forgotten birthday

jackieblack

*max* wrote: »

There is no such thing as a "special" birthday when you're an adult, or if there is, it only matters to you.

This ^^^^^^^^

I'm totally with 'Leonard's mother' (Big Bang Theory) on birthdays - as adults, we should celebrate achievements and being expelled from a birth canal isn't one.

So I do make a bit of an exception for very elderly people, for whom having survived another year is quite an achievement - basically they're celebrating 'not being dead yet'!

Marvel1

Yes you are being childish, age is just a number, nothing special about them.

rach_k

Was this special birthday 13 years old? If not, you're being childish. If you want to celebrate other people's special birthdays go for it, but expecting people to remember something that has no real significance to themselves or the world is daft, IMHO, and being petty about it afterwards is even worse.

Pixie5740

Your OH's family probably didn't realise it was a significant birthday because you didn't arrange anything and your OH didn't remind them. Personally it wouldn't bother me but significant birthdays seem to be a thing in your extended family.

If the reason you didn't organise a meal including the extended family is because they usually whinge about your choice of venue and the prices don't go putting yourself out to attend a meal you can't really afford to go to anyway.

trailingspouse

I totally understand. But I'm not sure there's a lot you can do about it.


My step-daughter's birthday is the day after mine. One year we were on holiday with her over both birthdays, and that was great. Two birthday meals on the trot!! Following the holiday we all ended up at her boyfriend's parents' home (long story). They knew that our birthdays were one after the other.


They made a HUGE deal of step-daughter's birthday - card, gifts, banner, home-made cake, glass of bubbly - even though it was a few days after the event. Not even a card for me. Only her boyfriend realised the omission, and added my name to the Happy Birthday song.



Was I p!$$ed off about it? Yes, actually. Was it childish - maybe. I know that if the roles had been reversed I would have made sure that the 'other' birthday person wasn't forgotten.

WibblyGirly

I don't think its childish to be a bit upset when it's a milestone birthday. I come from a family where neither birthdays nor academic/work achievements are celebrated with more than a 'well done'. So seeing others having close family gatherings or fun celebrations does make me a bit jealous.
This year though, I'm taking it upon myself to make plans for my milestone birthday as I want to have that warm fuzzy celebrations with my friends.

If you can't afford to go for the meal, I'd try to just send husband on his own. I wouldn't go just because they didn't come to yours. I couldn't tell you how old my boyfriends sister is so I'd need to be told if it was a special one.

annandale

I don’t think it’s childish either. You’ve to make a fuss of theirs while they couldn’t be bothered with yours.

System

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

one response from an adult child on being asked to send cards to Grandma, sibling and for Mother's Day was "I am not prepared to send more than one useless piece of cardboard, which one matters most?"

I presume they would be equally happy if they didn't receive any 'useless pieces of cardboard' on their own birthday? Possibly the younger generation do things via the cloud, rather than on paper, and this is what he means.

Pollycat

*max* wrote: »

There is no such thing as a "special" birthday when you're an adult, or if there is, it only matters to you.

My thoughts too
I cringe when I see adults (usually women) with balloons proclaiming 40 or 50 or sashes saying 'it's my birthday'.
I have a so-called 'significant' birthday coming up and we're on holiday. I was saying to the OH that I hope the hotel doesn't make a fuss.

To the OP - it's possibly a tad unfair to say they didn't come to your birthday meal when you didn't even invite them.

NeilCr

*max* wrote: »

There is no such thing as a "special" birthday when you're an adult, or if there is, it only matters to you.

I am not sure this is entirely true.

In our group we celebrate each others "landmark" birthdays. We are pleased for the person and we all like going out to celebrate together.

I've been out in a group for my 40th, 50th and 60th. My partner and I had a meal together on my 65th but we are having a meal for around 20 odd of us with a band next Saturday.

I do think it matters to others.

Having said that I do think the OP is overreacting. It would be interesting to know how old she is.