Depressed about ex-addict daughter, baby grandson and uninterested grandfather

Blanky123

I have deleted my posts now (and probably won't log back in under this cover again).


Thanks all for responding, take care x

fibonarchie

Old_Grey_Mare wrote: »

I apologise beforehand about the following essay. Maybe its the Monday blues but I do need some advice.

My 35 year old daughter has been addicted to heroin since she was 15. She worked until she was 20 but then turned to a life of prostitution and for many years we didn't know whether she would live or die. We weren't extranged but didn't see much of her.

Two years ago she met a Pakistani man. She seemed happy but didn't realise at the time he was just about to go to prison for two years. She visited him regularly in prison and was optimistic about her future.

He hadn't long been released when she told us she was pregnant. We were pretty devastated as she was still on heroin. We informed Children's Social Services who got involved. She was told she must go on a methodone programme or the baby could potentially be damaged and then they would obviously intervene when the baby was born.

My husband didn't want her living with us and she wasn't allowed to live with her boyfriend due to his being out on licence. She was placed in a hostel.

When the baby was born, we had meetings with the Social Services and it was agreed she live with us as she had to have a Ceasarean and the hostel wasn't suitable. It was while she was with us that the extent of the boyfriends control of her became apparent. He used to scream at her when visiting her and was very rough with the baby. When my husband intervened he got quite nasty and the police were called. My daughter then told us he had been hitting her and she was scared of him.

My daughter was then allocated a lovely Council house. The boyfriend would follow her when she left the house and then bang on the door demanding to be let in to see his son and the police and Social Services were constant visitors.

Anyway the baby is now 8 months old. I have looked after him every weekend since he was born to give my daughter a break. She is still on methodone and finds the mornings very difficult to cope as the baby still has broken nights and is a little livewire.

The dad eventually realised his behaviour was getting him nowhere and he does seem genuinely fond of his son. He now has weekly counselling and has admitted his dad regularly abused his mother and his two brothers. He sees my daughter on the night that I have him and they go out as a family once a week.

Things do seem a bit more positive but still depressed about a few things. My husband is completely uninterested in the baby and hardly even looks at him. I have tried and asked him to hold the baby but he refuses. He sees him as the product of two hopeless individuals and has already written him off. I worry that the baby will soon pick up on his attitude and although I give him as much attention as I can, is this enough?

The dad's family have absolutely nothing to do with my daughter or the baby. So out of four grandparents and two uncles, the only family he sees regularly is me and his mum. I am due to have a hip replacement so will be out of action for a few weeks. I pay for the baby to go to a childminder twice a week, mainly to give my daughter a break, but also so the baby can play with other children in a 'busy' family setting. The childminder loves him.

I feel better already writing all this down. Thanks for reading.

Blanky123 wrote: »

I have deleted my posts now (and probably won't log back in under this cover again).


Thanks all for responding, take care x

Good Lord.

There are times when all you can do is shake your head.

The baby ought really to have put up for adoption when he was born, rather than letting him live with drug-addict mummy (whose right to a baby seems to trump the child's right to safety and quality of life). Now he's 8 months old and you're understandably getting attached to him.

I do not have the answer, nobody will. But if this little lad stays where he is, it'll all repeat itself in about 15 years time..