forgotten birthday

Legacy_user

I'll try and keep it short, but i had a special birthday last year but all dh family forgot it was special apart from one who sort of realised.
i had a card from them all but no reference to age or gift.
we had agreed that we would only buy for special birthdays and children upto 21.

So last year before mine, i sent card/gift and went to family member special birthday,this year we have another family member special birthday and to be honest im still feeling peeved off about it.
we've been asked out for a meal with family but i don't want to go,we also can't afford it and i certainly don't feel like giving a gift. I have brought a card to send with age on it!
what are your thoughts, am i being mean/childish about this?!

welshbabe88

Are you being mean - hard to say. It may be that they genuinely forgot - without a reminder they might have just had other things on their minds.
What does hubby say about it? Knowing men probably nothing!
So now this years dilemma - now maybe if you'd asked them for a meal they'd have realised - or have I got it wrong? As it is unless you want to create a rift its easier just to go and give a small gift - but if you really cannot afford it just send a special card and leave it at that. I doubt they'd remember or bother - most people often don't register who gave what anyway.

oystercatcher

I struggle to remember birthdays' especially in OH's family. So I wouldn't be surprised if others forget them. Life is busy , it's only a day . What is more important is how they are the other 364 days of the year .

I don't send cards with ages on either was brought up to think it was a bit 'naff' to do things like that LOL. Just be grateful you were sent a card !

If you don't want to go out for the meal then don't go unless it's someone who particularly needs extra support or company (like and elderly relative). I've been a lot happier in myself since I stopped feeling guilty about pleasing others when I'm not responsible for them !

suki1964

was my birthday last week, and apart from an email from this site, it may as well never happened

Dearest darling stepdaughters birthday Monday, the mother of my grandchildren, the ones who are too young to know about birthdays and have money to buy and post cards. Well guess what, I didn't forget hers and reminded her father as well

Life is !!!!! at times.Its a birthday forgotten thats all

System

hubby said nothing really,its his side so i understand.
we went out just as a family as we have found in the past that they have said they don't like price or choice of meals so easier just us. we didn't ask them. But only one said something to dh after the event. so i never even had oh we forgot, and by the way happy ......th
we cannot afford to go as would have to pay for 5 of us.
i'm just sending card and leave it at that,thanks

System

oystercatcher- we don't see the family hardly the rest of the year apart from one.
i know what you mean about age cards but they usually have sent them in the past and the other 2 have
posted/informed the family of all there celebrations.
I will just smile and be quiet,best option i think

System

suki1964- life is !!!!!
belated birthday wishes to you
thanks

lika_86

This sounds like it should be on your husband, he should have reminded them or mentioned it at some point, I'm not sure in-laws should be expected to necessarily know how old you are unless there is a particular reason to. I have no clue how old the other half's parents or siblings are or what anniversary they're on.

*max*

You're only being childish if the reason you are not going is because they forgot yours.

There is no such thing as a "special" birthday when you're an adult, or if there is, it only matters to you. I wouldn't expect in-laws to remember my birthday at all, unless they were really close. And you say yourself you never see them! So yes, you are being childish IMO. Your choice to feel hurt by it, but I personally wouldn't be.

Savvy_Sue

I have enough trouble keeping up with birthdays for my side of the family, so I regard the in-laws as DH's responsibility. Fortunately there aren't many of them, I have a much larger family. I remind our offspring about Father's Day and DH's birthday: I expect DH to do the same for Mother's Day and my birthday.

so if it's a big deal to you, I'd say it's up to you to get your DH to talk to his side of the family.

One of my siblings rarely bothers to send cards to the siblings who don't send cards to them, or to nephews and nieces. That's their call. I try to send cards to them all for birthdays and don't stress about whether or not they reciprocate.

Cards are more important to some people than to others: one response from an adult child on being asked to send cards to Grandma, sibling and for Mother's Day was "I am not prepared to send more than one useless piece of cardboard, which one matters most?"

74jax

Did your husband arrange a meal for your birthday and only your side turn up? What was the reason they didn't attend? Maybe your husband should have said how upset you were back then?

To be honest I didn't know sending cards with an age on was a thing. I just either phone or send a text (shocking I know, but I'm saving the environment..)

If you don't go to the meal because they didn't come to yours yes you are being very childish. If you don't go because you can't afford it that's completely different and just tell them. Could you afford for just husband to go on a meal with his family?