Being called frugal is the best compliment

beanielou

Sorry to read that you potentially have to have surgery. 

Sorry to read about the separation. 

Having been through one I know how difficult it is. 

Hope work works itself out. 

Take care of yourself. 

Dorisd

Thank you @beanielou I took first step and spoke to my company’s Employee assistance programme. A very nice person listened and offered some practical advice.

They have recommended counselling, I will need to call back for an assessment when I have at least 30 minutes free to get the ball rolling. They have also said to speak to my boss, which I will do today.

I didn’t mention earlier that for DD big birthday we bought her a car and I used our savings. It went down to £1000 but I have put aside another £1000 for after my surgery as I will get SSP. I have also got over £500 for Xmas. So not all bad.

I guess when you are used to people relying on you all the time, you forget to look after yourself.
I have taken the first step today so that is something.

beanielou

Well done for taking the first step. 

Dorisd

Update on today, my dad has had a serious medical episode. I am even more sick with worry, will be going to see him tomorrow. 

I spoke to my boss about this but was in tears so didn’t really explain much about the other issues that are overwhelming me. They were understanding and I am not working tomorrow.
Dad is in hospital being looked after and having tests. 
Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

beanielou

So sorry to read this on top of everything else Doris. Take care of yourself too. 

Dorisd

I appreciate your comment thank you. 

The news is not good, he took turn for the worst on Thursday, he is not responding and we have been told there is nothing more that can be done.
I have been at the hospital everyday and fielding calls from relatives but it is exhausting.
I am devastated.
I am glad I got the chance to speak to him before he took this turn.

beanielou

So sorry to read this. 

Dorisd

It has been a terrible few weeks but finally there is some light.
Dad has been moved as he is stable and there is a chance of recovery, but what that looks like we do not know yet. There is a long road ahead.
Today should be the day DH and I meet to talk about our future and relationship. Not sure I have the mental space for that right now, he has not been there for me really during this time so now he can wait until I am ready.
Health wise yesterday was a bad day I was very tired and in quite a bit of pain. TGIF not sure I could go on much longer I started back to work part time and still making daily trips to the hospital and staying there for 4-5 hours I know I cannot keep that up especially as they have moved him further away.
I have received some news about surgery for my condition. I had gone down the private route as I couldn’t wait on nhs for much longer. I have got a date of beginning of November from the private consultation and yesterday the nhs offered 5 weeks from now. You wait all year for a date and two come at once! Still not sure what to do as it is a long recovery time, dad will still be in hospital but I could be ok by Christmas.
maybe the universe is trying to yell
me something, I can’t put everything on hold and I need to look after myself.
Just by writing this, I feel better and thinking about going with the earlier appointment. I had been thinking about work but, things are not great there and my bosses behaviour is becoming rude. I got myself into a state by letting myself be overwhelmed and overloaded with work when others were off I need to put myself first. I have holidays left and saved enough money to cover essentials like rent whilst I am off. We only get 1 week full sick pay and the rest is SSP I am glad I had started to prepare. 

Dorisd

Another week and dad is out of danger. DH and I are talking more, by text, but talking. He seems to be down and I can’t help but be worried for him.
I only this because yesterday morning I did not go to the hospital, instead I took clothes to recycling, took 3 parcels to shop and went to the shops. I actually cooked a dinner something I have not don’t for nearly 2 weeks.
My op is confirmed and DH will be with me. I am glad for this even if he has not come home yet.
I am also back to work, it is quite good to do something other than visit the hospital and it is keeping my mind busy. But I feel quite calm, and thinking clearly I have not had an attack of anxiety for a few days.
DH and I were supposed to talk but his MH is not so good and I’m sure what has happened to my dad is bringing up grief he feels when he lost his dad. Not sure he ever really dealt with it. I want to help him and be there for him, even with everything happening.
In money news I have some cash back confirmed so need to add this to my savings for post op living. I have enough saved right now to pay rent and council tax and could probably cover food and electricity. I paid the rest of the water bill a couple of months ago. Also due a refund for a service not delivered but not sure how much it will be or when it will be credited.
I have started listening to mindfulness podcast and it is really helping.

Dorisd

I am now 2 weeks post op and doing quite well. It was a major surgery and I was kept in for a couple of nights. So glad I wen private, I cannot fault the staff, treatment or food. It was more like a hotel stay, except with a morphine drip! I am managing the pain but have been signed off work for a month to recover. I am really taking time to rest and not worrying about work at all. DH has been helping to care for me but we have not addressed the elephant in the room. I was told that I would be tearful and emotional post op, but there were days when I couldn’t stop crying. I don’t want to feel like that anymore and not sure DH wants to try to fix things despite what he has said. I am now considering divorce.

Dad is stable but he has suffered life changing damage that will require a lot of care. Turns out his wife does not really know much about his financial situation as they have separate accounts. Hopefully I will be well enough to see her and try to sort his finances next week. We had talked of a POA a few months ago but nothing came of it. I would have been helpful in this circumstance. Luckily I have been able to guess his Pin and passwords for banking apps which has helped. But It has focused me to get thinking about what I need to have in place for DD is something happens to me. I do have a ‘Stuff you need to know if I d!e’ book with my wishes and accounts, logins and passwords. The only things left would be to draw up a will and get a POA. 

I feel calmer, more clear headed and getting plenty of rest. I have joined a face ache group to make friends and get myself out there and feeling more positive about life despite everything that is happening.