How to Reduce Christmas Present Obligation?

Pollycat

-taff wrote: »

One of my friends regifts or charities stuff she doesn't want. She was a miffed to find out I did the same thing with some of her gifts, I think she thought she was better at it
Now there's not much tat anymore, and we've established what we do and do not want so everyone is happy

As a charity shop shopper, I always think it's sad to see items that have obviously been bought as Christmas gifts on the shelves.
And what a waste of money!

When you get to the stage of buying a bottle of wine for someone and they buy you one back, it's time to call it a day.
That's not what Christmas is about.
Nor is it about trekking round shops trying to find a gift that looks more expensive than it is.


OP - I'd just be straight with your friends.
Tell them that this year you won't be buying gifts and would prefer if they did the same.
You can make a unilateral decision.

On the subject of charity shops, has anyone noticed how many 'Best Teacher' tat there is?
Another waste of money (imho).
Bah Humbug!


:xmassign:

hedgesparrow

Spendless wrote: »

Have any other friends responded to your whatsapp question about secret santa now?

You posted on here about it at 10.48am yesterday having asked your friends about it the night before. You perhaps hadn't given it long enough for people to see it or have a think about it. Some people will think it's too early to be asking as it's still September (I mean there are comments all over this forum about it being too early for thinking about Xmas:p).

Give it a week and see what replies you've got and then say something like was anyone else interested in secret santa? Have a think about your wording and make it polite but very clear that you won't be buying for everyone this year, if they want to join you in the secret santa then you're happy to organise it as an alternative.

Yes, I think this is the way I'm going to go. One more person replied and said she'll be giving everyone she normally gives presents to presents but she never expects anything in return! :embarasse The seven other people have not replied. I am thinking I will just leave it for the moment, not say anymore until I see them in person and chat then.

A few people in this thread suggested meeting up with friends instead. We already do this (which is when we swap presents), we have a lovely bring and share get together which I really really enjoy. I don't want to drop out of this get together.

These friends are really nice people, and I know they wouldn't be offended if I bought them nothing. What I'm battling with here is totally myself. I would feel like a taker if I receive a present and don't give one back, which is why I was hoping for a pact to buy less. I will wrangle with my own brain and see how I get on! :rotfl:

In other news I texted a group of seven cousins and we have agreed no presents at all this year! :T Really happy with that.

Crowdpleaser

Yes we stopped a long time back. When my children were born. Dh family don't celebrate Xmas due to religion.... I only really have nan and grandad who want for nothing, brother who hates Xmas and mum who can't really afford it either. So we stopped. A couple of years ago me and mum found we missed giving each other little gifts such as balls of knitting wool, notepads, nice sweets. Not tat. Just thoughtful bits. We didn't do it last year but might this time.

Everyone therefore just buys for my 2 girls.

I have a few get together with friends and sometimes there is a secret santa which is fun at just a fiver.

Be strong and make the decision!

Nelski

No obligation felt at all here i have to say.

Cards wise buy for my mum and a few very close friends certainly no neighbours. One neighbour who lives opposite and we both moved in at the same time 20 + years ago still sends a cheapy card addressed to No 3 :rotfl: oh I feel so loved:D

Presents wise again I have about 5 people I will buy small very personal gifts for and thats it A couple of years ago I was spending hundreds on one friend and her family and getting a dressing gown back...a cheap one at that... till I woke up.

My really good friends are all of the same mind so now I get no tat just thoughtful gifts. I love home made stuff like cakes chutneys chillis and vodkas. Its not just about saving money its the thought that goes in ....makes me grimace when people say they have done all their shopping in one day (usually in September) and are relieved ....or the ones it get it all done in January for next year ....so festive

There is no obligation just a self imposed guilt and for that you will pay heavily

System

We stopped buying our extended family years ago i only buy for my daughter, hubby , my parents and my new baby great neice .


Hubbys family were resistant to it but i think when they realised we meant it they stopped buying for us .We send cards only and a gift for special birthdays but nothing else .


OP you and the other friend should send a message to all concerned saying what you are doing and leave it at that .


Good luck

Gers

Just want to add that I find the idea of Secret Santa even more oppressive! It almost guarantees tat, and cheap under a fiver tat to boot.

The idea that a work colleague (i.e. a relative stranger who may or may not like you) has to buy a present for me without knowing my taste or dislikes (back to rose scented talc again) fills me with horror.

I can vividly remember getting my first LP for Christmas - Rubber Soul by The Beatles - and the joy it gave me. That and my patent leather K Skips :rotfl: Now there is no wait, anticipation or hope.

In Scotland we have ‘mindings’ Small thoughtfully chosen gifts to show that we have kept some in mind. Mindings can happen all year round. I love and appreciate my friends all the time, even the one who, every year, sends me a Christmas card with ‘this is not a Christmas card’ written over the top of the festive greeting. :rotfl:

DKRobert

Gers wrote: »

Just want to add that I find the idea of Secret Santa even more oppressive! It almost guarantees tat, and cheap under a fiver tat to boot.

The idea that a work colleague (i.e. a relative stranger who may or may not like you) has to buy a present for me without knowing my taste or dislikes (back to rose scented talc again) fills me with horror.

I can vividly remember getting my first LP for Christmas - Rubber Soul by The Beatles - and the joy it gave me. That and my patent leather K Skips :rotfl: Now there is no wait, anticipation or hope.

In Scotland we have ‘mindings’ Small thoughtfully chosen gifts to show that we have kept some in mind. Mindings can happen all year round. I love and appreciate my friends all the time, even the one who, every year, sends me a Christmas card with ‘this is not a Christmas card’ written over the top of the festive greeting. :rotfl:

We have Secret Santa at work, would like to get rid but I know I'm fighting the tide on that one. In all fairness, I've actually received a few decent gifts through this (knitted snood, portable bicycle repair kit).

I just do my best to be as loud & vocal as possible in requesting something edible or drinkable, at least that way I know it'll get used :beer:

VfM4meplse

Blackbeard_of_Perranporth wrote: »

My nana bought a pen and a dairy. Job done. She always put her birthday in it!

Smart woman - also insured against the future possiblity of re-gifting elsewhere.

Crowdpleaser wrote: »

Yes we stopped a long time back. When my children were born. Dh family don't celebrate Xmas due to religion....

I find this really odd. The vast majority of people in this country don't celebrate Christmas as a Christian celebration, its more like a year-end break and an excuse to wind down with people you love. The celibration aspect exists independently of the religion, and most non-Christiam religions that I am aware of go hand in hand with a culture of giving, not meanness - and it would be highly unusual to go to someone's home empty-handed.

If someone really didn't celebrate Christmas on religious grounds, why accept the BHs?

Spendless

hedgesparrow wrote: »

Yes, I think this is the way I'm going to go. One more person replied and said she'll be giving everyone she normally gives presents to presents but she never expects anything in return! :embarasse The seven other people have not replied. I am thinking I will just leave it for the moment, not say anymore until I see them in person and chat then.

A few people in this thread suggested meeting up with friends instead. We already do this (which is when we swap presents), we have a lovely bring and share get together which I really really enjoy. I don't want to drop out of this get together.

Ahh now I can see where this is awkward and it would really make more sense to do a Secret Santa. Did you say there were 10 of you and you buy something for £5 each? If you did and everyone else does likewise, then no-one needs 9 x £5 presents, an angle to come at (for secret santa) would be it would make more sense to set a budget at say £15 and you just buy and receive 1 present. Can you not get the ones that you've said have grumbled about it onboard?

[Deleted User]

I cut back considerably on the absurdity of cards by simply telling everyone apart from my two DD's that all the cash I would have spent on cards,postage etc was going to the Sally Army instead, and for the past two years have done exactly that. My DGD who is a primary school teacher gets such a lot given to her from Mums etc that she says she can never use it all up, usually umpteen tins of biscuits ,so they too get given to the local Sally Army as well. I do my best to pass on stuff I will never use it a month of Sundays and have already to my family that I have more than enough pairs of slippers !!! about five at the last count as yet unused and only one pair of feet to put them on, so no more slippers thank you.

I make small gift boxes for friends my age of things I know they may not treat themselves to ,perhaps a nice pot of jam or some fruit teas and they are always gratefully received as I have several friends who are housebound I try to find a jigsaw or a nice paperback which too goes down well

I see no point in getting some box of 'body lotion' that will maybe never used. I like useful presents as well and one year my DD couldn't think what to buy me so I said how about just a day for the two of us when we potter around in another town just looking at the CS and maybe a nice afternoon cuppa with some cake it was brilliant and we went to Brighton and had a nice walk along the front and a cuppa and some fish and chips and a good long natter together She is a very busy lady doing quite a stressful job, so a day with her Mum did us both the world of good

We now have our yearly day out together around April when the weather is nicer and the past couple of years we have had a wander around Knightsbridge and the West End. It means we both switch off our phones and we just natter and enjoy each others company for the day

JackieO x