I want to believe I can do this!

pidge04

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Pidge04, sorry you have been feeling low. I haven't been so hot myself really. Impressed you spoke to the Samaritans and are on it for the counselling.

You are doing amazing on the debt front. Just hang on and as Welshkitty says take some time for yourself XXX

So sorry you haven't been feeling so hot yourself. Wishing you well!

Feels good to be back on here and feeling supported and reading the great diaries here!

Take good care!

Kitten868

Supermum strikes again - when you feel low you get help. That's totally fantastic. So easy to let it build up and get worse but you're challenging it in a healthy way. Really impressed by you.

You've done so amazingly and all your new goals kicked in in January so you haven't ruined all the progress you've made, just slowed off the start for the next bit.

I'm sorry you've been feeling low. You will get back to you I'm sure. And all these people are here to cheer you on til you get there. Keep going you wonderful lady xxxx

pidge04

Kitten868 wrote: »

Supermum strikes again - when you feel low you get help. That's totally fantastic. So easy to let it build up and get worse but you're challenging it in a healthy way. Really impressed by you.

You've done so amazingly and all your new goals kicked in in January so you haven't ruined all the progress you've made, just slowed off the start for the next bit.

I'm sorry you've been feeling low. You will get back to you I'm sure. And all these people are here to cheer you on til you get there. Keep going you wonderful lady xxxx

Wow, thank you!

pidge04

Pay day and I have moved payments around.

It feels pretty good to not have a £1000 overdraft limit for the first time in maybe 7 years!

I didn't get around to listing the bits I have to sell yesterday. There's quite a lot to sell. A lot of the clutter around me has reduced over the last year - that feels good too. That's got to be a happy consequence of this debt reduction! I have very little interest these days in having any possessions. It only takes 10-20 minutes to tidy up and have a clean around. That's a relief!

Absolutely dreading going back to work today although it's only 6 weeks until the next holiday! It was a fitful night of sleep. I have terrible dreams about work every night so wake up anxious and not at all rested. I was surprised I had them while I was on holiday last week too. Any tips about what to do before bed to try and stop this?

ftbwannabe

Hi pidge, hope all is well with you. your journey over the last year has been AMAZING - I am so grateful that you've been sharing here, & sharing the downs as well as the ups. Your diary was started almost a year ago, you know!
Well done for using support services, I hope counselling is helping & you have other ways of self-care, too. I find sleepy-teas useful for bad nights sleep, something with valerian or chamomile. also not having caffeine after 10am. A drop of cypress oil in a burner makes a big difference if I really can't nod off. It's a sedative, so whereas lavender's good for relaxing (& might help with the worry-brain that's keeping you awake), cypress is good for more of a knock-out. You can get rings to put on a lightbulb eg on a bedside lamp, to infuse the oil, if you don't want candles on around the kids. I'd put lavender straight on my pillow, but cypress oil's a bit too smelly for that.
Keep going, you're doing brilliantly.

PositiveBalance

Hi pidge! :wave:

pidge04 wrote: »

Pay day and I have moved payments around.

It feels pretty good to not have a £1000 overdraft limit for the first time in maybe 7 years!

Well done, you - that's massive! :T

pidge04 wrote: »

I didn't get around to listing the bits I have to sell yesterday. There's quite a lot to sell. A lot of the clutter around me has reduced over the last year - that feels good too. That's got to be a happy consequence of this debt reduction! I have very little interest these days in having any possessions. It only takes 10-20 minutes to tidy up and have a clean around. That's a relief!

This is absolutely what I need to do! I won't know myself if I declutter the house (and hopefully make a few squid while doing it)! I've got Kondo' book on order at the library and a massive list of things that need listing on all the different sites.

If I got rid of the clutter it would probably take me an hour to clean the house from top-to-bottom! :rotfl:

pidge04 wrote: »

Absolutely dreading going back to work today although it's only 6 weeks until the next holiday! It was a fitful night of sleep. I have terrible dreams about work every night so wake up anxious and not at all rested. I was surprised I had them while I was on holiday last week too. Any tips about what to do before bed to try and stop this

I'm not sure that there is much I can add to the other advice but I hope that paying off your debt is helping you to feel better. Once it is gone, perhaps the job change that currently feels impossible might be more possible?

pidge04 wrote: »

January was very hard. I have felt very low and I have not been able to lift my spirits. Work has been very hard. I am trapped - can't afford to move jobs and earn less. Can't afford to travel further to a different job.

I've had 2 counselling appointments so far. 5 more to go. Been in contact with The Samaritans once. I have felt very, very down.

Hopefully the counselling will help. And being outdoors as Spring comes. And 2 weeks off work at Easter.

I'm sorry you have been feeling so carp. I hope the counselling helps. :kisses3:

pidge04 wrote: »

I must keep things in perspective - I'm in a much better position than I was in this time last year. And this time next year will be better still.

This is true, but I reckon it's OK to feel a bit bleurgh about it from time to time. :cool:

PositiveBalance

pidge04 wrote: »

Thanks for this. It is a very dysfunctional set up we are in. From January, I will be saving £200 a month towards my exit from this very dysfunctional set up. I can’t afford at the moment to move apart but it is coming. For everyone’s sake, it needs to happen. I am going to ask for his financial support this month. I’ve been in some debt or other the whole of my adult life but this last lot of debt (maxing out 2 credit cards in 18 months) comes from giving up a well-paid part time job because it was completely untenable and taking a less well paid part time job but still continuing to pay more or less half of everything. Food shopping, petrol and phone bills went into those debts which is ridiculous. I’m heading towards financial freedom and then personal freedom from the situation I am in.

Just read this...food for thought...if the debt is stopping you from moving might it possibly be a good idea to throw the money at the debt to pay it off quicker, then save up what you need to make the move before doing so? Psychologically, you might feel better knowing it is there for you in the background, though, which is no small thing.

pidge04

Pay day on Monday so time to move some money around.

I was feeling a bit despondent about my finances last week until I saw that I have earned an extra £248 this month! The overtime I did has made a big difference. Plus there was a travel claim. I've signed up for some overtime next week.

April:
Rent and bills £550
Savings £400
Overdraft £100
Overdraft fee £9
Car £165
Loan £227
Credit card £100
Prof fees £20
Car insurance £20
Petrol £60
Childcare £25
Phone £17
Other costs £50
Presents £35

STILL got a bunch of stuff to try and sell. Why haven't I got around to doing that??

Free or very cheap Easter holiday activities:

Nature reserve, pirate playground, free local museum, country park x 2, nature trail, beach, library, baking, bike riding, picnic, 3 x parks in neighbourhood, scooting, woods, PJ day, arts and crafts at home, make a reading den at home, friends to play and visit grandparents.

1 x cinema trip as a treat, 1 x swimming as a treat. To be paid for with pocket money which we have saved up.

Feeling positive.

pidge04

PositiveBalance wrote: »

Just read this...food for thought...if the debt is stopping you from moving might it possibly be a good idea to throw the money at the debt to pay it off quicker, then save up what you need to make the move before doing so? Psychologically, you might feel better knowing it is there for you in the background, though, which is no small thing.

I totally agree with this! If I read it in someone's diary, I would suggest paying off the debt rather than saving! I just feel like I have to get some cash behind me.

pidge04

Hello
I reckon I am about half way through my debt free journey and I feel like reminding myself of how things have changed. Sorry to be so indulgent when I am hardly out of the woods...
1. It’s been, thankfully, a long time since any direct debits/cheques etc bounced!
2. I’m not over my overdraft limit at the end of the month anymore! My overdraft is reducing!
3. I don’t wake up feeling (as much) doom as I used to!
4. I now make monthly budget plans. I know what is coming out each month!!
5. I don’t buy or book things which I can’t afford anymore (the impulsive 3 day caravan break booked and paid for on my credit card in January was the last thing).
6. I haven’t used a credit card since early January (caravan break).
7. My credit card is 0%.
8. I check my bank balance MULTIPLE times throughout the day!
9. I’ve boosted my income.
10. My credit score has improved.
11. I’ve got savings!!
I’m still pretty bogged down by my debt and a fifth of my salary goes towards debt and things are tight but overall, things are on the up and I am excited about my financial future...that one day I will be a saver and I will be able to plan and budget for a few treats/experiences.
Sometimes I feel like nothing is happening, life is at a standstill and it can’t all clear quick enough but things have changed and I am very slowly and steadily moving forward.
Thank you for indulging me!