At a crossroad with outgrown friendship

[Deleted User]

Does anyone else have a long term friendship that you outgrow but keep hold of out of habit rather than enjoyment ?


This is my predicament at the moment, said friend and I meet probably every six months for a few drinks / meal but I am increasingly not enjoying his company.


He works for a tech company and about 3 yrs ago got offered a job on big money which takes him abroad for one week out of four, that's fine he enjoys it. The problem is since this job all he does is either brag or belittle me and I'm fed up with it. He is consumed with talk of what he has bought, what things cost, the wealth of his new colleague and the size of his pension. He also belittles my choice to stay doing what I'm doing. He is now boring and I am finding him increasingly rude / arrogant.


For my part I think its time to accept we have out grown the friendship but another part of me thinks well its only infrequently we meet up and its shared history just poke up with it.


Anyone else have a friend you no longer seem to be proper friends with ?

onedaysomeday

I had one a few years ago, time spent was always talking about her and she was quite negative all of the time (not that I saw it then)

Ended pretty much I couldn't see her on her birthday, texted her to say I had got some euros for her holiday and a birthday card, never got a response.

It's been a few years now and I can't honestly say I miss our meetups

[Deleted User]

That's a bit similar to this guy, gave him a birthday gift which he said he'd take home and open and heard nothing, not even a thankyou, rude.

DSmiffy

For me, life is too short to be spending my precious time with someone whos company I no longer enjoyed. If my meet ups were not making me feel good about myself when I came away, or I was not looking forward to them, then it would be time for me to make my excuses and leave.

[Deleted User]

Yes I think you may be right.


He sent me a message on Friday, no greeting, no how are you, no news just a picture of a fancy watch with a fancy price tag and a 'I'm shopping'

gettingtheresometime

BBH123 wrote: »

Yes I think you may be right.


He sent me a message on Friday, no greeting, no how are you, no news just a picture of a fancy watch with a fancy price tag and a 'I'm shopping'

I think I'd be tempted to send him a photo back showing my £9.99 watch saying yeap shows the same time as mine.

elsien

Don't suppose you've told him how you feel? Who knows, maybe he's finding you boring and a bit of an effort and he's hanging on in there for the same reasons.
Genuine friends, you can tell them when they're !!!!ing you off and they'll listen. They may not agree but they'll still hear you out.

Primrose

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

I think I'd be tempted to send him a photo back showing my £9.99 watch saying yeap shows the same time as mine.

Loved this :rotfl:. I,d be temped to respond adding to that by saying " seems we live in different worlds now with different perspectives. Do you think it's time to call it a day with no hard feelings ?

[Deleted User]

I did wonder that tbh but he is the one messaging me for dates whereas I only respond I don't message asking to meet up.

gettingtheresometime

BBH123 wrote: »

I did wonder that tbh but he is the one messaging me for dates whereas I only respond I don't message asking to meet up.

Well you could respond by saying are we meeting up for a chat or a bragging session?


His response will tell you all you need to know

NeilCr

I think you are just going to have to be straight with him and say that you think the friendship has run it's natural course.

Making excuses may be difficult because, as you see him twice a year, he has plenty of other dates to offer you. I had a problem like that at work once. Worked with the most boring (but, perfectly nice) person in the world. When I moved to another section he asked if we could meet up for lunch, every now and then. Unwisely I said yes. I ran out of excuses somewhere around the tenth date he suggested!

I am a bit of a softie around things like this. Given it's only every six months I'd probably just grit my teeth and go. I'd be pretty sarcastic in my responses to his texts, though!