about any savings! As long as the house is ticking over we don't really care

HBS x

Working_Mum

Ha I was always in favour for sharing everything, with joint accounts etc UNTIL my ex-husband (had a big ugly mid life crisis and lived a double life for a year) then left me 10 years ago in huge amounts of debt i.e over £90k - £36k of which was run up on credit cards where I was the primary card holder and therefor responsible for it when we divorced.

I earned amazing money for many years and have worked hard to pay the debts off. My view is now 180 degrees from what it was :-)

I counsel my children to be thrifty and save their pennies and go 50/50 on everything so they stay nice and independent. They need to protect what they have worked hard to earn and save whilst ensuring any partners are of the same mindset financially.

raindaisy

From personal experience I'd say no.
If your relationship was one that had already been running for many years then maybe yes but if it's still quite new then no. It's your money, you've worked for those savings.
If your relationship failed it's your start to a new life.

AUDITOR

I've been married (although now separated) for 22 years. For the first 15 years, my wife earned more than me and she inherited a signifcant sum from older relatives. She was then made redundant and found other , part time work, so our relative incomes reversed. Throughout the entire period, we paid 50% of our earnings to a joint account to pay for househild bills and holidays, and the rest was ours to do as we liked. I have no idea how much my wife has, and she has no idea how much I have. The big BUT here is that keeping it secret does't work if you get divorced. The law says that assets have to be fairly divided. But if you're not married, then maybe it's a good idea to have a nest egg to support you if it all goes wrong. But recent court decisions on co-habit9ing couples may have a bearing.

VT82

It's funny, I asked a question about joint finances on this forum about five years ago. Vast majority of responses were saying 'if you really love each other and want kids, everything should be joint and transparent, can't believe you're asking!'. Five years later, most of the responses on here are saying to keep some aspects of your finances private.


Wonder what has changed? More exposure to MSE and financial savviness opening peoples' eyes??

hazyjo

What are you worried about? Them wanting to spend it? Claim it?


They aren't entitled to do anything with it, so the only issue you may have is with your own assertiveness or confidence. If you feel they are forcing you into a corner to use that money for something you don't want to, then you need to learn to say no, or re-think the relationship.


If you got married and split, it would have to be declared (and prob split if a long enough marriage) anyway.


I would mention it when discussing things like spending/saving. I can imagine saying something like 'well, you'd be mad not to put something away for a rainy day. I've got my emergency account and try to add to it every month'. Can't imagine anyone then saying 'how much is in it?'. Not exactly something to hide. (Wish I did have savings LOL. Unfortunately I'm a spender!)