Little By Little...

GlendaSugarbean

You've done so well to keep up with things despite the job situation .

kindofagilr

You have done really well

Yeah when I looked at NUS it said if you don't have like a student email then you can pick it up from your place of learning which he can do, but I need him to be there to tell me his course name etc, and I need the £12 lol so that will have to wait till tomorrow, we have paid for one month prime till 20th April and YNAB runs out on 6th April so need to sort it before then xx

redmel1621

I actually feel like I am working against everything and everyone else.

Dh is working away next week so I am going to try and go through things a bit more thoroughly and come up with some kind of plan.

However, he announced last night that his PC is goosed and needs a new motherboard. That will mean new processor, heat sink, memory etc... We're looking at probably £300-£400. He has suggested putting it on a Scan bnpl account. We are just due to pay off one in April of £200 and we have two others that were left to go onto a credit agreement because we simply didn't have any money to pay them off. They are costing us £52 per month between them and have roughly £500/£600 left to pay on them.

I just feel that everytime I think we can start to get some savings and then get back to paying things off he wants to spend money.

In the last month, he has already bought an amp for the guitar, new picks, 4 new tshirts and a belt. Costing in the region of £100. We had to get our little car back on the road so he could get to work and we paid out over £100 in petrol for him to get there along with maybe £30-£40 on food each week for the last three weeks.

Now he wants to spend nearly £400 on his PC.

He wants to go to the pub every week, sometimes a few times a week and gets stroppy if I complain. He was complaining that I wouldn't just drop everything to go to Amsterdam with his friends, despite the fact that we have neither childcare or money to do such a thing.

The problem is his mate is on far higher wages than we are. He earn around £43k and his wife also works part time on about 9k a year. They live in a smaller, cheaper property, have only one child who is just going into high school and she stays away at grandparents most weekends. They have far more free time and far more disposable income.

Neither Dh or myself even have a steady job at the minute and need to be super careful with money. He just won't see it. And yes, he is on a good wage right now, on this job, but as he is a subcontractor he has to pay his own petrol and/or accommodation for jobs. If he was with a company they wouldn't have those extra costs.

He needs his motorbike fixing as the petrol gauge is not working and it also needs new tyres. That seems to be a moan every now and then, but then forgotten about. now it's the PC. I am so fed up.

He spouts on about clearing the debts, but doesn't actually want to sacrifice anything to be able to do so. He won't accept that we can't pay them off whilst still just blowing cash willy-nilly.

I feel a bit alone right now.

Chrystal

Sending ((((hugs)))) to you redmel.

It sounds as though you're really going through the mill at the moment, and OH is in total denial mode.

Have you made a list of what HAS to be paid out monthly and what is actually left? Then ask HIM how HE suggest the remaining money should be allocated... making sure that it is shared equally between the two of you. Or does he think that you aren't entitled to any spending money?

You could also tell him that you would very much like to be in the same position as his mate's wife and that he needs to spend some time looking for a better paid permanent job instead of wasting money and time on things he can;t afford! I don't for one second suppose that he'll take any notice, BUT it might make you feel better to get it off your chest! XX

redmel1621

I have made a list; he doesn't really pay any attention to it.

I am getting so frustrated with him and our whole situation. I would be happy to cut back on everything for a while, but he thinks because he is now earning some ok money that he can just carry on blowing it all. He completely ignores the fact that he has been out of work for the last THREE months and we had pretty much exhausted every penny from everywhere to live. I want to get out of this hole we are in. He seems happy to just stay as we are and ignore everything.

I'll just have to try and get on with things as I always have done.

GlendaSugarbean

I'm sorry your OH hasn't had hi lightbulb moment yet. Could you maybe look at splitting the repayments, so the stuff he wants to buy just for him has to come from his wages (as well as bills and contributions to the joint debts)? Would that focus his mind?

If you have a joint account, could you set up both of you with basic accounts (Monzo maybe?) for your own spending money? So wages go into the bills account then you each get a bit for personal spends (and repayments for personal items).

As he is now earning again, time to have another budget meeting? He might have conveniently forgotten the original plan...

redmel1621

I've tried to do it like that before, where we get our wages paid into our own accounts, but then transfer bill money to joint account. I then tried it where we were both paid into joint account and transferred money to our own accounts for spending.

Neither way seems to work for us really. He has higher work costs, but he also doesn't have regular work. I am just about to go on agencies, so will (potentially) also not have regular work. I'm hoping between us we earn enough to keep us afloat. There will be weeks when either one of us will have no income. Him over winter: me over summer. Having everything go in and out of one account seems to work better because of this.

I will try and come up with a plan this coming week to tackle him, debts, savings, future plans. I'm sure everything will work out.

kindofagilr

HUGS hun it's really hard when the OH isn't on board, mine can be a money waster but not that extent (I am talking £7 here and there at subway which does annoy me lol)
I hope he gets his act together soon xx

redmel1621

It's school holidays here, well for 3 / 4 kids. The eldest is at college and his breaks up on Friday.

We're going to take him out for a celebratory drink on Friday night as he PASSED his driving test on Monday I am so happy for him. No more driving lessons to pay for He'll be pleased as it means an extra £100pm towards saving for his big bike licence and a bigger bike. He's also trying to put some aside for uni.
I've started picking a few bits up for him. So far I've got him a few shower gels, a frying pan and a regular pan. He'll take his own bowl and I'll just give him a plate, glass and cutlery from home to take. I've said he only really wants one of each as he won't end up with a ton of washing up to do then... just use and wash ready for next meal. Tbh I'm sure most meals will be pot noodles or beans on toast, or subway/maccies etc... so I doubt he needs that many cooking utensils lol.

I've managed to cover DS2's trip payment this month with matched betting. I'm quite pleased about that really, although I'm delaying paying it until next week, as the Grand National is on this weekend and I could do with the money to cover bookie offers.

Dh is working away this week. I booked him a twin room so he can share with his work mate who has also gone. The only problem is, the guy he is working with like the white powder and so never has any money left. This means he hasn't chipped in for petrol, hasn't paid his half of the digs yet and also hasn't got much money for food. I've told DH I'm only booking a single next week if he hasn't paid by Friday (payday) it is £63 each if they share the cost plus £20 each for petrol to get there and back. We can't afford to cover the whole lot by ourselves (and shouldn't have to anyway). I'm also not booking his work mate a room if he hasn't got the money upfront for next week.

We always end up subsidising people. My brother always used to turn up at my house around dinner time hoping for a dinner, then he would proceed to drink our tea and eat all our biscuits, then stay for a few of our beers, sleep over and eat breakfast... then go home. A best friend of DH used to cry poverty all the time, so we ended up adding loads of food to our shopping every week to give to him, plus give him lifts all over the place.

We like helping people out but there comes a time where you just start to feel used.

I've said to DH we need to start being selfish. We're never going to get ourselves sorted otherwise and we are both middle aged now and fast heading for later life and retirement We need to start putting ourselves first.

I've extended my 5 year plan to a 10 year plan. I just don't think it is feasible to clear this amount of debt and save and get on the property ladder in 5yrs. I think 10yrs is much more achievable. I think in my mind I will be hoping to be sorted much sooner than 10 years, but I won't feel like a failure if it takes the full time.

I am going to map out how long these debts are going to take to pay off. I'm going to make something visual so we can see it in black and white and cross off the months as and when we make a payment. It might inspire us to overpay so we can see them vanishing quicker.

Anyway that was a right old, long waffle haha.

redmel1621

After my long waffle, I decided to put my money where my mouth is and actualy get down to the nitty gritty of seeing just how long these debts are going to take to pay off if only paying the minimum amounts.

The shortest is one month, which is the V12 debt of £200. The interst free period ends the end of April, so we will clear the balance this month. I have the money aside for it already.

The car and motorbike finance/loan, which are the biggest two debts and have the highest monthly payment, will both be clear in less that 4 years. The car has 43 months and the bike has 30 months.

The longest debt repayment plan is one of the Student Loans overpayments that we are repaying at £10 pm. It is due to be paid off in 165 months haha. I am aiming to have all debt cleared in 5 years, so 60 months.

We definitely need to get to work on overpaying.

I have made a spreadsheet, but want something a bit bigger and more visual that I can put on the wall or something - so we don't 'forget' our mission. Otherwise it is a bit out of sight out of mind and I am the only one that ever sees the exact amounts and monthly payment amounts... I want it to really hit DH hard, just how much we are paying out monthly to debts.

I've looked on pinterest, but nothing is standing out to me for design ideas yet - the search continues.