Neighbour with dementia

claire123c

From both a professional (health worker) and personal (family members with dementia) perspective, I wanted to say that they are lucky to have a caring neighbour and family. People cannot understand the constant stress, drain, confusion, and grief that caring for people with dementia involves without having experience of it. I also think people forget the sadness, fear, and confusion the person suffering with dementia feels every day.

Toileting accidents cause so much stress for carers, and I can see how that can tip people. Its so hard to support people who have accidents and the unpredictability of it, the cleaning up, the embarassment and shame people and carers feel about it.

The husband is sounds as though he is trying his best but is displaying carer stress and social workers are needed both for his and her health. I hope he can in the future accept even a morning carer to support, or pads for the wife to wear to help manage.

My concern would be him being readmitted and his discharge being unsuitable and unsafe if he was unable to support his wife or himself at home.

The dementia and or alzheimers society can offer wonderful support to peope or wven an ear to people who are overwhelmed and need to vent. If the husband feels unable to vent (totally acceptable and understood!) to anyone this may be why he gets so cross at his wife as he may be bottling the emotion and stress of it all and then something like an accident ends up with him shouting.

Safeguarding may be the route but also finding a way to practically and emotionally support the husband and find a way around the situation.

X

crv1963

Hi Bugslet,


Just read through the thread. There is a lot of good advice, some of this is the bread and butter of health, police and social service teams.


There are several approaches that can be taken at the same time:-


1) Anyone can ring their local safeguarding team at anytime, not just following an incident, they can ask that a Section 42 assessment under the care act of needs is completed.


Link- https://www.scie.org.uk/safeguarding/adults/practice/questions


They will not be told if this is carried out due to confidentiality issues. This is an assessment of the current situation, it can be raised for both neighbours not just the one with dementia. This is a Statutory duty and will be passed to the last agency health or social care service that had the wife on their caseload. This also means all the circumstances they live in are looked at. If they haven't had any agency involved then they will carry it out by the Safeguarding Team. They have someone 24 hours a day so an evening call will be logged and sent on to the right Team the following morning, only emergencies will get an immediate response- usually the Police.


2) The husband can be offered a care needs assessment, carer support although he can if he has capacity decline this.


3) Wife can have a care needs assessment- her children can request this as well as her husband.


4) GP appointment for either accompanied by daughter who can tell GP of the stresses it is causing.


5) Letters to the great and the good- Director of Social Services and the Chief Executive of the Mental Health Trust giving details as you know them- names, addresses and if known GP all help get the appropriate help as they again have a duty to find out the facts if not raises it on their radar. Again if you do this only expect a bland response to you, but know the case will be dealt with.


From my work in carrying out some of these enquiries in a former role they are taken seriously, just the information you can give back to the referring person can be limited. Believe me these people pass the complaint/ request for help downhill very fast, they don't like getting them.


Persistence is sadly the name of the game in these budget slashed days. Being taken off to a care home is really, really the last resort, but the needs of both neighbours does need addressing.


Often there is some hostility at first, but maybe some respite for husband and support may enable him to cope better, wife to be supported living at home for longer.


Well done for being a caring neighbour.

badmemory

Just to say that 20 minutes shouting from a loved one could well be 100% better than the alternative. The shouting MAY have been their previous life & may have been more than compensated for by the 2-5 hours TV watching holding hands on the sofa. And can never be replaced by the care home's caring. My parents shouted & screamed at one another for 55 years & I know my father would never have let anyone else care for my mother, but I strongly suspect that the dementia would not have changed the shouting bit. They were totally devoted to the exclusion of all else (including their children who were simply a by product) & I wouldn't have liked to be a social worker who tried to separate them.


I just wanted to put the other point of view - but then I always thought my parents should part from the age of at least 7 so what do I know?