Living costs - couples

merlinormartin

my partner pays rent/utility bills/council tax/any other bills, i pay for day to day living expenses. Although he earns more than 5x my income because im still a "lazy !!!! student"

dearbarbie

Thanks for all your informative replies. We are living together at the moment as I moved from another city and it was easier to stay with him until he can get out of his contract - at the moment I'm paying £80 to each housemate and £120 to my bf per month - so £280/month, and putting the rest (my housing/bills budget is £550-600/month max) into paying off my overdraft. In Jan we will move in to our first flat together - seperate bank accounts but a house account for rent and bills. At the moment we share the costs of food from supermarket to taking it in turns to pay for eating out.

3plus1

Personally, I think that if one partner is earning a lot more than the other, that person should contribute more to the cost of the relationship.

So, your boyfriend thinks that you should split bills 50:50. That's another way of thinking, not necessarily wrong. But if the situation was reversed - if he lost his job and couldn't get another one on the same sort of salary level, and you were the higher earner - would he be happy to split bills 50:50 then?

It's worth him mulling over that, anyway.

brazilianwax

tsstss7 wrote: »

However I do think the other methods can work just as well while you remain childless just so long as it reflects the budget of the less well off of the two of you!!!

what's that got to do with anything?

miserly_mum

pukkamum wrote: »

How is it subsidising when he has made the decision to make a life with her surely in sharing your life with someone you must accept all that goes with it. Does that mean that because i live in a council house (as it is all i can afford) and i met a millionaire who wanted to live with me we should only live in a council house????

Could not agree more Pukkamum

Surely they should pool their joint incomes into the "pot" and pay out all bills from that and enjoy whats left.....together,

In a good relationship there should be no his or hers ....it should be OURS

littlemissmoney

butterfly72 wrote: »

My OH earns double and more what I do. We also live in an expensive area of SW london. He pays for everything.. rent, bills, council tax... All I pay for is the food and the odd treat. I'm starting to feel bad now! We are happy with this arrangement although I get the odd comment that all my spare cash goes into savings and investments and I have nearly as much savings as him despite him earning loads more than me! I have to remind him that its for the collective goal of the house deposit and I pay less tax on my savings.. (in fact he should give all his savings too)!! I also point out to him that should things not work out I don't want to be left struggling on my own and point out that I have less earning potential than him. He doesn't like that and thinks I'm not commiting fully but its the reality and I want to protect myself.

I'm totally shocked by this post :eek: So lets get this straight... your OH pays for everything and you save your money incase you break up? :eek: Nice. I feel sorry for your OH.

MattB_4

Im not living with my girlfriend yet, but hopefully soon. Our intention is to split the bills as a proportion of our income. I.e. If we earn £999 between us, with me earning 2/3 of that i would pay 2/3 of the bills. I'm likely to still have more disposable cash so it doesn't feel unfair. I'd hate to see her stuggling.

BabyElephant

We split everything 50/50 but then we've always been in the fortunate situation of earning roughly the same salary. We still have separate bank accounts but are both named on the mortgage/deeds. If my OH lost his job I would pay for everything, same as he did for me when I was out of work. But when we're working we split everything down the middle.

I think you have to talk it through and find out what works for you both - clearly what is right for me and my OH isn't necessarily going to be right for you. So while we can tell you "how it is for us" we can't tell you "how it should be for you" - you need to work that out between you.

Meanymoo

benb76 wrote: »

These are just BF and GF, they aren't married, there are no kids and they have made no big commitment to each other, other than that they would like to move into a rented house together.

But the decision for a couple to move in together IS a commitment to each other, and has more implications than may people realise. By sharing a house with your boyfriend / girlfriend, you are officially cohabiting, and therefore while you may regard your finances as separate and none of each other's business, there are situations where your finances will be treated as joint. I'm thinking of things such as council tax benefit, or if you are a student, hardship funds. If the OP ever gets into financial difficulties she will not be able to apply for funds such as these without declaring her OH's earnings and savings BECAUSE THEY ARE COHABITING. So unless her OH is willing to help her out she could be in a tricky situation. I know it's unlikely that she'll be in that position, but you do have to think about the 'what ifs'. Like it or not, in our society there is a distinction between two friends sharing a house and a couple sharing a house, whether or not they have chosen to marry.

belfastgirl23

em, I think you're asking in the wrong place about this. That is to say I think you need to talk to your bf about it. At the end of the day it's his call. I'd say try to put aside the fact you're in a relationship with him and sit down and suggest that you need to talk about how things will be when you move house. Have all the facts and figures available and say it depends on how he wants to run finances between you. You've realised that some couples split bills according to proportion of income whilst others go halves. If you split by proportion of income then we can look for places to live in xx. If it's halves then we're looking in yy. Be clear that you aren't pushing him, you just want to know so that you both know what options are. You don't know what experiences he has had before or indeed if he has other financial commitments you aren't aware of.

It is a really hard conversation to have but you'll be glad to have it done. Try to seperate it from other aspects of your relationship in your mind too, in fact try to think about it as if he is a flatmate. Make it clear to him you don't expect anything from him too.

Personally I feel it isn't fair to assume a proportional payment of bills amongst couples, it's something that needs negotiated.