Major buyers remorse

MrBrindle

Smodlet wrote: »

At the risk of stating the blindingly obvious, if you don't like the wind, don't buy a house at the top of a hill. Equally, if you want to be in a different location to the one your partner wants, tell her you will not be happy until you move there.

Wales is really not that big; if you had really wanted to go this "do" last night, you could have gone. You have to help yourself; stand up for yourself or put up with the consequences. You are part of this relationship too, you have a voice.

Fair enough, yes. When we viewed the house, the wind really didn't bother us. Don't know why it's bothering me now, I can only attribute it to the anxiety.

The location issue, again, I don't know if it's down to the anxiety and depressed feelings I have right now or they are quite genuine.

And regarding telling my partner about not being happy with our location, I've already floated that subject, but she's upset that I'm feeling this way, especially as we have just purchased a house which was our decision. So If I push that subject right now I'll probably end up being quite unpopular.

Smodlet

Sound relationships are built on resolved disagreements... I just made that up but believe it to be true from experience.

Bass_9

Although I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling I do think there's been a lot of good advice and positivity in this thread.

It's good to hear you have started mindfulness as it's exactly the type of thing that could help. It may help you to take a breath and stop thinking about the past or future so much, which is unfortunately how anxiety thrives... Which can also really fuel irritability, so what you have said about the wind bothering you makes sense.

I don't want to repeat too much of what others have said, but have you spent much time trying to enjoy the house as a family? What I mean isn't decorating and typical 'new house' activities. Instead I'm thinking about the things you enjoyed doing in your old house, and also discovering aspects of this house that weren't possible or as enjoyable previously, perhaps spending quality time in the garden? I know this all sounds a bit vague but I'm sure you'll understand what I'm getting at.

I do hope that you start to feel better soon, but be kind to yourself as it will take time. Please don't hesitate to ask for professional help if you need it though.

P.S. As far as grown men crying goes, my Dad was the strongest and bravest man I've ever known and even he occasionally cried.

Thrugelmir

MrBrindle wrote: »

The new house location is also quite windy sometimes which I'm finding quite off putting, even though it was windy each time we viewed!

I don't live in an exposed position. Yet this year so far does seem to have been windier than normal. As rarely a day without a breeze.

MrBrindle

Bass_9 wrote: »

Although I'm sorry to hear how you're feeling I do think there's been a lot of good advice and positivity in this thread.

It's good to hear you have started mindfulness as it's exactly the type of thing that could help. It may help you to take a breath and stop thinking about the past or future so much, which is unfortunately how anxiety thrives... Which can also really fuel irritability, so what you have said about the wind bothering you makes sense.

I don't want to repeat too much of what others have said, but have you spent much time trying to enjoy the house as a family? What I mean isn't decorating and typical 'new house' activities. Instead I'm thinking about the things you enjoyed doing in your old house, and also discovering aspects of this house that weren't possible or as enjoyable previously, perhaps spending quality time in the garden? I know this all sounds a bit vague but I'm sure you'll understand what I'm getting at.

I do hope that you start to feel better soon, but be kind to yourself as it will take time. Please don't hesitate to ask for professional help if you need it though.

P.S. As far as grown men crying goes, my Dad was the strongest and bravest man I've ever known and even he occasionally cried.

Understand completely, but truthfully, no. I haven't enjoyed much of my time in this new house so far, much to my partners dismay, I have probably spent most days worrying or dwelling about something, whether be it a problem in the house, missing the previous house or thinking of what the future holds. Quite sad really.

I've been trying to get a docs appointment, but it's a bloomin nightmare. Either a months wait or ring up on the day in the hope of getting through, which is proving difficult atm when there are dozens of others ringing up each morning. The other choice I have is a 'free' counseling course. They are a donation based venture in the county but do have a lengthy waiting list. I used them a few years ago while going through a tough patch.

I would rather exhaust all options of therapy before trying medication, which may sound naive to some.

Thanks again all.

justme111

Re voicing your preferences with a partner- I think some posters and you are talking about different things. it has a purpose when there are choices. Right now there are none - you just moved the house. What would one try to achieve going on about how unhappy one was with the house ? On a side note your partner is stay at home mother, she spends far more time in the house so I would say you done the right thing as with all else being equal she proportionately should have more say than you in it.
Life is hard with 1 and 3 years old children. houses often feel "weird" when they are new to us , I remember the fear of things going wrong as well. What you feel seems normal to me. How you feel about feeling it may be an issue or it may not be... At the risk of sounding patronising- sometimes when one gone through far bigger sh.ts in the life one stops sweating small stuff.