MMD: Should I pay more than my partner?

Gloomendoom

^^^^ We sort of do it that way. We have our own bank accounts and a joint one that we hardly use. I owned the house before we were married so I just carried on paying the mortgage and the utility bills as I had before. My wife buys the food etc.

Any other bills that come in tend to get paid by whoever opens the envelope. The system works for us with no need for spreadsheets or complicated algorithms. All money, wherever it is stored, is treated as a joint asset.

onomatopoeia99

PasturesNew wrote: »

After 8 years these questions shouldn't be asked.... you're either in a couple, or not. If you are, get married; if not, split up.

Get married? Why? Because you say so?

NaughtiusMaximus

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Get married? Why? Because you say so?

Indeed. Some people seem just can't seem to get their head around the idea that some of us don't regard marriage as an essential part of a long term committed relationship. I've been with my partner for 13 years and I know a few couples who've been together more than double that time without getting married. Aside from the joint mortgage we also keep our finances totally separate.

fatrab

Personally, I think household bills should be an even split. Rent/Mortgage, council tax, gas/electric etc. You got into it together regardless of who earned what. It's a conversation that should've been had at the start if there was a difference in salaries back then.


Lifestyle choices like cars, socialising, personal credit cards should be down to the individual. I wouldn't expect my wife to make a contribution towards my debt and we earn similar amounts. Sometimes when we go out I'll pay, other times she will.


We've been together for 17 years, married for 4, and keep our finances completely separate. It works perfectly fine for us.

NeilCr

Gavin83 wrote: »

I appreciate people have different methods of doing things and I've no problem with that as long as it works for them. What is really annoying me is how judgmental people are in here. Some posters are labeling those who don't pool their finances or those who don't get married after 5 mins as being in a substandard relationship and I'm really not sure what gives you the right to do so. Maybe you're right, I'm sure every couple who've divorced didn't pool their finances and that was a contributing factor.

Quite. Although it doesn't really annoy me - more surprise me. There is quite a bit of only my way is the right way on here.

We don't live together so no question of pooling or worrying about bank accounts. We both pay our own way (and manage our own day to day finances) but I have quite a bit more disposable income than her so I sometimes pay for things like theatre tickets/gigs etc which she just couldn't afford. A couple of tickets to the O2, a meal out, hotel and train tickets can get expensive.

When I was married we had a bills account which we both paid into and then our own accounts for what we wanted to spend money on . Then she became too unwell to work so had to take ill health retirement. By which time I had a reasonably well paid job so I paid the bills and retained the rest of my salary. She had an ill health pension for herself.

Worked for us. Might not work for others but that's good. I wouldn't say it was the right way to do it - but it was the right way for us.

As to getting married after eight years or splitting. I'm gobsmacked. Most sorted relationship I know is a couple who've lived together for 30 years since they were 18. Not a wedding in sight!

Andu

We've been together 20 years, have 2 kids and a house, and we have separate finances. We don't believe in marriage so will never marry. He used to earn more than I do, now I earn twice as much as he does. We still split bills and kids' stuff 50/50, everything else is up to each of us. If he wants a gadget I don't want then he pays, if I want to go somewhere he doesn't want to pay for then I pay. Works for us and we never have any arguments about finances.


50/50 seemed fair to me when I was earning less, and still does now I earn more. If he didn't earn enough to afford what he wanted then I might suggest I pay more though, but since he earns a decent wage and actually has more savings than me I think this is fine and so does he.

Gavin83

Gloomendoom wrote: »

The system works for us with no need for spreadsheets or complicated algorithms.

I have a spreadsheet for my own finances, I find it helps me manage my outgoings each month.

onlyroz

fatrab wrote: »

Personally, I think household bills should be an even split. Rent/Mortgage, council tax, gas/electric etc. You got into it together regardless of who earned what. It's a conversation that should've been had at the start if there was a difference in salaries back then.


Lifestyle choices like cars, socialising, personal credit cards should be down to the individual. I wouldn't expect my wife to make a contribution towards my debt and we earn similar amounts. Sometimes when we go out I'll pay, other times she will.


We've been together for 17 years, married for 4, and keep our finances completely separate. It works perfectly fine for us.

What if your incomes change later in the relationship? E.g. one of you goes part time after having kids? Or one of you retires? Or one of you becomes sick or disabled? Or one of you has a windfall, or becomes mega-famous? Or one of you runs a business which fails? Or gets made redundant and struggles to find new work? Should you still carry on contributing 50:50 if the income disparity becomes large? And so the one with all the income can buy themselves whatever toys and treats they like while the other can't afford a take-out sandwich?

I'm all for maintaining separate finances but it's unfair if one of you ends up with significantly more disposable income than the other.

WibblyGirly

I expect this to become an issue in my relationship but in the opposite way. I'll be earning more than my partner and would like pay proportionally according to wages so we both have the same left over money however he is adamant about staying 50/50.

Froom2

My partner and I split bills and housing cost proportionally with salary.
Food and other living expenses are split 50/50.

I earn more than him, and this was my suggestion. I felt that if I asked him for 50% of the bills and housing I would feel that I was unnecessarily hindering his ability to save.

At the end of the day, I felt that this was what I needed to do to feel like we were fair. When I suggested it to him before he moved in with me, he was surprised and commented 'thats.. actually really fair'. I like the combination of splitting the basic things proportionally and the food etc 50/50. Because we eat about the same amount!!

But I agree with what others say - find what works for you, and what you're comfortable with. Every couple will be a bit different.