Mother is trying to control me still

eschaton

I wonder if this story will have an ending like the others?

TBagpuss

Kirstie,
you can't change your mum's behaviour.
You can't change your dad's behaviour and his willingness to tolerate her behaviour.

You can only ever change your own behaviour.

I'd suggest that you talk to your boyfriend. Expalin what is happening. He's presumably someone who cares about and supports you, let him do it That's part of a healthy relationship.

It's likely that that will involve him getting angry about and with you mum, which is a perfectly normal and reasonable reaction to someone acting this way.

Discuss with your boyfriend how you want to dela with this.

This might be by cutting ties with your mother.
If you don't want to do that, then another option would be for you to decide that you won't allow your mum to visit unless both you and your boyfriend are present, or to restrict contact with her to visits to her home, or meetings away from either home in public places.
As a minimum, find somewhere secure to keep you medicines and ensure that it is locked up when your mother visits.
You can also tell her that you medication has twice disappeared when she has been in the house, and that if that, or anything similar, happens again you will assume she is responsible and she will no longer be allowed to visit. Tell her that you are not going to discuss it, you are simply warning her, and that it is a final warning.

But the key is - you can't change her. You can only change how you respond to her.

coffeehound

Dad will have been beaten into submission a long time ago, knowing from bitter experience that a narcissist is like the Terminator -- they absolutely will not stop.

Poor_Single_lady

Just to clarify I haven't and will not send anyone any abusive messages.

The whole point of my post is that this game as waste of EVERYBODYS time. Not much point sending that privately when the poster already knows this to be true.

Pollycat

TBagpuss wrote: »

Kirstie,
you can't change your mum's behaviour.
You can't change your dad's behaviour and his willingness to tolerate her behaviour.

You can only ever change your own behaviour.

I think this ^^^^ is the only thing the OP needs to understand.

Poor_Single_lady

The OP has not engaged with any of the posters offering really helpful advice.

Good people offering good help just given a blanket thanks.

No engagement.

And then more posts asking for more advice.

Not even an acknowledgement of the link.

If it was me genuinely In this situation. I would say

"Thank you Xxx for posting the link. I had a quick look and going to sit down with a cup of tea later and read it properly"

Thank you very much,

Not so much here.
So this coupled with the weird choices made makes me go -

NAH

Not happening. Ridiculous.

But to clarify
Absolutely no abusive messages weee sent from my account

TensandUnits

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

My prescription medication is in plain view in my house. It's my house, I'll leave stuff where I like.

What a strange notion that anyone should be expected to hide stuff away in their own home (infants living there aside).

I do see what you mean. But being used to living in a house where there's either children around and/or often friends, neighbours or on occasions workmen coming in I think it appropriate not to mention safer to keep medication somewhere more private. I would certainly not leave them where a known pokey-nose could see them and remove them, twice!

eschaton

Are we going to get any updates Kirstie or does this one end like the others?

Or were you just dropping by to see the latest replies?

Starrystarrynight1

You must speak to your partner about this. Is it so bad if he does want to be protective of you and is it so bad to cut all contact with your mam if, as you describe, she seems intent on ruining your life, not just controlling you?

You must think long & hard about what is best for you. If that means cutting contact but having some peace in your life, then so be it.

pearl123

Firstly, are you and adult? If so then have a strong word with you mother regarding boundaries. State if she can't respect you then you and her need a break for a while.
Secondary, couples share information/problems to support each other. If you are not doing this then there is something missing from your relationship.