Selling house for elderly care?

danlewi2

If you do sell the house - assuming it is worth a reasonable sum - invest some of the money but still make it available if the care becomes a long term requirement. The money can still generate income/capital, but ensure you have a realistic plan of what the care will cost, factoring in the yearly increases and also potential increase in care requirements.

xylophone

Sadly by the time she gets there it's unlikely she will be paying for very long

But she could be - relative's relative moved into care at the age of 91 when she was physically somewhat frail but fully compos mentis.

Five years on (dementia diagnosed around eighteen months ago and now deaf, immobile and incontinent) she is still paying.

My relative visits this lady regularly and was telling me that although she has a fully adjustable bed, as she is now incapable of moving herself up in the bed, she needs to be helped to do this - it is apparently surprisingly difficult for one person to do this without help.

My neighbour (at home full time) cared for her mother (MS) at home until her death but had to have specialist equipment and carers twice a day - there was also occasional respite care but it was obvious how tired my neighbour became.

lisyloo

But she could be

I agree that individuals can exceed the average especially when well looked after, however in general most people don't last long and won't spend much of an entire property.

bouicca21

The idea of having someone move in to be a carer suggests you have very little idea of just how demanding looking after a frail and vulnerable person with dementia can be.

By all means keep her at home as long as possible but once she needs full time care she will be much better off in a good nursing home with trained staff available 24/7.

calleyw

Some people have this strange idea that it's free to live in your own house when you get to a certain age. Nope you still have bills to pay. Might not be as high as a care home. But they take the duty of care and worry away from you. So no worrying about cooking, cleaning, shopping, having a new boiler etc and you get to have someone around 24/7 to keep an eye on you.


Yours


Calley x

Cheeky_Monkey

parkrunner wrote: »

If Aunty is self funding (sells house) then her care home will be far nicer than a council funded one. Surely you want that for her?

It would appear not.

They appear to simply want her money and so potentially use their POA to their own advantage rather than hers by moving in a relative who may (or may not) be able and willing to look after her properly in order to protect their inheritance.

Keep_pedalling

If we are taking LPA rather than EPA then this should have been registered back in 2011, when the donor still had the capacity to do so.

AdrianC

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

If we are taking LPA rather than EPA then this should have been registered back in 2011, when the donor still had the capacity to do so.

Diagnosis of dementia does not inherently mean the donor does not have capacity.


My father was diagnosed with non-specific dementia about two months before he was given a definite diagnosis. At that later appointment, the consultant was very happy to confirm he still had capacity - but only after sending me out of the room so that she could ask Dad about what he understood of the process. They take it very seriously, and it would not have been signed if she was not comfortable.

Anyway, the question is whether it was signed when the donor had capacity, not when it was registered. But it isn't instant (by a long chalk), so if you leave the registration until the donor does lack capacity, then it's not going to kick in immediately.

YoungBlueEyes

As others have said, Your other relative needs to think very carefully about being a 24hr carer.

This is going to be a long post, but frankly you need to know the truth of how it can be.

I cared for my father for many years. He often said he never wanted to go into a home and I told him that as long as I had breath in my lungs and my 2 legs under me he'd never would. However he didn't have dementia or anything like it (thank god) as that would have been a different story.

Just so you know what your relative could possibly be letting themselves in for, I'll tell you about me and father. I should say this isn't for sympathy etc, it's a first hand account so you can better judge what actually happens. Although I shouldn't think my case is common.

Father was a military man, then joined and rose through the prison service, ended up in the home office. He rose at 0550 every day of his life no matter what. Washed, dressed, breakfast reading the Times, happy as a clam. I spent my mornings cleaning and sorting lunch. If I went shopping he'd come with me. Lunch at 12 noon on the dot. Afternoon nap at 2 for a couple of hours. At 4 I'd start the dinner, we ate at 1700. Evenings he liked a bit of telly for the news, then he'd read. Bedtime around 2330. Very rhythmic and easy. Every day. For the 12 years I cared for him.

Now the dark stuff. I got up 10 minutes before him, no matter if I'd had maybe 90 minutes sleep because I'd been up with him in the night to take him to the toilet. Or maybe I was changing his sheets, again, 2nd time that night. Or maybe he couldn't sleep because he was panicking that he was suffocating and wouldn't find his inhalers in time, (he had COPD) even though they were always by his bed.

Meal times could be tricky. He'd write out a menu of what he wanted for that week, but it would often change with his mood. Eg I've spent all afternoon making shepherd's pie, he'd come into the kitchen and say "we are having chops and mash aren't we Gem?" Always ended with "I'm sorry, I don't want to be a burden." I've heard that probably a thousand times. Then we sit down to eat and he looks at me like "where's the shepherd's pie?", but forces chops down because he "doesn't want to be a burden". 2 or 3 times a week.

Once a month I'd go out for a late dinner and drinks with the girls. I'd always be back by 11 to get him ready for bed cos he couldn't really undress himself. But sometimes I'd find him drinking and watching a film, usually of the late-night "Jean Claude god damme" variety, so he was maybe 2 hours getting to sleep. Which I had to sit with him for so he would settle. Then I'd creep up to bed and wait for the walkie-talkie to go because he'd had an accident (which he regularly did - cancer x2 left his stomach and intestines a mess). Sometimes he wouldn't buzz the first time but would try to clean it all up, but he'd fall and then shout me for help. Always apologising profusely for being a burden. And he was embarrassed frankly, slightly ashamed maybe too.

Trying to get him ready and out the door for doctor's appointments could be a trial, especially if they were too early in the day. He wouldn't moved til he'd at least got to the obituary page, no matter what. But with our doctors you take whatever time they give you. Battle ensues, burden speech, late for doctors. Again.

There's so much I could write here but that's more than enough to illustrate my point. Being a carer can be a soul-destroying, dispiriting, back-breaking, heart-breaking, relentless slog that you'll give up your job and social life for. And the current rate of pay the government will give you is about £60 a week. So make sure yous have a big pot of money saved cos it'll deplete at a rate of knots!

Oh and the cherry on the cake. When your aunt passes away, be ready to fend off the greedy relatives who start slinging accusations of abuse and and coercion and theft and misappropriation of funds when they find out your aunt left you something extra in her will, because of all you did for her.

At least father never had dementia etc. He always used to say that should he get it I should put him in a home and never look back. "It'll eat you alive watching me like that, and I'll not know a thing about it. Don't. Do. It."

Long post but read it. Then read it again. Then remember that this isn't even the tip of the iceberg.

lisyloo

calleyw wrote: »

Some people have this strange idea that it's free to live in your own house when you get to a certain age. Nope you still have bills to pay. Might not be as high as a care home. But they take the duty of care and worry away from you. So no worrying about cooking, cleaning, shopping, having a new boiler etc and you get to have someone around 24/7 to keep an eye on you.


Yours


Calley x

I don’t think that’ll it.

Some people think personal care should be funded by the state and not the individual. I don’t but I think it’s a valid view which of course would have to be paid for.

I do have some sympathy for the complaint that dimensia is a medical condition.

Those views are valid ones but of course the reality today is that individuals have to pay. Personally I think it’s right that my MIL pays and not younger members of the family via taxation.