Age gaps between kids

Kelinik

Hi all! :hello:

Am after some views from people with larger age gaps between children. Background is I have 2 girls aged 7 and 5. The youngest has been at school since sept 06 and in spite of having a part time job, voluntary work and my rodent rescue stuff to fill my days the 'empty nest syndrome' with having both kids at school has got worse instead of better over the past year and a bit. I've been broody since the little one was about 3 but recently it's off the scale, I find myself staring misty eyed at pregnant women and even get tearful over baby clothes in shops! :o Basically I'm really struggling to accept that at the grand old age of (not quite) 27 my baby days are long gone. I've talked to DH about how I feel, he kinda knew anyway and he's not sure how he feels about having another. As a family things are good, girls are both happy and doing well at school etc and we're doing well financially so there is an element of 'if it ain't broke' but we've agreed to both go away and think it all through and see how we feel after that.

Which brings me to the thread title. In my family everyone (and I mean everyone) has just 2 kids with a max of 2-3 yr age gaps between them and it's generally accepted that large age gaps are a bad thing. Of course even should we decided to go ahead and manage to fall straight away the kids would be 6 and 8 before number 3 was born and this worries me. Does anyone have good/bad points about having a big gap, particularly if there was more than one older child? How were the older ones when the baby arrived? How did life change going from 2 to 3? Anyone got anything else to add?

All opinions welcome even if it's to tell me to stop waffling on lol!

Thanks for reading if you got this far!

celyn90

Hi OP,

My OH is 28, his sister is 30 and his brother is 46. They are a happy well balanced lot OH is closer to his sister than his brother, but they still stay in contact with each other (despite being in two different conutires) and talk frequently on the phone.

My sisters are seven years and six years younger than me and I love them to bits. I had to baby sit a lot when they were older, but it was part of growing up. I remember being intrigued when they arrived and never felt I got less attention or love than the new arrivals.

bunty109

I've 3 and they are currently 10, 7 and 3. There's 4 academic years between the first 2 and 3 between numbers 2 and 3.

To be honest, I didn't want another quickly after my first, so 3 years seemed a good gap, and we aimed for something similar between number 2 and 3 but things didn't happen that way!

I like the fact that there's a largish gap: my eldest starts secondary next year but the youngest will be in nursery/reception so I still get all the cutesy stuff to do!

Going from 2 to 3 children wasn't too bad: the eldest was 7 and was a real help and the middle child was was out of nappies and everything. I got to spend a fair amount of time with just the baby as the 2 eldest were at school or pre-school and it was lovely.

The main hassle I find is that all 3 of mine are at separate schools (pre-school, infants and junior): I am permanently rushing around and then have a lot of clubs to take my eldest 2 to! Having said that, my eldest will be able to oragnise herself by the time the youngest starts Beavers and the likes so it won't be so bad. I guess you'll find it no more hassle than with the 2 you have (apart from sleepless nights!).

I DID want a 4th after youngest was about a year old, but I'm over that now!!!

Becles

My boys are 10 and 8 and I had a baby girl in May.

It's been great and the best thing I ever did! I've found it easier this time, as the boys help out both looking after the baby, and me!

The youngest really looks after his sister, and can change a nappy, pick her up if she's crying and stuff. He's a proper little Dad! The eldest is not quite as keen on caring for her, but he plays with her and looks at books and stuff.

They help me out by fetching things and making me cups of coffee!

I thought it would be hard going from fairly independant children back to a tiny baby who needed me 24/7 for everything, but it hasn't been that difficult. All my skills came back to me, and she's doing really well.

The most important bit is still to give the older children plenty of love and attention while baby is sleeping or playing quietly, so they don't feel pushed out.

I'm broody again now and would love another little one

chmmy

Mine were 8 and 6 when my twins were born. It's great as you get another shot at it, and things like braving the baby clinic and toddler groups are much easier second time round. The older ones could at least have a bath by themselves or make a sandwich.
I think the older ones missed out a bit for a couple of years as I couldnt manage to get out and about much, and it's a bit hard now for days out- the big ones want to do things like Chessington and Thorpe Park.
But they gain so much from learning how to look after/ tolerate a tiny new person, and to be responsible and to share as that little one grows up.

snowmaid

MY older 2 were 11 and 10 when my youngest from my 2nd marriage was born. Right from the start I included them in the pregnancy and I found they were a great help in keeping the little entertained! Involve the older children straight away, get them excited for the arrival. When the little one arrives don't forget that the older children may be older, but they do still need your attention, so it may be a good idea when you have found your feet to ask hubby to look after the younger one so that you can take the older children out.

dora37

My 2 DS's were 10 & 7.5 when DD was born (6 years ago). The dynamic in the family works really well.

Having the younger one gives the older two a great excuse to join in things that they are supposedly too old for without looking daft!

The other advantage is that DD has great vocabulary, eats what the older ones eat, sits nicely at the table because she has good role models.

If you treat the older children in the right manner there shouldn't be any problems.

nearlyrich

My stepson and his wife have a 15 year old, a 6 year old and a 3 and a half month old, works for them no worries. Also a close friend has a 17 year old, a 10 year old and a nine year old, another has a 19 year old and a five year old. I have 19 months between my two and the youngest was born when I was 26, now they are all grown up and financially independant and I am still young enough to have a life. Good luck whatever you decide.

Pink_Princess_1

My dd will be 14 when my 2nd arrives in March:eek:. I had her when I was 20 and didnt think I would have any more. Met my partner 3 years ago and now we are going to be a family of 4...people think I'm mad having such a large gap but my daughter is so excited about this baby she said its all shes ever wished for so I think she will be a great help. Good luck... there is pros and cons in all age gaps.:p

pavlovs_dog

no prctical experience of this as am yet to have kids of my own, but there's five years between my brother and i and we're really close

dee_mum_of_3

our boys were 5 and 7 when matts arrived .....nd boy ws that a shock -for me mostly lol ....id thought how clever we were having 2 close together and that this age gap would be dreadful thing ....quite the opposite he has 2 big brothers to play with teach him stuff hes the baby of the family we all adore him-you will have probably gathered matts was a surprise baby lol at forst my hubs was a bit upset as he felt id failed being responsible with my pill(i had lololol)but now he will readily admit that if we had have planned another baby the time would never have been right and that matts has really been a blessing to us all!! it is a huge difference having 3 children to having 2 and it is harder work but for us it was a good thing.