what expenditure is allowed

ampersand

Dear soolin - I have just seen your post by chance but have on previous occasions much approved your careful, balanced and knowledgeable help given to ebay posters.
I have neither experience nor help to offer for you with your Dad - wish I did - but just want to offer any good wishes, strength you feel are relevant, both truly meant and sent.
You have offered so much to others on this site, I know you will be further helped to find your way through this. EdInvestor and Margaretclare are already your virtual advisors.
As always, too, I say please visit your CAB.
I will continue to think of and for you and your Dad.

margaretclare

I sympathise, Soolin. I have some good friends who are in a similar situation re house clearance, although perhaps the said house is not in such an appalling state as your Dad's. In the case of my friends, Mum is already in a care home, Dad was at home and he died, all his estate left to Mum, but guess who is having to do all the work? They have finally cleared out the house and put it on the market but they've chickened out of clearing the 3 sheds down the garden - whoever buys it will be lumbered with piles of antique woodworking tools and stuff going back decades.

In many cases like this the house is not going to be in a fit state to be rented out. An old person may have lived in the house for years and even when all the stuff is cleared out, often the kitchen/bathroom etc are ancient and outdated.

My stepson has recently being doing up a house on the outskirts of Derby. It had been lived in by the same man since the 1950s and was a real time-warp! They've ended up having to gut it completely, rewire, re-plaster, the whole thing, you name it. They thought of renting it out but have decided they can't be bothered, so have put it back on the market.

People looking to rent a house will expect at least the basic modern amenities.

Margaret

soolin

Thank you ampersand, I'm having a bit of a bad day (In case you couldn't tell) and your post has heartened me.

As an update I have spoken to some solicitors and it seems that I will find it difficult to sell dad's house even with my enduring power of attorney. One solicitor is going to call me back with more info as they believe I may have to get a proper registered court thingy as dad is against the house sale. I love my dad I really do but I wish I could make him understand that we must sell the house otherwise we can't pay his home fees but he gets very distressed and angry when anyone mentions it.

The good news though is I had someone phone me this morning to offer a cash sum for a private sale that is higher than the estate agent reckoned it was worth. I have phoned the etate agent and mentioned that I wondered if the property may be worth more and they say if I do go ahead and sign up with them to sell they will revalue and go for a higher amount asking for offers.

soolin

Thank you Margaret.

When I used to try and get into the house to see dad I would nag him about the house and he would always rebuke me by saying it was nothing to do with me and I was being disrespectful to him by trying to force him to do some work in the house. I sometimes stand there in the house (minus hard hat but with a safety mask due to mould spores) and remember that none of this was supposed to be 'my business'.

Like your friend's dad my dad was a skilled workman and hoarded tools but luckily assuming I can physically carry the items to the car and bring them back to my house my neighbour takes them all as he is a volunteer for a charity called Tool-aid that ship them all overseas. I know if dad was able to understand he would be pleased that his tools are still going to be used.

monkeyspanner

We have just sold my MIL's house with my wife having enduring POA. The solicitor was the same as had drawn up the POA and was happy to act on my wife's sole instructions and MIL was not consulted by the solicitor regarding her wishes.

Unfortunately as it seems your Dad has expressed his wishes but it sounds as though he is not able to continue to make sound decisions it may be necessary to register the POA so that he can no longer influence any decisions you may wish to make. The agression is a common but distressing side effect of dementia. It may be worth asking for a referal to a dementia specialist. My MIL is much better now that her medication has been altered by the specialist and no longer thinks we are trying to poison her. (We weren't by the way!)

I really do sympathise with your problems with Attendance Allowance, we had to suspend my MIL's due to a protracted stay in hospital and have been waiting since early September for its reinstatement, now having got that decision we are trying to find the right person to push the right button to get the payments made. It really gets on top of you because no-one seems to want to actually make a decision and get on with it. On the positive side I would have thought your Dad will be awarded AA with no problems, eventually.

It sounds like good news on the house front offer, it may also be worth approaching local estate agents to see if any of their clients are looking for development land depending on the property your Dad owns. Sounds like there is some land attached if you have the council chasing you about the state of the garden.

It's difficult I know, but as I am always saying to my wife "each week make some time for yourself, the problems will still be there tomorrow" or with luck you might get the letter you are waiting for and the problem will be resolved.

ampersand

monkeyspanner wrote: »

It sounds like good news on the house front offer, it may also be worth approaching local estate agents to see if any of their clients are looking for development land depending on the property your Dad owns. Sounds like there is some land attached if you have the council chasing you about the state of the garden.

It's difficult I know, but as I am always saying to my wife "each week make some time for yourself, the problems will still be there tomorrow" or with luck you might get the letter you are waiting for and the problem will be resolved.

#######
Yes, I was thinking about 'development land' as a selling proposition.
How far could you go re: obtaining planning permission? Can you check to see local dev. plan or envelope? All can be Plus points.
Also, do take a cutting or two, some bulbs, something from Dad's land/garden, and something tactile - some timber(you may using it for framing something? garden seat/edging? a hammer?) Giving to Tool Aid is marvellous, but keep a token.
Dad was not always as he is now, as you remember - a skilled workman.
It's a continuum, showing kindly and healthy recognition and respect, which will help you later. You may in turn pass things on to your own children, if you have any.
monkeyspanner's other words of advice on side effects of dementia and caring for self are excellent, too.
##############
I'm about to put kettle on - so here are cuppytease and bikkies for us all.
Soft hugs.

EdInvestor

Actually Soolin, sounds like you are already quite a way down the track with the house, obviously selling it is the way to go , well done

After that you can look at the anuity idea perhaps for part of the proceeds.

Savvy_Sue

Soolin, I've been away and am doing a little catching up now. I hope you've been taking care of yourself and maybe even had some encouragements.

I don't know HOW you make phone calls without bursting into tears when you say the word 'dad'. But maybe a big box of tissues nearby will help, and maybe starting off with something along the lines of "Please bear with me if I break down because I am finding dealing with my dad's affairs very difficult" will also help. You might also want to ask who you're speaking to so that you can ask for them again if it all gets too much and you have to hang up.

They are the professionals, and should respond professionally. But he's your dad, you're allowed to be emotional and upset by it all.

Hugs.

Biggles

Hi Soolin, I've also been away and just seen this thread.

I think you're right to sell the house ASAP. As I commented to you on a previous thread, general advice is that the cost of 'doing up' a dilapidated property will struggle to be recouped in the increase to the sale price. Plus the fact that you will sell it to someone who thinks, 'I wouldn't have done that' and spend more money undoing what you've paid to have done. Some people actually like a challenge, and being able to mould the house to fit their needs/plans is all part of the attraction. Plus they think the'ye getting a bargain!

When you've sold the house, definitely consider an immediate care needs annuity from NHFA, as recommended above. This is what I did as soon as I'd sold Mum's house and the balance of her funds is now slowly accumulating, not reducing, thus taking the pressure off me as I don't have to keep thinking, 'how many more years will the money last?'.

Witrh regard to your authority to sell the house, if you're father has really lost 'mental capacity' to manage his own affairs (and the staff at the care home will help you with that decision - get them to put it in writing if you are in any doubt) then the fact that he is opposed to the sale won't matter, you will just need to register the EPA that you have. I would get on with that, as it takes four to six weeks (from memory) as you have to notify the three nearest relatives first in case they have an objection. The fact that he is in a dementia home seems to indicate there wouldn't be a problem with registration.

Obviously, it would be quicker if you could get him to agree to the sale, as there is really no alternative but, as you have told the solicitor of his objection you will probably need to get his agreement in writing (witnessed by care home staff, I guess). In that event, you wouldn't need to have it registered unless you are sure he's lost/losing mental capacity, when you need to do it in any event.

Biggles

BTW in answer to your original question (!), there can be no problem with him continuing regular gifts on the same level as previously (including allowing for inflation as time goes on).

I keep pretty complete records on a spreadsheet of all income and expenditure (except day-to-day 'petty cash' items, which are lumped together as you are doing with 'personal shopping'). It's just helpful at this stage (and can be produced if needs be to answer any qustions about what her money has been spent on) but mainly it's to ensure I can keep my siblings informed.

When the EPA is registered, I believe the OPG have the right to ask for accounts but it looks, from their current website, as though this is unlikely except in the case of a dispute. But it would be wise to keep them in any event.