taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

fantasyvsreality

@efes_shareholder possibly it is the menopause causing the low spells. I am 2 years post menopause now but the bit before my periods stopped I had some really bad days where I felt horribly low. I tried HRT too but didn't get on with it. Be kind to yourself, the menopause is hard work. For me it was a case of giving myself permission to have off days and that I just needed to ride it out. I would remind myself that tomorrow would feel better and if not tomorrow then at some point it would pass. 

efes_shareholder

wow its been a fair few weeks since I've posted. 

Life has been so busy 

its my daughters wedding this month and im slightly overwhelmed with all the prep even though I only really need to make sure I am suitably dressed , Ive had months but seem to have left the final touches to the last minute in the hope that I would by some miracle manage to lose some weight !!

My dad is coming to stay for the ceremony so Im also having to prepare for that , Im having a cleaner in as I dont see when I will have time to do those jobs and just dont seem to be getting much me time 

This weekend Ive painted the hallway and had NM son arrive with his two sons and basically stay which really wasnt expected and not ideal when the oven needs cleaning and so does the fridge so I just got on with it.

Money seems to be being spent ALOT £550 for car insurance £260 for new glasses , handbags , shoes , its all adding up.
I did have £500 on the bonds last month and £275 this so that has really helped out but I would like to put that money aside and not use it for generally living.

NM and I continue to recover and move on from his major let down - lots of soul searching has gone in to this but I feel what we have is worth trying to salvage and he is certainly doing his upmost to get us back on track 
I do hope he doesn't disapoint me again - Im worn out and need a break

fantasyvsreality

How you doing @efes_shareholder miss reading your diary, it was one of my favourites because I could relate to so much of what you wrote. Hope life is treating you well. 

Humdinger1

Yes, ditto! Hoping all's well @efes_shareholder love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

Humdinger1 said:

Yes, ditto! Hoping all's well @efes_shareholder love Humdinger xx 

fantasyvsreality said:

How you doing @efes_shareholder miss reading your diary, it was one of my favourites because I could relate to so much of what you wrote. Hope life is treating you well. 

wow what a very long time since my last post - not quite sure where to start , I shall try not to drone on.


Finances , surprisingly calm - I finally seem to be able to manage my money , probably because of this board if I'm honest and realising that life doesn't have to be spent in debt. I do have my 0% card which I used for my house purchases but I dont add anything to this and in around 4 months it should be clear. I also have enough bond win money to pay it off whenever I want but whilst its on 0% I shall continue to save my wins and pay down the card and maybe at some point we shall meet in the middle. I'm very much focused on navigating the cost of living crisis - I take advantage of both morrisons and sainsburys first order discounts pretty much every week which takes a quarter of my bill and we eat very well for around £45 for both of us , I've become very against processed foods and have switched amongst over things to sour dough bread ,butter instead of spread and wild rice all of which off course are more expensive but hopefully long term more benefical to me, 
I have two more Ctax payments to go which I will pay end of this month and then thats it until April 
first winter energy bill is £100 which I can cope with however I expect this to increase as the cold weather sets in. 

On a personal level things are as ever a rollercoaster. My health anxiety remains although slightly less then previous , my digestive issues remain , rightly or wrongly I've just begun to accept them and even wonder if the menopause is playing its part with them. I've managed to get on a waiting list to be investigated for a genetic link to pancreatic cancer and although slow moving its reassurring to have a professional agree that our family history is worthy of investigation.
NM and I continue to roll through lifes twists and turns. Our relationship has changed , it will never be what it was and I find myself much less tolerant of any short comings but you know what I don't apologise for that , everything has consequences and a knock on affect. We are however back on board , I don't think perfection is out there and sometimes we have to just deal with dissapointment , I don't like it and I didnt ask for it however I would rather work through things then give up on all the good things about us , thats my choice , Amongst the turmoil there is love and support and a now beautifully blended family , all things worthy of the work it takes.
All of our children met in the summer , it was a lovely day for both of us.
My daughter got married , a perfect day and now her dads nutty ex is no more we were able to share the day properly. He spent time chatting to NM and everything is now great between us all - perfect timing as I now have a new grandson expected next spring so it will be wonderful for him if he has happy and communicating grandparents.
I managed a cheeky week away in October , all within budget , very proud of the bargain I picked up and thats now it until next summer.
Work is chaotic - our department of four has faced some real challenges in our personal life this last few years , two of us have lost parents and nursed our mums through illness amongst over things and more recently one was diagnosed with the dreaded C , hopefully treated and cleared through surgery, the other has had another unexpected parental loss - this has meant I've got a huge amount of work traffic to deal with along with my manager - we are both pretty much exhausted but its just life and these circumstances can not always be planned for. As the next senior it tends to fall to me to pick up the gauntlett , I am more then capable but not helpful when called upon in one of our most busy periods in a very very long time.

lucielle

Good to hear from you. 

L

Humdinger1

Welcome back @efes_shareholder.  You are making a very good job of a difficult situation.   Love Humdinger xx 

efes_shareholder

life isn't easy by any stretch is it but hey ho , we keep moving 

I've been absolutely shattered for day .........probably because I was a dirty stop out , out drinking until all hours in london this weekend and havent fully recovered.....................the goods news is , it was pratically free

fantasyvsreality

Good to hear from you, was only wondering yesterday how you were doing and this morning I log on to see your news 

efes_shareholder

well I've just realised how incredibly long it is since I last posted.

I'm back more because I need to remain accountable for myself.

Currently in the situation of remortgaging , not because I want too really but more because I did a stop gap to get my foot through the door of the property and am currently on a interest free deal , i'm paying down a huge amount ( basically all of my inheritance) and my payments will increase but it will mean the debt decreases.
My mortgage for my 3 bed house will still be £250 less then what I would pay to rent a 1 bed flat.
I've also managed to hold on to a good amount of savings.

I still however seem to like to use credit instead of my own money , I think I use what is known as sensible credit where I have the money to repay at any moment but I am more likely to repay a finance deal then I am myself.
This was I can pay the debt down gradually but still manage to accrue a savings pot
in my head I know this is backward but its working , I do need to slip the habit though.

I currently have 
£1200 0% credit card ( expires in september)
£330 0% Very bill ( expires in December)
£225 Next bill ( mainly buying sale bits for my new grandson)

Since I last posted we have had xmas

Xmas day , Spent with all 12 of my family at my house including my kids dad ( who would have thought that would ever be possible)
Boxing day - spent with NM family although not sons partner , she was a no show which has resulted in her cutting the family off as she wasnt bought a present by some members as he was at my house all through december and it looked like they had split up !!!

I've also celebrated my landmark half century 50th b'day.
NM and my children organised a surprise party which lots of faces came too  , i would never have done this for myself so am grateful and I was very very spoilt , lots of vouchers , cash , alcohol , a city break , experience days , very humbling.

Today is the anniversary of the exposure of NM let down behaviour - I still struggle , its a battle , not sure if I will win it but no one is perfect and i feel we should continue to strive for harmony as we are better together.

This year is about getting the house how i want it to be , no big jobs like kitchens or bathrooms just basic decor and finishing touches.

I have two holidays this year , one is virtually free so its just spending money and the other is already paid for , just spends to find.

also my gifted city break later in the year but again just spends to find