How to Reduce Christmas Present Obligation?

timehastoldme

hedgesparrow wrote: »

People who don’t buy presents, what do you do / say when someone goes ahead and gives you a gift anyway? I wonder if I feel more obligated because I’m female? Men don’t seem to be expected to give presents as much? Or maybe that is just my perception.

I get round this by not having any friends 😆

But when it does come up, I thank them, tell them they're far too generous and then go back with a cake or something crocheted or I've gifted Christmassy flower arrangements in little tins before when I've had oasis and the skimmia is looking pretty.

I find if you straight tell people you can't afford to reciprocate with anything expensive, but here is a thing I've made then they will either appreciate the effort, get embarrassed and scale themselves back next year or turn their nose up. If it's the last one, then that person is probably a jerk anyway.

Some people love giving presents, more than receiving them, so let them. You do not have to reciprocate to any set level.

VfM4meplse

Mummy2cheekymonkeys wrote: »

If they are good friends then you should be able to explain to them what you want to do and why. Any decent friends wouldn't be bothered in the slightest surely?

I'd rather have nothing than end up with tat.

I have a friend who earns a very good salary but is ultra-tight. Anything she gives is poor quality / chocolates that are due to expire in the next 5 days, that sort of thing, which I find offensive. It speaks volumes about her generosity of spirit, but to be fair she doesn't actually spend on herself (or anyone else) either. She just doesn't enjoy spending money, just hoarding it, for what reason I cannot understand - whereas I'd rather spend a bit where it will bring the receiver genuine pleasure. I consider myself a decent friend, just not a dumping ground for carp.

-taff

One of my friends regifts or charities stuff she doesn't want. She was a miffed to find out I did the same thing with some of her gifts, I think she thought she was better at it
Now there's not much tat anymore, and we've established what we do and do not want so everyone is happy

Gers

hedgesparrow wrote: »

I wish I was this brave. I know myself though, and I know I WILL feel guilty. How do you avoid it?

I only felt guilty for about five minutes! My really good friends all understand and mostly agree and wish they could do it themselves.

My pet hate was sets of smelliest - rose scented soap / talc / bath salts top of the hate list. :mad: I haven't even got a bloomin' bath. :rotfl:

Life without the pressure and commercialism that now comes with Christmas is brilliant.

Ilona

I stopped buying Christmas presents a few years ago, it was doing my head in, wandering around the shops in a daze, not knowing what to get. I hate wasting money, so I tried to buy useful gifts. One year, out of frustration, I bought grocery items, jar of coffee, tin of beans, packet of pasta, etc, and gift wrapped them. That gave people a laugh. The following year I thought, stuff it, I am not going through the whole rigmarole again, that's it, no more Christmas shopping ever again. I told everyone Christmas is cancelled.

I still get presents from family, and I thank them for their kindness. I don't feel guilty at accepting them, they know how I feel about the consumer madness of Christmas shopping.

I do give money to my cousins, for their young children. They can either save it or spend it.

To the OP, stand up for yourself, be true to yourself. If you want to get off the Christmas merry go round of present buying, tell everyone now that you are not giving any presents this year.

ilona

kazwookie

OP as others have said stand up for yourself.

About 12 years ago, I cut my card list and present in half, then the following year did the same, the following year I bought no presents, and only sent senior members / golden oldies a card.

Most of the family follow suit, as 12 years ago we were all buying about 30 to 40 presents @ £15 approx. it was getting daft.

No one in the family suffered, all of them are less stressed.

Living_proof

I only buy gifts or give money to the under-18s and frankly the only presents I could give to my own children would be silly novelties as they have everything they need and want. Not like my own childhood when anything that wasn't absolutely essential was given as a birthday or Christmas gift. The festivities were magical and it wasn't in your face as it is these days. A Marston Breweries pub I went to last night had a Christmas tree already up and Lidl already had some Christmas fare earlier today. I don't remember families being under pressure in my own childhood, except the Mum who would be flushed with heat cooking the dinner and who had been struggling to hide various gifts for weeks. The Carol services were delightful but there was no compulsion for every group and class to have anything other than a really low-key celebration. I am glad that families have more now but we have lost the magic of Christmas I am afraid.

[Deleted User]

Many years ago we decided between us that we would not give presents to our children but just to grandchildren. We gave money to the parents of the younger children for them and the remaining grandchildren all got the same amount until they were 18, then they dropped off the list......all except 2 of them are over 18 now. we now have great grand children.....seven at the last count and a new little girl expected next month, so the parents get cash to buy what ever for the children be it clothes, shoes or toys.

We do not expect presents but we usually get something (its usually either something to eat or drink) so we say a gracious thank you and leave it at that. I do give a couple of personal presents, things I have made myself. I do not expect anything in return.

mumf

As my elderly aunt says: PRESENCE,not PRESENTS.

Spendless

Have any other friends responded to your whatsapp question about secret santa now?

You posted on here about it at 10.48am yesterday having asked your friends about it the night before. You perhaps hadn't given it long enough for people to see it or have a think about it. Some people will think it's too early to be asking as it's still September (I mean there are comments all over this forum about it being too early for thinking about Xmas:p).

Give it a week and see what replies you've got and then say something like was anyone else interested in secret santa? Have a think about your wording and make it polite but very clear that you won't be buying for everyone this year, if they want to join you in the secret santa then you're happy to organise it as an alternative.