When to stop financially supporting adult kids

ska_lover

As above really - when did you stop ''regularly' financially supporting your adult offspring?

Following on from a conversation I had recently with a friend and we both had quite differing view points on this.

I would be interested to hear what, if any, financial assistance people happily give their adult kids or did you feel adult kid was relying too much whilst you went without in middle age?

BTW i hate the term ''adult kids'' I just can't think of a better way to term it

I know there are no right or wrong answers to this

Tabbytabitha

The simple answer's "when they become adults" - with the odd exception, obviously.

ska_lover

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

The simple answer's "when they become adults" - with the odd exception, obviously.

Yes i agree

littlegreenparrot

I think you need to be a bit more specific about what you mean by 'supporting'.
As a student I did not pay housekeeping during holidays, but was not given money.
Siblings have been bailed out in emergencies, or given a roof when needed.

Detroit

When bailing them out prevents them taking responsibility.
When you do it as a means of control.
When you need them to be dependent on you to validate yourself.
When they don't appreciate the value of money.
When they have an attitude of entitlement.
When they keep repeating the same mistakes.
When other people you care for are negatively impacted.
When you start to resent it.

John-K_3

I was driven to University at eighteen, dropped off, and that was pretty much that, which seemed about right.

From fifteen I!!!8217;d worked in a shop on the weekends, for money for clothes, nights ou, holidays etc. Again, it seemed about right that when I could do this I stopped getting any money from my parents.

They still fed me at home, and did not ask for rent.

BorisThomson

Detroit wrote: »

When bailing them out prevents them taking responsibility.
When you do it as a means of control.
When you need them to be dependent on you to validate yourself.
When they don't appreciate the value of money.
When they have an attitude of entitlement.
When they keep repeating the same mistakes.
When other people you care for are negatively impacted.
When you start to resent it.

Brilliant, considered answer.

maman

Definitely need more information to give a helpful answer.

I give happily whenever I have an opportunity. I think what matters to me is that my DDs are financially independent so I treat them when I can but they never ask. Most recently I gave them some money for Easter. DD1 was going away so I got her some currency and sent the same in pounds to DD2.

I'm able to afford it. It gives me pleasure and it's what my parents did for me.

I think I'd feel different if they were wasting their own money and looking to me to bail them out.

Spendless

What is their life stage?

My eldest is 18. He is legally an adult, but he's in his 2nd year at an FE college and I could still claim child benefit for him.

In the Autumn he goes to University (hopefully - grades depending). He will still need to be supported by us financially, at least to start off with.

PrettyKittyKat

I lived with my Dad during university and when I left I worked two part time jobs whilst I looked for fulltime employment. He financially supported me, which meant giving me an allowance of £50 per month plus buying any food shopping I asked for and paying the household bills until I got my first fulltime job. He had told me to take some time to think about what I wanted to do after uni and look for a FT job I wanted, as he was able to continue supporting me financially. Although I did pay for my own expenses such as mobile phone, car insurance, petrol, eating out, clothes etc. Once I got my FT job I started to pay rent, although this was nominal as I was paying off student debt and saving to move out, and he still bought food I asked for (although I often bought my own!).

maman

PrettyKittyKat wrote: »

I lived with my Dad during university and when I left I worked two part time jobs whilst I looked for fulltime employment. He financially supported me, which meant giving me an allowance of £50 per month plus buying any food shopping I asked for and paying the household bills until I got my first fulltime job. He had told me to take some time to think about what I wanted to do after uni and look for a FT job I wanted, as he was able to continue supporting me financially. Although I did pay for my own expenses such as mobile phone, car insurance, petrol, eating out, clothes etc. Once I got my FT job I started to pay rent, although this was nominal as I was paying off student debt and saving to move out, and he still bought food I asked for (although I often bought my own!).

What a heartening post.. I'm definitely with your dad on his supportive approach.