Non contributing family

paigesaunt

I live with my adult son, his girlfriend and their baby. We live in the family home my son was brought up in. Since my husband left me 3 years ago I've struggled on a low income to keep paying the mortgage payments so we have a home, but I'm close to breaking point with worry about debts going unpaid, but no matter how bad I tell them it is they carry on their lives as if they're teenagers eating crisps, playing play station games sitting in bed all day (with the baby)

My son is expecting some inheritance but it's been constantly delayed for reasons unknown to me, his grandfather died two years ago, I believe his father (my ex husband) is the executor and he is untrustworthy to say the least. From this inheritance my son says he will pay the rent/keep for his family, but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on.
How do you make a 24 year old help financially, or the alternitive, move out with your baby grandson, something which will break my heart.

elsien

Tell him to get his !!!! out of bed and get a job?
You are enabling their lifestyle. They have no incentive whatsoever to change. You either insist they pay their way with associated ultimatum, or you carry on as you are.
Sadly, if your son and partner are as selfish as you say, they're not going to change without a very good reason for doing so. Which currently they don't have.

paigesaunt

I know the above is the only solution, you're right it's only my fear of not being liked stopping me, but from the conversation tone this evening the girlfriend doesn't like me anyway and she's going to the council tomorrow and they'll give her a house!

Ames

paigesaunt wrote: »

I know the above is the only solution, you're right it's only my fear of not being liked stopping me, but from the conversation tone this evening the girlfriend doesn't like me anyway and she's going to the council tomorrow and they'll give her a house!

That's not gonna happen anytime soon. Hopefully it might give them a bit of a kick up the backside.

Are you absolutely sure he hasn't already got/had the inheritance?

Voyager2002

Start off by accepting that it would be normal and natural for them to move out to their own place: that is not something that ought to break your heart. Rather, if that were to happen they would have a continuing need for your help with childcare and might begin to appreciate how much you help them by spending time with your grandchild.

Alikay

Do either of them work or claim benefits? If so, they need to give you some of that money. If not, stop buying the crisps, stop washing their clothes and bed sheets and turn off the electricity so they can't sit around playing video games.

Money_maker

They need some tough love parenting. Who is providing everything for them so there is no incentive to work? Tell your son to get up, get out and earn himself some self respect.

-taff

If they moved out would you get a lodger to help pay the bills?
If it's a choice between them moving out with your grandson or you losing youe home, which one would you prefer?


While they are living there, change the wifi password so they can't use it, tell them they will get it when they start helping around the house. Put lockable covers on the electricity points so they can't use them, same deal, do some work around the house, get it back.



Your son was old enough to have a baby with someone, he's old enough to pay his way. Right now, he's not going to give up an easy life without a fight, and the DIL won't be getting a council house because she alreasy lives with you. Tell her to knock herself out thoigh, trying to get one, but until they do, it's help and pay or that's it.

PasturesNew

I don't know how much they get in benefits, but 2/3rds of it should be yours if they're not contributing financially in any other way.

A single person gets about £73/week - out of which they'd be having to pay all their household bills, top up council tax, top up rent if applicable, food, household items that break ... so I figure £50/week/person would be a nice start.

Comms69

I know it's more common to live at home as an adult these days; but not to work?!


I would take annual leave and drag my son down to the nearest factory/ builders yard whatever and force him to do a days work!

Comms69

PasturesNew wrote: »

I don't know how much they get in benefits, but 2/3rds of it should be yours if they're not contributing financially in any other way.

A single person gets about £73/week - out of which they'd be having to pay all their household bills, top up council tax, top up rent if applicable, food, household items that break ... so I figure £50/week/person would be a nice start.

They'd probably have to claim JSA (if still applicable) as a couple. So it's I believe £114 a week. + £30 for the child benefit; and £213 every 4 weeks for child tax credit.


(under 25s only get £57 a week anyway as a single JSA claimant)


So that's the better part of £800 every 4 weeks