Selling house for elderly care?

Rambosmum

parkrunner wrote: »

If Aunty is self funding (sells house) then her care home will be far nicer than a council funded one. Surely you want that for her?

That's not a given. The LA I work in, more than 50% of homes accept council rate for all residents and those are some of the best homes in the area. Some of the of the more expensive homes are actually the worst and we've had an embargo on placing council funded residents in them due to their failings, even if it is where the person wants to go. Expensive doesn't mean good care. Nice d!cor doesn't mean good care.

Alfrescodave

When my dad was in a similar situation the best advice I was given by several medical personnel was on no account think of caring for him yourself.

It is a 24/7 365 days commitment, best handled by a TEAM of trained professionals.

taxi97w

What did we do before nursing homes?

AdrianC

taxi97w wrote: »

What did we do before nursing homes?

People rarely lived long enough for dementia to be anywhere near as big an issue.

Mojisola

taxi97w wrote: »

What did we do before nursing homes?

People spent their last months/years in the Workhouse hospital or a mental asylum or just died.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

taxi97w wrote: »

What did we do before nursing homes?

I recall my mum talking about a great aunt who wandered the streets in her nightie towards the end of her life. It was called "going a bit doolally", the neighbours knew to walk her home if she was spotted. Although fewer people lived into their 90, perhaps ageing publicly was more visible back then?

My advice to the OP would be to sort POA, sell the house, find the best residential care and focus on spending as much time with the relative as they can. On good days you can still have a lucid chat.

PasturesNew

My mum had dementia and a home was the best place for her.

One person cannot meet the needs of caring for somebody 24/7. With dementia they will wander off, maybe in the middle of the night ...

And, they need to be entertained. One person is not interesting enough to entertain the person being cared for. Sitting and staring at each other all day every day, you've done nothing new/gone nowhere, there's nothing to say.

When do you have a bath? How/when do you go out shopping for food and misc household items and even for new things you never thought you'd need to be shopping for... where will you get OAP knickers, nighties.... how will you discover "little treats" for them, or have the time to track down and buy their favourite sweets/drinks so they've got them?

How do you get them to the hairdresser? The Doctor? The Hospital appointments? Get them in your car, take them there, sit, wait .... now you're back home with them and it's lunchtime, but you've not even started on lunch .... give them a cheese sandwich? Again?

In a home all the basics are covered. They get up and wear clean clothes that the laundry have washed and hung in the wardrobe. A quick trot off to breakfast where you choose hot/cold and drinks. Then a sit down in your little corner with "your new mates"... talking to all the other residents, staff and visitors of other residents. Mid morning and the biscuits/cake comes round with a drink.

Then it's lunchtime - nice hot meal, a choice of 3 meals and 2 desserts... and drinks. They just sit down with their mates, get served a lovely meal, chatter/natter and leave the table. On Sundays there's probably a cheeky little bottle of beer or a small wine if you wish.

Back to a comfy chair by the window with their mates, chatting to passing staff - who are often handing out sweets or a bit of extra cake/biscuits. Then the tea trolley comes round and it's biscuits and cake and tea/coffee. Bowls of fruit are dotted around if they fancy them.

Sit and natter with mates, watch a bit of telly .. or maybe there's entertainment this afternoon - if it's music then you can go and watch, or just stay in your favourite armchair and listen from a distance. Or maybe it's an activity such as flower arranging.

Dr's appointment and a car appears by magic and a member of staff takes them there/back. Hospital appointment and a car appears by magic and a member of staff takes them there/back. These magically appearing cars tend to be Voluntary Drivers, with just about 40-50p/mile being charged to your account for the service, nothing extra for the staff time/cost.

Then it's tea time - tends to be an easy/cold meal, prepped by the kitchen staff earlier. Soup, a range of sandwiches, yoghurts, fresh fruit bowl, biscuits, cake, trifle, jelly ... and if you don't fancy what they've got they'll ask you what you do want/suggest other things you could have and, over time, they start to automatically provide food you like/want that they didn't have much call for before.

Nobody noticed the constant cleaning, the carpets were vacuumed, the windows washed, the loos and baths cleaned, the rubbish taken out, the recycling sorted, the laundry collected, washed, dried and returned to the wardrobe/drawers.

In the evening, it's a comfy chair with your mates and the telly - there'll probably be 2-3 rooms where there are different people/tellies and little quiet spots if you want to sit to one side/alone and people watch ... all the time nattering and chatting with passing residents, staff and visitors.

Bedtime and you get helped into bed if you need it. Loo problems, all sorted - and they never run out of loo roll. Repeat prescriptions appear by magic. Medication is dispensed correctly and on time.

Doctors do house calls; district nurses come and sort you out with ease.

And the next day you've the excitement of the early morning shower or bath (assisted if required, left alone if you're OK) .... followed by it's the day the hairdresser comes to the Unit and you're booked into the little salon (tiny room with a sink/mirror/chair) to have your hair washed/primped or cut.

... activities later today might be bingo and nail painting. Maybe there's a mini bus trip to look at a nice local view.

At Christmas it's all decorated and Santa brings you a present on Xmas morning and you have your photo taken with Santa. Easter and the Easter bunny brings you an easter egg. Other annual events and the Home's decorated accordingly, with table decorations at meal times that are appropriate. 1940s themed teas, Halloween, Fireworks Night....

Not only do all decorations "appear by magic", but they also get taken down and put away "by magic". No work to be done there.

There should be a nice garden, with little benches, for the summer. To sit or wander round - carers watching/assisting as required. All the weeding's done, grass is cut, benches re-stained, all "checked to be safe" ... all effortlessly just being done. In some, they might even have garden events - like mini fetes - that go on, so interaction and buzz over the event occurring.

Tell me honestly .... what's NOT to like about a home?

olgredtix

In the case of such sales, you must insure yourself properly, but it seems to me that a notary public should help in this matter.

lisyloo

taxi97w wrote: »

What did we do before nursing homes?

I have some elderly memebers of family who looked after their parents (decades ago).

However women were not expected to play a full role in the workforce until 67 !!


The issue for many will be that person exepected to do the caring will possibly have a job and also may look after grandchildren for their son/daughter as well.


Things have changed.


and of course people used to die from cancer, heart attacks, strokes etc. which they now often survive.

xylophone

I do have some sympathy for the complaint that dimensia is a medical condition.

Dementia results from brain damage caused by a variety of medical conditions (aka diseases....)

https://www.alzscot.org/information_and_resources/information_sheet/1748_what_is_dementia