Living costs - couples

dearbarbie

I'm curious as to how people generally split their living costs.

I earn £20k/year and am trying to clear post-Uni debts and get some savings together. I'm 25. My boyfriend, a few years older, earns in excess of £40k/year and we're looking at moving in together. He pays various outgoings, overpays on his student loan, and invests.

Now, coming to the subject of rent. We're living together in his houseshare in pricey London and are moving into our own place in January. If we go somewhere he can afford, I'll be skint. If we go somewhere I can afford, he'll be below his means and saving a fortune.

I just want to know how others play it? I think that he should pay a bit more rent relative to his earnings but he feels we should split everything down the middle. Thanks, and looking forward to your perspectives.

pukkamum

I would say that you both put in the same percentage of your earnings into a seperate account to pay rent bills food etc and keep the excess seperate this way you are both paying what you can afford but you as the lesser earner aren't going to be left with no money. Having said that i truly believethat once you become a couple and you live together there should be no such thing as your money and his money it should be shared equally x

benb76

you should go somewhere you can both afford, why should he subsidise you?

mrs_metal

I earn near enough double what my husband earns, I agree with the previous poster that once you are a couple it's all both your money not mine and his.

We used Martin budget spreadsheet to work out the joint costs like mortgage, gas, phone etc and then worked out how much each would pay into the joint bills account so we'd both have about the same amount left each to do with as we please.

It works for us at the moment but every couple is different

pukkamum

benb76 wrote: »

you should go somewhere you can both afford, why should he subsidise you?

How is it subsidising when he has made the decision to make a life with her surely in sharing your life with someone you must accept all that goes with it. Does that mean that because i live in a council house (as it is all i can afford) and i met a millionaire who wanted to live with me we should only live in a council house????

pinkshoes

My OH earns over £10k more than me, and we limited our mortgage and choice of property on what I could afford, and we split all bills, mortgage and food 50/50.

The only bit I object to splitting 50/50 is the food, because he eats WAY more than me, and my food bill is now so much higher than when I didn't live with him, but it's not worth arguing about so I'll leave it at that.

Rent a property where you can both afford the rent and bills 50/50. If he objects to living below his means, then tell him the max you're willing to spend on rent each month (i.e. £500), and if he's willing to pay the rest, then that's his decision. You should still split the bills 50/50 though, and maybe pitch in a bit more wiht the housework if he's paying more rent.

SSB

Hi
I agree with pukkamum, once you became a couple the amount of earnings should be irrelevant. I have always earned much less than my husband ( I have always worked part time) but he has never complained about having to pay a majority share of everything. It has never occured to us that there is 'his' and 'my' money.
Why does he feel that everything should be split down the middle? What about other outgoings such as holidays? He can afford St Lucia whilst you are looking into something much cheaper? If this relationship is a serious one, there is no reason why he should not pay more since his earnings are more substancial than yours.
Benb76, subsidise????? A loving relationship is about working together in order to achieve a best possible balance in everything, my husband has definately not subsidised me... sounds like a business transaction!

dearbarbie

On holiday we split everything - money for meals, sightseeing, etc. is put into a kitty, but we buy our own souvenirs. We go places I can afford although we have a wedding in NYC he will pay a bit towards. We went to Tunisia this year as a break after a really hard time - but yeah, always what I can afford. I'm not asking him to buy me clothes and the like - it's just stuff like rent, especially in London where we are, is expensive (I moved here to be with him!)

butterfly72

My OH earns double and more what I do. We also live in an expensive area of SW london. He pays for everything.. rent, bills, council tax... All I pay for is the food and the odd treat. I'm starting to feel bad now! We are happy with this arrangement although I get the odd comment that all my spare cash goes into savings and investments and I have nearly as much savings as him despite him earning loads more than me! I have to remind him that its for the collective goal of the house deposit and I pay less tax on my savings.. (in fact he should give all his savings too)!! I also point out to him that should things not work out I don't want to be left struggling on my own and point out that I have less earning potential than him. He doesn't like that and thinks I'm not commiting fully but its the reality and I want to protect myself.

Dearbarbie, I would go with what you can afford and if he wants a better/more expensive property he should foot the difference. Although you are in love and that.. .you stilll need to look after yourself and get some savings together.

Good luck. let us know what you decide

Badger_Lady

It totally depends on the couple - my grandparents have been married 52 years and still have seperate "money"!

When I was living with my ex (much older than me), I paid the majority of outgoings and, in theory, his lower income paid for luxuries to be shared between us (although I rarely saw it). Like a lot of people above, my view was that we were a partnership and that we shared everything regardless of who earns what.

It was only when my ex was moving out and had to add up his payslips for renting accommodation that I found out he'd been earning more than me all along!!!

benb76

pukkamum wrote: »

How is it subsidising when he has made the decision to make a life with her surely in sharing your life with someone you must accept all that goes with it. Does that mean that because i live in a council house (as it is all i can afford) and i met a millionaire who wanted to live with me we should only live in a council house????

These are just BF and GF, they aren't married, there are no kids and they have made no big commitment to each other, other than that they would like to move into a rented house together. He obviosly doesn't want to pay more than half and that is his perrogative, he may well have plans for the money he'd be saving. The OP comes across as if she thinks he should obliged to pay, just because he is fortunate enough to be earning more. If she was only working part time to bring up kids and act as homemaker, then that would be a different matter.

It's 2007, equality works both ways!