Living costs - couples

paddy's_mum

An earlier responder was quite right 'equality works both ways'. Since that is the case, dearbarbie should commit only to the level of rent she can herself afford, allowing for living costs and bills to be equally shared. If that means that the other half has to 'lower' his sights or drop his standard of living, then isn't that too part of 'commitment'?

Of course, the boyfriend may decide that he will not accept a lower standard of living. Then the choice is his - pay the difference or ditch the relationship. Either way, dearbarbie will not be going into huge debt or will know exactly where she stands and what his priorities truly are. Equality also means she has the right not to get bogged down in debt in order to be or do what the boyfriend wishes.

For what it's worth, my husband and I have three accounts. His, hers and theirs. I keep some money of my own, he does the same but household expenditure comes out of the theirs, to which we both contribute. He pays the major part of the upkeep of the property since my name is not on the deeds (a long and boring story but involving his wish to leave something substantial to his son). I'm with Badger Lady - each couple work out for themselves what suits and works for them but having been well and truly conned by a previous partner, my own money stays firmly under my control.

benb76

paddy's_mum wrote: »

An earlier responder was quite right 'equality works both ways'. Since that is the case, dearbarbie should commit only to the level of rent she can herself afford, allowing for living costs and bills to be equally shared. If that means that the other half has to 'lower' his sights or drop his standard of living, then isn't that too part of 'commitment'?

Of course, the boyfriend may decide that he will not accept a lower standard of living. Then the choice is his - pay the difference or ditch the relationship.

...is the correct answer (IMO). My cynisism in previous posts is due to having been made a mug of financially in a previous relationship.

annavall

I earn more than my boyfriend, but from we moved in together in rented accommodation until we bought our first house earlier this year we have paid the same in rent/mortgage and bills (nearly...). We have a joint account we have bills and mortgage coming out of, which we both transfer money to each month. As I get paid out double of what he gets every month I think it's only fair that I pay a bit more towards things, so I pay the council tax every month. When I graduated from uni and had a couple of months without earning much he did the same for me. As for food - I probably buy more than him every month, but I know that if we go shopping together he will usually contribute around half of what we get.

dearbarbie you might find that you will save money by moving in together instead of spending on two seperate houses (you probably already spend most of your time together anyway!). I agree with paddy's mum, he will understand there is only so much you can afford, and either move somewhere accordinly or be prepared to pay more.

svmitche

My fella earns more than me, but we live in a property that we can both afford. The only thing we don't split equally is food. we have a separate joint account into which we both pay the same amount and we pay bills and rent etc from that. As i said though, we agreed that we would split everything equally and then on top of that he would buy the main shopping, while I would do the top ups as we needed them and it's worked well for us so far!!

MKwife

My husband and myself have our wages all put into one account, then leave enough to cover all the bills, mortgage, etc Then transfer the rest of the money in the other account and live off it. In fact since the day we met we have always shared our money even before we bought a house.

Dan_Thunder

As other posters have pointed out you should just say "X is the amount I can afford to pay out per month so either you pay more or we only look towards place in my budget."

Frankly though, if he's earning more then he should really pay more. As someone previously mentioned, the best bet is for you both to pay a certain percentage of your income into a joint account for bills/utilities etc. If he thinks that everything should be split 50/50 despite his wage being about double yours then he's either deluded or selfish.

tsstss7

dearbarbie wrote: »

I'm curious as to how people generally split their living costs.

I earn £20k/year and am trying to clear post-Uni debts and get some savings together. I'm 25. My boyfriend, a few years older, earns in excess of £40k/year and we're looking at moving in together. He pays various outgoings, overpays on his student loan, and invests.

Now, coming to the subject of rent. We're living together in his houseshare in pricey London and are moving into our own place in January. If we go somewhere he can afford, I'll be skint. If we go somewhere I can afford, he'll be below his means and saving a fortune.

I just want to know how others play it? I think that he should pay a bit more rent relative to his earnings but he feels we should split everything down the middle. Thanks, and looking forward to your perspectives.

Paddys mum is right !If your BF wants to go halves then you must rent where you can afford....if the relationship doesn't work out you will need to be able to have saved in the meantime and stretching your finances wont allow that. The alternative is that you are always the "poor" one in the relationship and will see him able to spend as he wishes while you are always counting the pennies - you will be bound to resent that in the end!

If he must live to his means and expects you to be financially disadvantaged to keep up then he is not much of a BF and You would be better off not moving in with him at all!!!

If you must have seperate finances I personally favour the proportional budget ie you work out what you need to cover household expences and each give half of your monthly income (or less or more depending on amount needed) to cover this (held in a joint bank account or in one of your names - it doesn't matter as it should never be used as more than a paying bills account) - my reasons being that shoud the dynamics of your relationship change it can still work (eg if your incomes change etc).

However I do think the other methods can work just as well while you remain childless just so long as it reflects the budget of the less well off of the two of you!!!

snowmaid

benb76 wrote: »

...is the correct answer (IMO). My cynisism in previous posts is due to having been made a mug of financially in a previous relationship.

Thanks for your honesty. Its not nice being taken for a fool. As another woman poster here said, she only found out after their divorce that her husband was in fact earning more than her!

snowmaid

MKwife wrote: »

My husband and myself have our wages all put into one account, then leave enough to cover all the bills, mortgage, etc Then transfer the rest of the money in the other account and live off it. In fact since the day we met we have always shared our money even before we bought a house.

Hubby and I have always pooled our money. Even when we were just going steady and living together. At one stage when he was studying I was earning more than him, now he earns more than me. It doesn't matter. We are a couple and everything is shared. (Except the remote during a rugby match!!) :rolleyes:

lolarentt

For day-to-day living (rent/mortgage/council tax/gas/electricity/food/water/phone) then we split roughly in proportion to net income each. Not exact but one takes resposibility for some of the fixed costs and the other for the others, roughly in the net earnings ratio. Beyond that luxurys, holidays, dining out etc we take it as it comes - holidays we split in some way, lesser items we may split or one may decide to treat the other - you don't want everything cut and dried do you! What happens to the rest is entirely up to each of us as individuals.