30th birthday dinner, who should pay?

svain

sod that .... Ide pay for my partners birthday meal happily but ide pull out altogether unless it was agreed everyone else paid their way. I would never be pressured into paying.

rach_k

If invitations are sent out, the host should pay. You can only ask people to pay for themselves if it's more like, "Oh it's so-and-so's birthday soon, shall we get together for dinner?" rather than a host making all of the decisions.

It seems like the issue here is who is hosting - you or your partner. If she arranged it all, I'd say it's her, but then it's a bit sad to arrange your own birthday party! It's a big oversight not to have sorted it out sooner, so I think £400 each is probably a decent compromise. In future you'll know to ask earlier (or invite just her mum and dad instead of everybody!). On the night, you may find people offer to chip in anyway - it's up to you how strongly you protest. "Oh you don't have to do that... oh well if you're sure" is easy enough if you want to accept.

pearl123

Wow.. £800.00 on a birthday meal/party! If someone had reached the age of 100 I could perhaps understand spending such an excessive amount.

TBagpuss

I agree, I don't think you can ask people at this late stage to chip in. As between you and your partner, it is up to you how you sort it out.

sheramber

shandi59 wrote: »

We've been together 18 months. It's not the first family gathering with that side of the family, I have previously attended a Christmas dinner where the cost of food and drinks was contributed to by everyone.

I'm not the host, the organisation of the dinner has been taken care of by my partner, as it is her birthday,her family and friends, most I've only met once or twice before.

How was it decided to go to Berlin and have a big dinner?

Whose idea was it?

Detroit

svain wrote: »

sod that .... Ide pay for my partners birthday meal happily but ide pull out altogether unless it was agreed everyone else paid their way. I would never be pressured into paying.

I have to say, I agree with this.

If you can't afford it, or even if you can but will resent it, I would cancel and arrange a more affordable birthday treat for your partner.

No one should give any gift or hospitality because they feel pressured. It completely defeats the point.

Fireflyaway

If everyone thought you are paying I think it's a bit rude to ask for money now. Hope they don't all order lobster!

19lottie82

If there will be 20 of you attending, it might be worth contacting the restaurant and asking if they can put on a fixed price / set menu for you?

This could keep costs down and avoid any nasty surprises when the bill comes out.

ska_lover

OP it is my opinion that you have been royally shafted on this one.

It is totally the opposite of my opinion, if I received an invitation for a meal in a restaurant, I wouldn't expect the host and partner to pay for everything. Are you sure that is what the expectation is?

Honestly I would not stand for this - if people think you are paying they might order more expensive items than they would have and drink more - all on you.

It would be cheaper to have an actual party

panagia

ska_lover wrote: »

OP it is my opinion that you have been royally shafted on this one.

It would be cheaper to have an actual party

I agree with those two points.