Age gaps between kids

Cissi

I was 8 and my sister 6 when our brother was born My Mum has described feeling just like you do, when I was around 7 her broodiness went off the scale. Our experience was so great that I always imagined having the same kind of family (2 close in age, and a third after a longer gap). However, our two boys took a long time to arrive, and so our family is now almost certainly complete - but if I'd been a few years younger I'd probably have wanted to try again in a few years' time!

patchwork_cat

Who said it is largely accepted that large age gaps are a bad thing? A bad thing for whom? Personally I can't imagine anything worse than having another baby right when your toddler is making the transition from baby hood at 21/5. To my mind that is not the right age to introduce a baby for parent, baby or older child.

It is convention that makes 2 years the average age gap. I have 4 1/2 yrs between my 2, I personally think that 31/2 is probably a good gap, but life does not always work exactly how you plan.

Sorry if this comes across as a bit angry, but it did p*ss me off reading that it is generally accepted that big age gaps are a bad thing.

virgin_moneysaver

both my husband & I come from families with 3 kids with 8 & 9 years between oldest & youngest & we're still close, sometimes growing up you had the odd one out syndrome when maybe 2 had a similar interest but the 3rd didn't, but thats just part of growing up, similarly you have different things in common with different friends - personally we just had the 2 boys, but after 2 sections I decided to cut my losses - i still got broody but I;m over that now (I think!) then again I'm a bit old at 42 & the eldest is now 17 - but then again?!

Curious_George_2

well my daughter is 7 1/2 and im having her baby brother next thursday... so we shall see
but... im 30, my sister is 38 and my brother is 40 so they were close in age and i was after a long gap and we all hated each other until we didnt live together anymore... so age gaps mean nothing in my family

id say its more about how you handle it and what kind of family you are rather than what the age difference is

alm721

I am the eldest in my family, with 1 brother 2 years younger than me and another 10 years younger than me. When my yougest brother came along I absoulty adored him, still do (although I really wanted a sister) I used to pretend I was his mum and did allsorts with him. My other brother was less so impressed, I think he thought the yougest was a bit of a pain to be honest but he was born with severe special needs (the little one) and needs 24 hour care even now hes an adult, so prehaps that maybe played a part. My dad also left my mum 6 months after my little brother was born so I think me and my older brother had to grow up preety quickly. I love then both just the same now but had a much better relationship with the yougest when we were growing. I also have 1 daughter whose 9 and was going to be an only one as we thought we couldnt have anymore, however we have just been blessed with a son who is 6 months old. My daughter absoloutly adores him and while there may be sibling arguments in the future I dint think age has anything to do with it. Im sure both your girls would be fine with another baby and on a personal level I think its absolutly wonderful having a baby again. I have the time to spend with him during the day when my daughter is at school, so its like having the best of both worlds. I certainly would not let an age gap affect your descion.
Good Luck

Queenieviolet

My girls are 8, 5 and 11 months and I love the gap between them. The bigger two love looking after the baby and are a great help to me. The downside is that they can be a little too helpful if you know what I mean, and I've had to get a bit more laid back about my youngest picking up all the older ones toys with tiny pieces and following them into the garden and up stairs etc!! I would love a fourth but am getting a bit on the old side (35) and couldn't really afford much of a gap this time - that terrifies me much more than a big gap

jo_b_2

There's nearly five years between my two boys. Eldest is 5 and youngest nearly 4 months.

It's early days, obviously, but so far that age gap is working well. The eldest is besotted by his baby brother and the baby just follows him around with his eyes, entranced by him!

I get to spend one-to-one time with my baby while my eldest is in school. He's got friends and a life outside of the home so he hasn't been threatened by the new arrival. Financially, I will only have one lot of expensive childcare to pay out for when I go back to work next year and a few hours of kids club for my eldest.

Having maternity leave at this stage has meant that I've been able to do the school run while my eldest settles into reception. It has worked out really well for us so far. Obviously every family will be different and different things are going to suit them but big gaps aren't necessarily bad.

Even with a five year age gap, my two still do things together. They both have a bath together and share their bedtime story and the eldest talks to the baby all the time!

Dustykitten

DS1 was 8 and DS2 6 (all be it by a month) when DS3 was born. It has been great and definitely the right thing to do. We went back and forth shall we shant we and in the end got careless and got lucky I guess.

Right now they are not getting on so great DS1 and 2 are both at secondary so the gap seems big right now (13, 11 and 5) as they are at 'different life stages' but I still think they all get alot out of the relationship.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

suzie_wong

I have 5 years (all but a month) between my daughter and son. I wouldn't have planned it that way, but things like work and money meant that it was necessary for us to wait the second time around.
Overall I would say that it has been fine, but now they are 10 and 5 the age gap is showing a lot as they largely want to do different things. At some ages the age gap has shown more than others.
They wind eachother up no end, but adore eachother really (just won't admit it!)
I am very broody like you, but I will be 40 in February :eek: and have to accept that I am not going to have any more children now. I feel really envious of pregnant women (not of the sickness though!) but as far as I see it, I have 2 'perfect' children, one of each, and I don't want to push my luck!

Good luck, whatever you decide.;)

Kelinik

patchwork_cat wrote: »

Who said it is largely accepted that large age gaps are a bad thing? A bad thing for whom? Personally I can't imagine anything worse than having another baby right when your toddler is making the transition from baby hood at 21/5. To my mind that is not the right age to introduce a baby for parent, baby or older child.

It is convention that makes 2 years the average age gap. I have 4 1/2 yrs between my 2, I personally think that 31/2 is probably a good gap, but life does not always work exactly how you plan.

Sorry if this comes across as a bit angry, but it did p*ss me off reading that it is generally accepted that big age gaps are a bad thing.

Sorry it annoyed you but if you re-read what I wrote I said in my family its generally accepted that big gaps are a bad thing. I know my family are narrow minded on this front which is why I was asking for a wider view on here.

Thank you all very much for the replies, I am reading them with interest.