How to Reduce Christmas Present Obligation?

hedgesparrow

I saw Martin on tv talking about reducing unnecessary Christmas present giving.

I really want to do this. Mr Hedgesparrow's and my immediate family is rather large and so we give a lot of presents at Christmas (all on the low budget side). We also give to lots of friends.

I would like to reduce the amount of presents we give. So last night, on a whatsapp group of ten friends, I tentatively suggested a secret santa, instead of what we normally do, everyone getting everyone else presents.

They did not go for it. Only two people have replied and they both say they want to give gifts to everyone. I feel a bit bah humbug. One person said no one is obligated to get them anything in return, but no matter what they say, I would feel bad if they gave me something and I didn't give them anything.

I know I'm not the only person in the group who feels this way, because someone suggested no presents at all last year. But that didn't go down well either. I was really hoping my secret santa idea would be a good half-way house.

Should I just quit this idea, suck it up and buy them all something? I love these people, but the thought of all this shopping makes me feel stressed already, and it is only September!

Gers

Just do it!

I gave up this Christmas obligation umpteen years ago and feel so much less stressed.

Cards are only sent to surviving elderly parent. No others. As for gifts I tend to buy little things when / if I spot something during the whole year. Then it gets sent immediately. None of that awful buying five sets of the same thing because nothing else comes to mind, or being guilty about not buying for someone who has given me a gift.

I still receive Christmas cards :eek: from those who wish to send and understand my position. My generosity is spread out during the year and confined to a 'have to give' day.

Good luck!

rach_k

I'd just cut down on what you buy. If you want to hand over a gift, give a nice but cheap box of biscuits or something to each household. If they are bothered by it, they'll cut down on what they buy you next year. If they aren't, they'll continue giving you gifts because they enjoy it and you can sit back and accept graciously, knowing that they're doing it for themselves as much as you.

hedgesparrow

rach_k wrote: »

I'd just cut down on what you buy. If you want to hand over a gift, give a nice but cheap box of biscuits or something to each household. If they are bothered by it, they'll cut down on what they buy you next year. If they aren't, they'll continue giving you gifts because they enjoy it and you can sit back and accept graciously, knowing that they're doing it for themselves as much as you.

I think I might have to go this way. Last year I went really cheap and only spent £5 each on them. But that's still £50! That's half my monthly food budget! Tempted to just get them a toblerone each and be done with it...

hedgesparrow

Gers wrote: »

Cards are only sent to surviving elderly parent. No others. As for gifts I tend to buy little things when / if I spot something during the whole year. Then it gets sent immediately. None of that awful buying five sets of the same thing because nothing else comes to mind, or being guilty about not buying for someone who has given me a gift.


Good luck!

I wish I was this brave. I know myself though, and I know I WILL feel guilty. How do you avoid it?

timehastoldme

We always ask people not to get us gifts and spend the money on their children, and tend instead to buy a family present for our siblings and their kids, usually a board game, maybe with some home made snacks and a green and blacks hot chocolate or something. With five sets of siblings, it saves a lot of money and means we can afford a nicer game than the cheap toot we'd have to fork out otherwise. We gift to our parents, but on the practical side, one year it was walking socks and last year it was Waitrose cool bags and picnic sets we found in the end of summer sale.

If I get given gifts that are expensive, it really makes me uncomfortable. I don't need the things, I can't afford to reciprocate and quite often it's a thing I really wouldn't use (which ramps up the guilt because of the cost). We are always happy with a second hand book and an up to date photo of one of the nieces or nephews we can put up on the rogues gallery in the hall.

Stoke

This might sound cynical, but I'll be honest.... I don't give cards to my neighbours anymore. I used to at my old house, but last year after the breakup of my relationship, I wasn't feeling very Christmassy (I was practically forced to put my tree up).
I didn't give them, and noticed that didn't receive any.... so to me, that's green light to just sack that off altogether. Wish them a merry christmas if I see them, nothing more though. We're not friends, we're neighbours. I did receive them the year before, but I'm convinced they were just returned favours after the ones I posted.

As for gifts:
Mum, Dad, Sister, her husband are basically guaranteed a gift or two.... If I see something expensive that would be a joint gift I'll give that.
Cousins and aunt's/uncles etc.... card from me. Usually me and my sister go half in on something and just have it delivered to one of our houses. Save on stress.

Friends? Nah. Pint in the pub.
Workmates? Nah.
Football Team? Nah.

That's everyone right?

PasturesNew

Stick with it - but you have to mean it.

These days most people can buy exactly what they want, when they want it, from the shop they want it from, in the size/colour they want it .... so most presents are simply "waste of money tat" they'd rather not give house room to.

I don't give/receive any presents these days.... saves a lot of anxiety, trips out, driving around, mulling, stressing, then buying, wrapping.... and still feeling "that was awful"...

With the money saved I could just buy what I really wanted.... but I don't buy for myself either as a rule

Happy_Kitties

I'm in exactly the same position hedgesparrow have a lot of friends kids and family to buy for. With the different lots I suggested no more present buying and use the monies instead to spend on their own children.

You wouldn't believe with the different groups the resistance I received.
I shop all year (easier and more practical for me......wheelchairs and crowds don't mix) and if I see a perfect present at a bargain price then I will get it and have hunted out some cracking bargains in the past as I factor postage in aswell.
I then get comments about how much I've spent and I shouldn't have when in fact I've bought the presents for peanuts so have come to the conclusion that I can't win.

I set a budget for the whole of my Christmas present spending and don't go a penny over, then I know I'm not stupid spending. Most of the budget is for my DD (which are mainly practical presents that DD will use all year round and maybe one special present), immediate family and my bestie who has been amazing and the rest just has to fit around that. That way I still feel I have control despite the resistance

hedgesparrow

Thank you for the replies. With immediate family we will be buying presents because we agreed to a reduced giving system in the past but it got broken so I gave in. Which is why I was hoping with friends to reduce there. But no one will agree to even reduce the present giving! People who don’t buy presents, what do you do / say when someone goes ahead and gives you a gift anyway? I wonder if I feel more obligated because I’m female? Men don’t seem to be expected to give presents as much? Or maybe that is just my perception.

Mojisola

hedgesparrow wrote: »

Thank you for the replies. With immediate family we will be buying presents because we agreed to a reduced giving system in the past but it got broken so I gave in.

So stiffen your spine and tell them again that this year you are not buying any presents or only buying presents for X, Y and Z.

If they continue to buy you presents, thank them and stay strong.

It's up to them whether they buy for you again next year.

Which is why I was hoping with friends to reduce there. But no one will agree to even reduce the present giving!

Well, there's at least one other person in your group of friends who wants to stop giving presents to all and sundry. Send a joint message around saying that neither of you are buying presents this year - the others may chose just to continue to gift each other - that's up to them.

If you get a present from them, again, just thank them.

Christmas without having to buy lots of presents is so stress-free - worth achieving it!