Can't Sleep .....................

chloebelle

Hi OP,

ok I'll be honest I don't have children so please ignore my advice if you wish. My opinion comes a result of my mum being a childminder for over 10 years.

She looked after a little boy who started nursery at aged 2. One day his mum had a half day and said she would pick him up instead of my mum. Unfortunately she forgot and little boy was waiting an hour before she eventually turned up - she was mortified I might add!

He was so traumatised that he couldn't go back, screamed himself sick when she tried to take him next day.

My advice - take him out and try again in 6 months. This is what happened in the case I am referring to. In the 6 months he matured, was more independent and loved it from day one.

Maybe your child just isn't ready - so what? Thats ok! If hes getting upset, and you, take him out and try again next year.

dsljfreeman

Hi DB,

It is very hard leaving your pride and joy with someone that doesn't 'get' them. My son is 4 1/2 now, he's at reception and he loves it, but it doesn't stop me worrying that when he's acting a bit strange, the teachers wont know what he wants, I know him like I know myself and they don't and that will always worry me, will they treat him as an individual or just as a child, I hope I'm getting my point across, I'm not very good with words. What I'm trying to say is, it's easy for others to say 'oh he'll be fine in a few days' or 'all kids cry for their mummies' but there is something there that is upsetting him and needs to be addressed, a friend who's daughter started school the same time as my son went to school fine for about a fortnight then it was tears and tantrums and she was adament she didn't want to go to school, my friend was rightfully very distressed about this and knew something had to be wrong, my advice to her is the same I give to everyone in situations like this is: You know your child better than anyone and you know when something isn't right, do not let anyone undermine you and do not let anyone dismiss your feelings. If I was in your situation I would take my son out of nursery and try again in a few months, like I said before my son is 4 now and still very much a baby, I try not to think about what it's like for him to be in school all day every day but he's happy to go and I just push the thoughts out of my mind.

I hope I haven't waffled on too much, to cut it short, do what you think is right and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I really hope he settles in time as when they are happy to go, nursery can be a fun place for them.

HairyHandofDartmoor

My children didn't start pre school until they were 3 as I felt they were too young at 2. Maybe he needs to mature and develop his speech a little more?

However, my older son did cry the first couple of times I left him at pre school, but the staff assured me that he stopped about 10 minutes after I left and then played happily for 3 hours! Also the same son cried when he first started school, just for the first couple of days.

However my daughter and younger son were fine and didn't cry.

I did spend a couple of mornings at the preschool with them all first, to get them used to the staff and the routine, and I did feel that I trusted the staff as they were kind and sensible and had children of there own. But I felt terrible pangs of guilt because he was upset and was in tears myself when I got outside!!!

However sometimes you do have to go with your instincts and if you feel he is too young, then maybe it could wait until he is 3. Children are generally ready for independence at 3, but I didn't feel that mine were ready for it at 2 (but then I am quite a clingy mother, and I still love having them all around me even though they are now 14, 12, and 10!!!)

Determined

Hi there

I have 3 wonderfull kiddies - all of them went to playgroup and childminder - Gawd it's the hardest thing you'll do...leave the most precious beings in the world in someone elses care....my feelings on this are it's alot easier if they are a little older - playgroup / nursery I would say about 3 years old when they have a better vocab - until then if you absolutely have to leave your wee one (like I did) somewhere during the day he may be more comfortable with a good childminder in a home environment. Barring that I woudl say ALWAYS follow your instincts and do what makes you both happy. My 3 are now 14, 12 and 6 and i really thank my childminder from the bottom of my heart for helping me raise them! xxx

P.S. hope you're asleep now!!! They need alert mummies :-) xx

Zebedee69

Hia,

Have a genuine chat with the workers. You are angry/upset when you see the staff so when you ask a question it probably comes out in a different way than when your more relaxed

Have you thought about visiting alone or after hours? Just ask the staff for their thoughts and have an honest chat about your issues and fears.

I would definately not belittle the staff or attempt to say they are stupid/dont care/dont know what their doing as this will just cause a riff between you and the staff. Remember there is always a reason for doing something, you just havent noticed it yet and its good to ask!

I think if you just sit down and chat with the staff you'll realise they do know what their talking about and they will probably offer some great solutions and ways to help him settle in.

You'll feel far better for it. I dont know what teachers are like but I would prefer a relative at work to ask questions and have a chat rather than one thats on the offensive straight away.....

Oh and one more thing.............

:kisses3: Big Big hug and a little kiss sneaked in ha ha!

Zebedee69

dearbarbie wrote: »

im not a mum so cant really advise but one thing: maybe they lock the door and ask you to say your name so people cant get in and abduct the children - as a safety mechanism? hope it all works out x

This is definately a safety thing.....

Chubacca

Hi I just thought I would add my thoughts. I have four children - the oldest is almost 20 and I have also done childminding.

First of all a !!!!!!!!!!!!!!{BIG HUG}}}}}}}}}}

Regarding locking the door etc, that is exceptionally good. The nursery is implementing safety strategies that will keep the children within that nursery safe and sound. It stops unwanted folk just wandering in and claiming to be the Auntie or Uncle of a child and wandering out with them etc. I would be much more concerned if they just let you walk in!

Now, the first thing is, you have to work out if you don't trust the nursery or its staff, or do you find it very hard in general to trust others where your child is concerned?

If you definitely do not trust, then remove him and find another nursery. If the latter applies, please, give it more time.

Now, you may not agree with what I am about to say, but please bear in mind that I am speaking from 20+ years experience.

The facts are that your son is fine going to the nursery, and he is fine when you leave him there initially. This is a GOOD sign, because if anything untoward was happening, believe you me, you would struggle getting him out of your house in the morning.

What I feel is happening from what you have said is, after you have left him and time passes, he begins to get upset. This is because, at two, he has no concept of time, so leaving him for an hour can seem like four hours to him.

As he gets upset and the nursery are asking him what is wrong, and he is unable to communicate, he is becoming more upset.

The problem is, if you go to see him each time he is upset, he will soon realise that all he has to do is cry and his mummy will come, which, at two years old, he will naturally do to see his mummy, (there is no two year old that wouldn't) because you are the center of his world, but this will stop him from settling in.

Try to remember, he is two, in a strange environment, cannot communicate to the level of the older children, so he is BOUND to get upset.

I know it is a worry, but you have to expect him to be upset, and be prepared for it, and try not to look for things that may not be there when he does. It is perfectly natural.

The less fuss, the easier it will be for him to settle - the fact is he WILL, without any doubts, be upset - it is as though you are, in a way, not expecting him to be upset and so when he does get upset, you are becoming frantic with worry and wondering why.

The more fuss and more contact he has with you while at nursery, the longer and harder it will be for him to settle. It is REALLY hard, and I do understand, and all I am saying is it is perfectly natural for your son to be upset until he settles in properly - so try not to worry too much.

If you moved him to another nursery, you would have exactly the same scenario - trust me.

Now, on the speech issue, I am just wondering if his ears have been checked recently? The EXACT same thing happened with my second born.

By the time he was two, he could only say 20 words, and, hardly any of them were said correctly IE: Table was pronounced as "bauble" etc

He had all the hearing tests that he passed when younger. When he was struggling with his speech at two though, he was sent for another and mostly failed it. He also sounded "nasally" when talking.

His tonsils began to grow really large, and to cut a long story short, after seeing an ear, nose and throat specialist, he had his tonsiles and adenoids removed, and, they discovered he had severe "glue" ears.

Glue ear is where fluid builds up in the middle ear over time, so hence why he passed his hearing tests initially, but by the time he was two, he was virtually deaf and hence he could not pronounce words and had a very short vocabulary.

During his operation they fitted grommits in his ears. The puss and gunk that came out of his ears over the next few weeks was awful - but it cured the problem! He then went to speach therapy for two years and he managed to have full range of vocabulary when he was starting school.

He is now 15 and very occasionally, is unclear on pronunciation of the odd word - only very occasionally, and we have to ask him to repeat it. However, on the other side of the coin, he is in the top 2 per cent in the whole of the UK academically, already spent some time living at university this year even though he is still at secondary school, and in maths and science he is higher than A level standard

It sounds as though your son could have a similar problem, so if you can, book another hearing test and if he fails it, get your doctor to refer him to an ENT specialist.

I hope you manage to get some sleep, please try not to worry too much, if there was a problem at the nursery your son would seriously not want to go - he would show signs of being upset as soon as you got his coat on.