Living costs - couples

kr15snw

This varies depending on how long youve been together etc etc.

I live with my boyfriend but being a student only earn about £3 - 4 k a year, which I need to cover car exspenses, phone bill, food etc etc etc.

But he worked out that the gas, electric and everything else hasnt got any more exspensive with me moving in (has a mortgage). The only thing that has changed is the food bill. So to make this fair, I buy the weekly food shop. Obviously he still picks up a few things in the week but I buy the main one. This costs me about £30 a week and we think this is fair.

We have spoke about when Im working and if we are on the same sort of wage we will both pay a certain amount into a joint account to pay all the bills and everything. We have both said we would like to have a small amount of our own money so that we can buy presents etc.

But we have also spoken of having our wages go into the joint account and we have a standing order that pays (as an example) £100 into our own accounts. So we have our own cash to spend on things.

For the OP, you need to work out whether you want to go 50 / 50. If so then you will have to get somewhere only you can afford. If hes willing to subsidise you then you can get a nicer place!

dearbarbie

We've had the chat already ages ago and he believes it's 50/50 all the way, until we have kids and one of us won't work, then things maybe will be shared a little more. I was just curious to hear how others do it. I know that if I was the higher earner, I would do it as a fraction as I'd not like to see my OH paying more % of income for the rent and having less money to enjoy themselves with/pay off student debt with.

Spirit_2

Mr Spirit and I have always had joint accounts. It is all 'ours'. Until 5 years ago Mr Spirit earned a twice as much as I did, since that time I have earned more and currently earn more than double his earnings. I also have a much better pension provision than he does, but regard it as 'ours'. All of our debts (regardless of who's name is on the card) we perceive as joint.

If I were starting over (25 years later) I would do the same again. Our changes in relative earnings show that life has ups and downs. Our financial commitment is not grounded in protecting our individual interests but on a belief we are building and enjoying life together. It works for us as I could not envisage ever saying we are 100% together in this life , except this bit where we are 60:40!

It is plain from reading this thread that in some relationships individual contributions work for them - the extent to which they are proportionate either a % or 50:50 will depend on the lifestyle you both want to share and a negotiated agreement. You will need to set how it will work for major purchases , for example: will he buy the washing machine and you buy the sofa?

best of luck
Spirit

Silverstar

I think it can be a complicated situation when one partner earns more than the other. My parents (both sets) have always had joint money, so I always assumed that that was the way to do it. My boyfriend's parents, however, have always had totally separate finances, and that's the way he thinks is the correct way to do things. Financially, we're extremely unequal - he runs his own business, and I worked out one year that he earned seven times my salary that year. We've been together five years, and living together for about three and a half, and we've kind of fallen into a situation which mostly suits us at the moment, although if we decided to have kids or whatever in the future, I'd hope it'd change somewhat.

Basically, we live together in a gorgeous house which he owns. He pays the mortgage, and all the bills, and I pay rent every month to him. This rent is a fairly small amount - it's not even close to half the mortgage, let alone mortgage and bills. I then buy all the food, except for weekends when he decides he wants to go to M&S and spent a fortune on food there. I am therefore able to throw quite a chunk of money every month at my debts, which he really wants to see me get rid of. If we go on holiday, he usually wants to stay in expensive hotels, so he pays for both of us, usually (I've often said I'm happy to go camping in Wales, because I can afford that, but he couldn't stand that). Once my debts are paid off, I'd like to raise the amount of rent I pay, although he's commented that he'd prefer I put that money into savings instead.

Mostly it works. I sometimes feel that paying such a tiny proportion of everything means that I have very little say in anything, which can be frustrating, and we do argue over money sometimes, but I don't really know how to get around that when, as I said, our earnings are so disparate.

squashy

We just have a joint account which all our money goes into. I then withdraw the cash that I think I'll need for that month for odds and ends (I used to use the debit card but find it easier to keep tabs on what i am spending if it is in my hand!!). DH does similar, plus we put money away into little e-savings account for things like christmas/holidays. The supermarket shopping is paid for on the debit card.

Towards the end of the month if the account is looking healthy we will usually decide between us to maybe pay a little extra off our mortgage or credit card balance.

I have never thought about the proportion of who pays what- not forgetting some of our income is made up of tax credits too so not sure who that would belong to! As far as I'm concerned our money is shared.

dorry_2

:wave:

We have always had a joint account, this has worked well for 14 years:D

My husband does earn just a bit than me, but he has two jobs, I don't think that even if one earns more than the other, that the money should be managed seperately, as this would always lead to problems. What if you got pregnant and had to take time of work?? you would be left with no money.

when hubby first said we should open a joint account, I was very dubious and then I thought great I will have loads of money, but then because the money is shared, the money becomes ours and I never take advantage of that, as it would be like recklessly spending your own money?? Once the money is ours, both partners tend to and should respect it.

I could not imagine having seperate money,it would only complicate money , matters and cause alot of problems in the relationships, after all it is a partnership, both to share emotionally and financially

Running_Horse

I pay bills and mortgage, she pays for food, baby stuff, and the car. When it became apparent I had more left at the end of the month, I started doing a £100 online Tesco shop every month to balance things out.

Whatever way you split things, the most important thing is to communicate, so one does not end up paying over the odds.

miss_phish

Hi dearbarbie, have been looking at the laws of living together myself recently and thought you may like to read this http://maggiewang.com/2006/03/15/2006-c1d35-suze-ormans-equal-share-method-for-merging-finances/

Makes a lot of sense in my book!

Skippycat

My boyfriend and I have a joint bank account. Each month after we've been paid we both transfer the same amount each from our own accounts into the joint account. The joint account covers mortgage, food, all bills, xmas gifts etc. If we go out we take it in turns buying drinks etc. It works well but we are both on more or less the same wage so we both expect to split everything 50/50.

Sola

I earn a few grand more than my husband but we treat all income and expenditure as joint including his child maintenance. I operate all the household expenses from my account, he handles all the car stuff from his, and he transfers a fixed amount to me on the 1st of the month, so we're both left with the same spending money. I can't be doing with this 'my money/your money thing' - if you're living together and sharing a life together and trust each other, I can't imagine why anyone would want it any other way.