No internet for a week. UPDATED #53

svain

hazyjo wrote: »

Why are you aiming to go to bed at the same time? I go up around 12.30am and my OH is in bed by 10-ish (earlier if I let him lol). It doesn't make our relationship any less strong. Actually, we sleep in separate rooms! So much nicer - we sleep so much better! I'd only consider going to bed at the same time (and in the same bed lol) if we felt we'd not had sex for months (or longer!) and were trying to get that part of it back. Actually, we do okay as we are lol!

This feels strange advice to me. Separate bedrooms should be an absolute last resort. Your relationship may feel less strong to you but imo it must lack something with this arrangement.

Is there a medical or work reason you live separate lives after 10pm?

thriftylass

svain wrote: »

This feels strange advice to me. Separate bedrooms should be an absolute last resort. Your relationship may feel less strong to you but imo it must lack something with this arrangement.

Is there a medical or work reason you live separate lives after 10pm?

Nothing wrong with separate bedrooms or different bedtimes as long if it works for them. I wish we had separate bedrooms. My husband snores badly so it helps if I fall asleep first. Also our body clocks work different, he's stays up later and I'm better at getting up early and like going earlier. I'm also a light sleeper so any movement or noise next to me wakes me up. And no ear plugs don't work for me

Primrose

The clocks for forward this weekend so you will now have an extra hour of daylight for a quick evening walk, or even doing some gardening !

Ozzuk

Sports related activity is a great idea, go out play badminton/tennis/squash together, gets you laughing and fit.

hazyjo

svain wrote: »

This feels strange advice to me. Separate bedrooms should be an absolute last resort. Your relationship may feel less strong to you but imo it must lack something with this arrangement.

Is there a medical or work reason you live separate lives after 10pm?

thriftylass has pretty much summed it up.

No strange reason. I used to feel the same as you. I remember finding out my ex husband's parents slept in separate beds in the same room. Thought it was the most bizarre thing ever and thought they must be really uptight, prudish, weird - all that and more. Thought thank God my parents are 'normal' and still close and share a bed and are always tactile.

When I was having a hard time with my ex husband, I started to sleep downstairs in another bedroom. I realised how utterly lovely it was. I felt like a princess. I slept well for the first time in years. It was heaven! Maybe I got used to it!

I am a light sleeper, and I can be a nightmare with OCD. My OH is like a Tasmanian Devil and the sheet ends up untucked and screwed in a line sometimes down the middle of the bed or with loads of creases in (I have to smooth my sheet down and like it completely flat). I like my duvet tucked in at the end but his ends up upside down, round the wrong way, and/or hanging half off the bed. I like a duvet, a quilt, and sometimes even a blanket. He has one thin duvet. He likes the curtains open, window open, light outside - I love it pitch black with the curtains/blind/window shut (unless it's roasting then I can bear the window open). He goes to bed early, I go late - I can't sleep any earlier and need to sit up for around 3 hours after eating due to digestive issues. But I've always been the same, even since I was a child. I've always hated going to bed. He's at home all day, and has had decades of 'wild living' so now loves nothing more than going to bed. I don't get in until 7.30pm (1.5 hours commute door to door each way) so need to unwind for longer.

We started off together but we found I was having to go into the spare room a lot cos I couldn't sleep, mainly cos of his snoring or fidgeting (and he'd often have the cheek to elbow me if I made the slightest snore noise which can be like red rag to a bull when you've spent a couple of hours trying to get to sleep in the first place!).

It was never a teary emotional conversation, we basically just both said 'thank God for that' and often say how lovely it is and how spoilt we are. Friends are often jealous - and many end up in separate beds when they can't sleep, and it's usually done with anger in that case.

We do sometimes share a bed - weekends away, hotels on holiday for a week or so, if we stay with friends/family or if they come to stay... we're not totally averse to the idea, it's just nicer apart! And that's not to say we're not intimate just cos we don't share a bed ! We're always friendly and happy about it and say night and are quite tactile.

We usually end up with a cat each lol.

thriftylass wrote: »

Nothing wrong with separate bedrooms or different bedtimes as long if it works for them. I wish we had separate bedrooms. My husband snores badly so it helps if I fall asleep first. Also our body clocks work different, he's stays up later and I'm better at getting up early and like going earlier. I'm also a light sleeper so any movement or noise next to me wakes me up. And no ear plugs don't work for me

Pretty much it

svain

thriftylass wrote: »

Nothing wrong with separate bedrooms or different bedtimes as long if it works for them. I wish we had separate bedrooms. My husband snores badly so it helps if I fall asleep first. Also our body clocks work different, he's stays up later and I'm better at getting up early and like going earlier. I'm also a light sleeper so any movement or noise next to me wakes me up. And no ear plugs don't work for me

Yes, i can understand snoring being a deal breaker if that loud and i would class that as a medical problem.

svain

hazyjo wrote: »

thriftylass has pretty much summed it up.

No strange reason. I used to feel the same as you. I remember finding out my ex husband's parents slept in separate beds in the same room. Thought it was the most bizarre thing ever and thought they must be really uptight, prudish, weird - all that and more. Thought thank God my parents are 'normal' and still close and share a bed and are always tactile.

When I was having a hard time with my ex husband, I started to sleep downstairs in another bedroom. I realised how utterly lovely it was. I felt like a princess. I slept well for the first time in years. It was heaven! Maybe I got used to it!

I am a light sleeper, and I can be a nightmare with OCD. My OH is like a Tasmanian Devil and the sheet ends up untucked and screwed in a line sometimes down the middle of the bed or with loads of creases in (I have to smooth my sheet down and like it completely flat). I like my duvet tucked in at the end but his ends up upside down, round the wrong way, and/or hanging half off the bed. I like a duvet, a quilt, and sometimes even a blanket. He has one thin duvet. He likes the curtains open, window open, light outside - I love it pitch black with the curtains/blind/window shut (unless it's roasting then I can bear the window open). He goes to bed early, I go late - I can't sleep any earlier and need to sit up for around 3 hours after eating due to digestive issues. But I've always been the same, even since I was a child. I've always hated going to bed. He's at home all day, and has had decades of 'wild living' so now loves nothing more than going to bed. I don't get in until 7.30pm (1.5 hours commute door to door each way) so need to unwind for longer.

We started off together but we found I was having to go into the spare room a lot cos I couldn't sleep, mainly cos of his snoring or fidgeting (and he'd often have the cheek to elbow me if I made the slightest snore noise which can be like red rag to a bull when you've spent a couple of hours trying to get to sleep in the first place!).

It was never a teary emotional conversation, we basically just both said 'thank God for that' and often say how lovely it is and how spoilt we are. Friends are often jealous - and many end up in separate beds when they can't sleep, and it's usually done with anger in that case.

We do sometimes share a bed - weekends away, hotels on holiday for a week or so, if we stay with friends/family or if they come to stay... we're not totally averse to the idea, it's just nicer apart! And that's not to say we're not intimate just cos we don't share a bed ! We're always friendly and happy about it and say night and are quite tactile.

We usually end up with a cat each lol.



Pretty much it

I understand your reasoning ... but I still don't think its a good solution for the original poster in this case

hazyjo

svain wrote: »

I understand your reasoning ... but I still don't think its a good solution for the original poster in this case

No right or wrong, just my suggestion.



If the hubby comes up at 11pm, maybe he'll begrudge going up at 10-ish (or whatever time they've decided is right for them both). I suppose it depends if the OP turns over and falls fast asleep as she's now in bed at least half hour later than usual :rofl: Perhaps they can watch telly together. Or has the OP/her husband decided he should now go to sleep an hour or so earlier than before? That seems weirder to me than going up at times which suit each of them

svain

hazyjo wrote: »

No right or wrong, just my suggestion.



If the hubby comes up at 11pm, maybe he'll begrudge going up at 10-ish (or whatever time they've decided is right for them both). I suppose it depends if the OP turns over and falls fast asleep as she's now in bed at least half hour later than usual :rofl: Perhaps they can watch telly together. Or has the OP/her husband decided he should now go to sleep an hour or so earlier than before? That seems weirder to me than going up at times which suit each of them

Im not against the idea of going to bed at different times, i know many couples (me included) that go to bed at different times on a regular basis ..... but none have needed to resort to separate bedrooms as a result.

hazyjo

svain wrote: »

Im not against the idea of going to bed at different times, i know many couples (me included) that go to bed at different times on a regular basis ..... but none have needed to resort to separate bedrooms as a result.

Their loss. It's bloody lovely :rotfl: Wouldn't change it for the world!