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Honeysucklelou2

Hope that in the busyness of the catering, you are able to have a happy and peaceful Christmas.

MeandO

Thank you all, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and managed to recharge your batteries a little.

I am utterly exhausted, physically and emotionally, and came to bed half an hour ago as soon as DS was in bed.
I haven’t stopped, and feel like I have had to split myself into at least three for the past few days in doing everything and looking after everyone. Caring for my Mum is a full time, quite stressful, job anyway, but Dad has also been ill, I have been trying to spend quality Christmas time with DS and cooking, cleaning and tidying up for up to 8 of us at times. It seems that no-one is in sync with each other either, as as soon as I have sorted one out, the other needs my attention or needs help. I do not for one minute begrudge it and I am really happy to be able to offer support and help and to make sure everyone has a good time, but gosh, it is exhausting and I have just laid in bed and cried for no reason tonight.

Turns out, I am also hormonal, early, which explains why I was so emotional last week. I could’ve done without the painful stomach cramps as well these past few days, but never mind. Probably explains the random tears too.

Now, I am feeling so sad about the prospect of leaving my family in a couple of days, but part of me also wants to go home and see OH, I have missed him, and I want a rest, which I feel guilty about as there is no rest for my parents from this illness and daily struggle.
I also won’t see DS for almost 5 days when we get back as he’ll be with his Dad. I’m dreading that too. Talk about mixed emotions.

We have been thoroughly spoilt this Christmas and my family have given us so many gifts and money, I feel bad. Even DS has said he received too many presents and that he doesn’t need any more. He has also been given lots of money which will be split between his ISA and a game he wants to buy for his new console.
I have been given money which will fund the (cheap) TV I had planned to buy for DS’s playroom for his games with some left over to add to savings or pay down the credit card or mortgage.

I’m going to sleep now and hopefully make the best of our last full day here tomorrow. DS will also be devastated to leave, he has had such a good time and adores being around our family. I know there will be tears from my Mum when we leave too which is always so difficult to see.

Honeysucklelou2

(((Hugs))). It must be so difficult to split yourself in different directions. Are your parents able to get any practical support when you are back at home?

MeandO

Unfortunately not HSL2. I have siblings who live locally, but neither are practical people and whilst one of them is very supportive to my parents emotionally and with regards to chasing hospital appointments etc, to my parents, the normal day to day stuff is left to my Dad as my Mum can’t do much now as she is in constant agony. I wish the siblings would just cook a meal and bring it round, do some batch cooking for the freezer or come round and clean the bathroom or kitchen etc., but it doesn’t happen. It frustrates me. I would jump at the opportunity to be able to do that for my parents if I lived close to them. It is not that they don’t care, because they really do, very much, it’s just that neither of them are practical enough to think like that.
I am very different to my siblings.

I have spoken about them getting a cleaner in, but Mum is too proud and will not do it. She hates accepting help, she feels useless and this makes her feel worse. It is very difficult and utterly heartbreaking.

Honeysucklelou2

As a odd suggestion, would getting some meals in help? When my other grandmother died ( who was an amazing cook). my grandfather used a company that delivered meals to the door. He just had to pop it in the oven and I remember we felt reassured that it was something he could do, food that he could choose and it helped him to maintain independence. Would your dad find that an option to help with meals for him and your mum? Or I think there are some more modern options...in DD1's town I spotted a shop that does home cooked meals in frozen portions .

Does your mum have access to any OT support?

crazy_cat_lady

Lots of love Me and O, and don't you dare feel guilty for wanting to spend a bit of time on your own or with your OH. You give so much to other people.

MeandO

Exactly an hour after I wrote my last post, my Dad ran into my room telling me there was something really wrong with my Mum. 10 minutes later, we’d phoned an ambulance, but due to shortages, there were none available despite her being classed as an urgent priority. The two hours that followed until the ambulance arrived were just horrific. A voluntary first responder arrived and I’d called my sister by that point too. The four of us spent those next two hours battling to keep my wonderful Mum with us whilst trying to keep my Dad calm. There were several moments when I thought she wouldn’t make it to hospital. Thankfully, they eventually arrived and acted very quickly, but my Dad and sister didn’t get back from the hospital until 6am this morning. Obviously I couldn’t go as DS was asleep (and thankfully slept through it all), but got to bed just after 2am but didn’t really sleep.
Mum is a lot better today, but it was confirmed as a heart attack and another problem with her heart has been detected for which she now needs more tests. I am so thankful she is still here, but the horror of last night is making my stomach churn whenever I think about it. I think it will hit me and I’m expecting to crumble as soon as I get back in my house and am alone. I feel utterly broken.

Honeysucklelou2

(((hugs))). So sorry... Do be kind to yourself. The shock can affect in different ways. Thinking of you...

crazy_cat_lady

All my love to you and your family... I hope you're as well as you can be x

MrsSave

Oh MeandO, I am so sorry to hear. Sending lots of love to you and your family xx