When to stop financially supporting adult kids

Sea_Shell

I bet there are quite a few families who would love to holiday alone as a unit, but can't afford it. So along come parents offering an "extended" family holiday, so what do they do....of course they accept.

It doesn't mean they don't love their parents if they'd rather not go with them. But in the real world, a free holiday is a free holiday!!!

Money_maker

We used to take holidays with our In Laws when DS1 & 2 were younger, had they not offered then we would have not had any time away.

ska_lover

Money_maker wrote: »

We used to take holidays with our In Laws when DS1 & 2 were younger, had they not offered then we would have not had any time away.

Did you enjoy your hols with Inlaws? I'm not snarking btw, I would find it stressful.


I went on holiday once with my parents as an adult (I paid) and vowed never again - quite the opposite of a fun relaxing holiday that I had in mind

Fireflyaway

I'm 38 and my parents still help out! I lived at home till age 24 and paid no rent, bills etc. My parents paid for my wedding, the deposit for my first house and still now regularly give me money for my child's school transport and holiday clubs. they bought me a car a few months back and I pay them back each month to avoid car finance. Over the years they have treated us to some lovely holidays too. I work full time and my total household income is ok so it's not because we can't afford it, they just like to be generous ( in non monetary ways too) and I'm really appreciative. I hope to do the same with my child.

Sea_Shell

Fireflyaway wrote: »

I'm 38 and my parents still help out! I lived at home till age 24 and paid no rent, bills etc. My parents paid for my wedding, the deposit for my first house and still now regularly give me money for my child's school transport and holiday clubs. they bought me a car a few months back and I pay them back each month to avoid car finance. Over the years they have treated us to some lovely holidays too. I work full time and my total household income is ok so it's not because we can't afford it, they just like to be generous ( in non monetary ways too) and I'm really appreciative. I hope to do the same with my child.

Out of interest, do you have any siblings?
If so are they able to be as generous to them too?

maman

ska_lover wrote: »

- Just thinking further about this and I do not see that the ''regular financial support'' that I mentioned in post one.. is in any way the same as paying for luxury holidays or why that has even come in to it, if I am honest. The thread has come a different direction from the original question.

I was asking about regular financial support as in basic bills not luxury treats.

I suppose, to an extent, it's like any conversation in RL, it can easily go off on a tangent.


I'd say that there's been a fairly consistent approach from most of us that are able to afford it that we like to pay for treats but wouldn't expect to give regular financial support unless in exceptional circumstances like ill health or redundancy or similar.


So as we don't know the circumstances of the adult child then people will fill in the gaps with conjecture and speculation.

svain

As much as im all for sharing the wealth, and i have a very good relationship with all my family, but the thought of holidaying with my folks,... let alone the in-laws (eek!) .... sends me into a cold sweat. I would also not be comfortable for someone else to pay for my holiday every year. ...... I might make an exception for a landmark Birthday or Anniversary

ska_lover

maman wrote: »

I suppose, to an extent, it's like any conversation in RL, it can easily go off on a tangent.


I'd say that there's been a fairly consistent approach from most of us that are able to afford it that we like to pay for treats but wouldn't expect to give regular financial support unless in exceptional circumstances like ill health or redundancy or similar.


So as we don't know the circumstances of the adult child then people will fill in the gaps with conjecture and speculation.

Very true about the RL thing:rotfl:

ahh I see, don't get me wrong i think you have a great situation, you aren't being relied upon and have the stress and anxieties of that - In your case, the treats are well received and you clearly enjoy giving - It sounds ideal and everyone is happy

Not to sound morbid but if you passed away tomorrow, your adult kids would (financially speaking only, obviously) at worst - miss holidays - as they are covering their own living expenses

I know I haven't put massive amount of info on here, as it just doesn't seem the right thing to do - it is not my situation but one i see having a big effect on good hard working people I know well.

ska_lover

svain wrote: »

As much as im all for sharing the wealth, and i have a very good relationship with all my family, but the thought of holidaying with my folks,... let alone the in-laws (eek!) .... sends me into a cold sweat. I would also not be comfortable for someone else to pay for my holiday every year. ...... I might make an exception for a landmark Birthday or Anniversary

We were invited by the inlaws on holiday this year (all paying for ourselves). I just don't get the appeal - however we had a valid good reason to not. However if we didnt I would have come up with a bs excuse as there is not a chance

My SIL (and BIL) she holidays with her parents (my inlaws) every single year without fail. Even to the extent of taking parents on honeymoon (I wish i was joking). That's an altogether different thread...

maman

It wasn't actually me that takes the children on holiday. We have had big family holidays in the past but they were massive occasions with aunties and uncles and cousins. We had 30+ once and took over a chateau!

These days we'll either give them money to pay for a holiday if they choose to or give some currency as spending money for a holiday they've booked themselves.

I've never understood the honeymoon thing either. I once saw a post calling it a Familymoon! Yuk!:eek:_pale__pale__