When to charge board for room

Alikay

Mojisola wrote: »

But I expect them to act like adults when they become adults!

Well luckily most young people are happy to take on responsibility for funding and organising their own lives, but "acting like an adult" is rather a subjective idea since a lot of adults' behaviour falls far short of optimum!

We've always felt very fortunate to have our children, we love them and have found great joy in parenting them. We showed them how to be responsible and to work for what they need, and they learned well. But we also wanted them to be kind and to be generous, and those behaviours also need to be modelled. There are other lessons in life than just the hard ones.

Tabbytabitha

goodwithsaving wrote: »

You make it sound like such an inconvenience having children. (Regardless of their age, they are always your child).

I'd think that most adults would find it inconvenient to have their mother living with them and you only have one mother,

LilElvis

Mojisola wrote: »

But I expect them to act like adults when they become adults!

If the parents are happy to let their adult child live rent free whilst they save for a house deposit then it isn't infantilising them - it's encouraging them to be independent adults and assisting them to do so earlier than if they were contributing towards the household.

Our daughter is only seven so we have a long way to go before she is at uni or work but we won't be expecting her to pay us to live in our house as long as she is saving towards her future. We've already done just that for my husband's godchildren - one lived with us either full or part-time for over a decade and his sister has been doing the same since she moved here from Australia last year. The goddaughter did offer money but we refused as we never asked anything of her brother, apart from him paying for some of his beer. We've let her pay for the odd takeaway or lunch out but we would rather she saved her money for travels round Europe or towards her long term future should she decide to stay in the UK. We love both godchildren dearly and we're glad we are able to be their UK Mum and Dad.

Tabbytabitha

LilElvis wrote: »

If the parents are happy to let their adult child live rent free whilst they save for a house deposit then it isn't infantilising them - it's encouraging them to be independent adults and assisting them to do so earlier than if they were contributing towards the household.

Our daughter is only seven so we have a long way to go before she is at uni or work but we won't be expecting her to pay us to live in our house as long as she is saving towards her future. We've already done just that for my husband's godchildren - one lived with us either full or part-time for over a decade and his sister has been doing the same since she moved here from Australia last year. The goddaughter did offer money but we refused as we never asked anything of her brother, apart from him paying for some of his beer. We've let her pay for the odd takeaway or lunch out but we would rather she saved her money for travels round Europe or towards her long term future should she decide to stay in the UK. We love both godchildren dearly and we're glad we are able to be their UK Mum and Dad.

That's so illogical - how can you be encouraging someone to be independent by allowing them to be totally dependent on you?

steph2901

When my kids leave full time education and get proper jobs they will have to pay board. I paid when I was young, and so did everyone else I know.

I won't expect them to pay a ridiculous amount, but I will expect about £150 a month.

I don't expect to be paying their way forever as that's not teaching them how to live in the real world in my opinion.

LilElvis

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

That's so illogical - how can you be encouraging someone to be independent by allowing them to be totally dependent on you?

Not illogical at all. My sister and I could have afforded to live independently in rented accommodation but by living at home for free we were able to save much quicker to purchase our own homes - something which our parents actively encouraged. Our parents helping hand by paying for our food and negligible utility costs for a few years has made a tremendous difference to our long term situation. Neither of us took it for granted and our parents are happy that we now both have a stable financial position and good homes for their grandchildren. What's so wrong with supporting your children if you can afford to do so and they are using your help towards a better life?

silvercar

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

That's so illogical - how can you be encouraging someone to be independent by allowing them to be totally dependent on you?

They are not dependent if they have the ability to pay but the parent isn't taking the money.

This is a money saving site, not much point in taking money off your children, just for it to be taxed under inheritance tax rules (or used to pay care that would otherwise be paid for by the state), before a portion of it ends up back with them.;)

svain

There are better ways of encouraging your children independence than stinging them for "board"

Alikay

svain wrote: »

There are better ways of encouraging your children independence than stinging them for "board"

Agreed. And isn't there a happy medium somewhere between invoicing them for every sheet of loo-roll they use and allowing them to loaf around the house all day being lavished with gourmet nibbles and the latest technology?

Tabbytabitha

silvercar wrote: »

They are not dependent if they have the ability to pay but the parent isn't taking the money.

This is a money saving site, not much point in taking money off your children, just for it to be taxed under inheritance tax rules (or used to pay care that would otherwise be paid for by the state), before a portion of it ends up back with them.;)

I'm afraid I think they are - I'd hate to have produced a child who didn't insist on paying their own way as an adult.