Possible affair

ItsNotRightButItsOK

Long term user, but I wanted a new username for privacy.

Basically, I have been with my wife for 14 years and we split up about 6 months ago. We are currently living in the same house whilst it is on the market, then we will get the official divorce once the 2 years is up (no fault with consent). It was my wifes idea to get divorced.

Now my soon to be ex wife's sister (My sister in law) has always been attractive to me and we get on really well. Recently we have been going out together (just me and her) and we really have fun together (we always have to be fair). I put it down to being really good friends and she reassured me that once my wife and I's house is sold we will keep in touch as I'll always be her brother.


However. Last weekend, me, my soon to be ex wife and her sister were all out together and whilst my wife was in the toilet, her sister hinted to me that she wanted an affair with me! There is no way on earth to read it any other way and she even suggested going away for a night just me and her and staying over somewhere.

I'll be honest in that I am incredibly lonely at the moment and there is defo no future for my wife and I (we have split up in all but name), but now can't get her out of my head. I have always found her attractive and if I never met her sister, yes I would fancy her and try it on with her. We get on so well together too. Her and her husband have been having issues for years and I think that we get on better together than we do with our partners.

Now being the intelligent person I am, I know that an affair is never a good idea. WHEN we get found out, the devastation it would cause to her family would be horrific. I will always be seen as the bad person and it would cause untold damage. However, I have never done anything so risky before and the naughty kid in me wants to have an affair simply for the thrill of it and to live a little whilst I still can.

I do know that the affair is not the answer, but I simply can't get her out of my head now. I never thought of her as more than a friend, but I now can't stop thinking of her as more than a friend.

So can you please give me advise as to:

(a) How i could justify to myself that the affair is ok (so at least I can believe that its ok) or
(b) How I can get these thoughts out of my head.

We are all meeting up on the weekend for a family do and I know she will be there. I am so nervous to be around her and I really wish I know what I wanted to do. I guess I just wish i met her before I met my wife.

hazyjo

Wanting a relationship with someone and just wanting sex with someone are two very different things.


It sounds like you're thinking with your 'bits' rather than your head.


Go have a relationship and sex with someone else and the curiosity will prob go away.


If she wasn't married, I'd just say crack on. Life's too short. But if you want to be part of your ex's family still, sleeping with her married sister ain't the right way to go about it. People will soon seen the signs.

BrassicWoman

It is not right
AND
it is also not ok

Please update your user name

Seriously, you know the answer to this one. Stop seeing her, move to another town so you don't need to see either of them, and take care of your own needs.

However I expect we'll see you after the weekend when you have a bit too much too drink and "accidentally" fall into bed.

I wonder if any regulars are willing to take a bet against that happening?

Pollycat

ItsNotRightButItsOK wrote: »

Long term user, but I wanted a new username for privacy.

Basically, I have been with my wife for 14 years and we split up about 6 months ago. We are currently living in the same house whilst it is on the market, then we will get the official divorce once the 2 years is up (no fault with consent). It was my wifes idea to get divorced.

Now my soon to be ex wife's sister (My sister in law) has always been attractive to me and we get on really well. Recently we have been going out together (just me and her) and we really have fun together (we always have to be fair). I put it down to being really good friends and she reassured me that once my wife and I's house is sold we will keep in touch as I'll always be her brother.


However. Last weekend, me, my soon to be ex wife and her sister were all out together and whilst my wife was in the toilet, her sister hinted to me that she wanted an affair with me! There is no way on earth to read it any other way and she even suggested going away for a night just me and her and staying over somewhere.

I'll be honest in that I am incredibly lonely at the moment and there is defo no future for my wife and I (we have split up in all but name), but now can't get her out of my head. I have always found her attractive and if I never met her sister, yes I would fancy her and try it on with her. We get on so well together too. Her and her husband have been having issues for years and I think that we get on better together than we do with our partners.

Now being the intelligent person I am, I know that an affair is never a good idea. WHEN we get found out, the devastation it would cause to her family would be horrific. I will always be seen as the bad person and it would cause untold damage. However, I have never done anything so risky before and the naughty kid in me wants to have an affair simply for the thrill of it and to live a little whilst I still can.

I do know that the affair is not the answer, but I simply can't get her out of my head now. I never thought of her as more than a friend, but I now can't stop thinking of her as more than a friend.

So can you please give me advise as to:

(a) How i could justify to myself that the affair is ok (so at least I can believe that its ok) or
(b) How I can get these thoughts out of my head.

We are all meeting up on the weekend for a family do and I know she will be there. I am so nervous to be around her and I really wish I know what I wanted to do. I guess I just wish i met her before I met my wife.

The bit in bold:
then they need to address those issues, either work through them or decide that their marriage is over.

Only if they split up should you consider a relationship with your wife's sister.
And it's more than possible that your ex-wife would find the behaviour of her ex husband and her sister abhorrent.

I know if I split up with my husband and he got together with my sister, I'd feel incredibly betrayed, mainly by my sister.
But I'm pretty sure that my sister wouldn't be so crass as to do that.

If you really are the intelligent person you say you are, then you would know what you are considering is wrong and potentially damaging - more probably devastating - to the whole family.

If you decide to carry on, let us know when you'll be appearing on Jeremy Kyle.

ItsNotRightButItsOK

Pollycat wrote: »

The bit in bold:
then they need to address those issues, either work through them or decide that their marriage is over.

Only if they split up should you consider a relationship with your wife's sister.
And it's more than possible that your ex-wife would find the behaviour of her ex husband and her sister abhorrent.

I know if I split up with my husband and he got together with my sister, I'd feel incredibly betrayed, mainly by my sister.
But I'm pretty sure that my sister wouldn't be so crass as to do that.

If you really are the intelligent person you say you are, then you would know what you are considering is wrong and potentially damaging - more probably devastating - to the whole family.

If you decide to carry on, let us know when you'll be appearing on Jeremy Kyle.

Thank you for the most honest answer.

I know what I am thinking about is wrong. I really do.

So I guess it is just (b) that I need an answer too - how on earth do I get these feelings out of my head? Even though I know it is wrong I can't stop thinking about her and its driving me mad!!

TBagpuss

OK, this would definitely not end well.

You've recently ended a relationship, so you're on the rebound. Give yourself more time.
You and she are both currently married. Wait until you are both divorced, and if at that point, you both feel the same way, then consider it.

This would be incredibly painful for your wife, she'd likely feel betrayed by both you and her sister, and with some justification.

You are an adult. Avct like it. Take the responsible route and put a stop to this right now.

Tell her that you like her, but she is married and you won't get involved with anyone else's marriage, and also that you are not yet divorced and feel that a relationship with her as your wife's sister would cause a lot of trouble and isn't appropriate.

Then avoid spending any time alone with her.

Pollycat

TBagpuss wrote: »

Tell her that you like her, but she is married and you won't get involved with anyone else's marriage, and also that you are not yet divorced and feel that a relationship with her as your wife's sister would cause a lot of trouble and isn't appropriate.

Then avoid spending any time alone with her.

I think the bit about not spending time with her is very good advice.

ItsNotRightButItsOK wrote: »

We are all meeting up on the weekend for a family do and I know she will be there. I am so nervous to be around her and I really wish I know what I wanted to do. I guess I just wish i met her before I met my wife.

So, thinking about that good advice...I'd find an excuse to avoid the family do.
You might find that possibly after a few drinks, you might not be able to say 'no'.

How embarrassing for your ex-wife and her sister's husband to discover both of you in a clinch at a family do. :eek:
Bad idea.

Fireflyaway

If she were single it's still a bit weird but she is married. You don't truly know the state of her marriage. People looking for a bit of fun are bound to make it sound bad to justify their behaviour. Go on a dating app instead.

motorguy

ItsNotRightButItsOK wrote: »

Thank you for the most honest answer.

I know what I am thinking about is wrong. I really do.

So I guess it is just (b) that I need an answer too - how on earth do I get these feelings out of my head? Even though I know it is wrong I can't stop thinking about her and its driving me mad!!

It WILL end badly.

This is the train you will be on and it will get out of control very quickly.



How do you stop the feelings? Dont see her, dont have contact with her, dont message or text her. Unfriend her on social media.

Wasnt it Robin Williams that said that God gave men only enough blood to supply the penis or the brain but not both at the same time? You're letting your penis do the thinking. Bad idea.

pollypenny

Since you say you are a long term user, I will take the post at face value.
Otherwise, I would be thinking school holiday troll.

You know your scenario is one set for disaster!

marliepanda

ItsNotRightButItsOK wrote: »

Now my soon to be ex wife's sister (My sister in law) has always been attractive to me and we get on really well. Recently we have been going out together (just me and her) and we really have fun together (we always have to be fair). I put it down to being really good friends and she reassured me that once my wife and I's house is sold we will keep in touch as I'll always be her brother.


However. Last weekend, me, my soon to be ex wife and her sister were all out together and whilst my wife was in the toilet, her sister hinted to me that she wanted an affair with me! There is no way on earth to read it any other way and she even suggested going away for a night just me and her and staying over somewhere.

Grim.

Just don't.