MMD: Should I pay more than my partner?

NeilCr

Bristow wrote: »

If you have been together for 8 years, commit to each other and get married. If you don't want to marry just agree that you will share everything and whatever you have is shared jointly.

If you don't feel confident enough to do this, then split as you clearly don't have any confidence in your partner.

Good grief! Really.

I've got to ask where this eight year rule has come from? That's at least three posters who have mentioned it and I've never heard it before.

hellienellie

We have been married for 54 years and when we started out we paid half each . When kids came along my husband took on all the finances ! Once I went back work and was earning less than he we agreed to pay a fair percentage of our income . We are now pensioners and I don't have a private pension he does so we keep it pro rata ! It's a partnership !

fatrab

Bristow wrote: »

If you don't feel confident enough to do this, then split as you clearly don't have any confidence in your partner.

Wow. Just, wow.

Pay_me

This marriage theme that keeps appearing is complete and utter nonsense!!

username_unavailable

We have been together for 25 years, always had a shared account and always 'pooled' our money. When we were first together I earned more than she did, then she got a better job and we earned the same, then I got a better job and we could afford to put her through a years training where she earns very little. Then I got made redundant and she got a better job. So you see if you are in it together it's swings and roundabouts it is about helping each other out not counting how much more you have or how much less you have

crmism

Of course you should pay more - what kind of relationship do you have that begs a question such as yours? Is it as mercenary as you make it out to be?

Look at it this way. If only one partner is earning, is it fair to expect the other to pay for the upkeep of the home when they have nothing in the way of income? Likewise, if one partner has a job that attracts higher-rate tax and the other earns a few pounds a week in a cleaning job, is it fair to expect the latter to meet 50% of the household costs? In both examples, no it isn't.

maman

crmism wrote: »

Of course you should pay more - what kind of relationship do you have that begs a question such as yours? Is it as mercenary as you make it out to be?

IMO there's no 'Of Course' about it.


I believe it would be very mercenary indeed to go into a relationship expecting the other person to finance your lifestyle. Isn't that where the term gold digger is used?


I know we don't live in an equal world (yet;)) but we've just celebrated the centenary of some women getting the vote. It's over 70 years since equality of opportunity in education. Why are we still stuck in this mindset of kept women? or even kept men? I think it's archaic.


Of course I realise there will be extenuating circumstances but taking the original post at face value (i.e. no illness, disability, pregnancy, redundancy etc.) then my self respect wouldn't let me live with a partner who was bailing me out financially.

happyinflorida

Why are you even asking this?

Surely when your partner brought this up you discussed it or did you get all angry at the thought you may have to give a bit more money when you're earning more?!

Personally I think if you're earning more then yes, you should contribute more as it's unfair otherwise, IMO.

When my husband asked me to buy our first home together I said everything should be fair and our money should go in one account and our attitude should be "what's yours is mine and vice versa".

It worked for my parents and that's what I think is fair.

TBH I've always given everything and got very little. My husband has always had hobbies, which I haven't and has always spent a lot of money on cameras, hi fi - the old fashioned, expensive sort and other things.

He's always asked first but looking back, I do think I've let him spend far too much over the years and he's never looked at what is needed, like for the house or garden or whatever first, it's always me that has had to point this out - which now I think has been a bit annoying.

Possibly it's showing that I've left him get away with too much spending and I've been left with almost nothing and have never spent much on clothes or shoes etc because we've never had it spare, the kids came first but we have never had much money.

I think I'm digging a hole here.

Do what you want, if you're happy - fine but if your partner isn't, well that could lead to problems further down the line.

maman

happyinflorida wrote: »

Why are you even asking this?

Surely when your partner brought this up you discussed it or did you get all angry at the thought you may have to give a bit more money when you're earning more?!

Personally I think if you're earning more then yes, you should contribute more as it's unfair otherwise, IMO.

When my husband asked me to buy our first home together I said everything should be fair and our money should go in one account and our attitude should be "what's yours is mine and vice versa".

It worked for my parents and that's what I think is fair.

TBH I've always given everything and got very little. My husband has always had hobbies, which I haven't and has always spent a lot of money on cameras, hi fi - the old fashioned, expensive sort and other things.

He's always asked first but looking back, I do think I've let him spend far too much over the years and he's never looked at what is needed, like for the house or garden or whatever first, it's always me that has had to point this out - which now I think has been a bit annoying.

Possibly it's showing that I've left him get away with too much spending and I've been left with almost nothing and have never spent much on clothes or shoes etc because we've never had it spare, the kids came first but we have never had much money.

I think I'm digging a hole here.

Do what you want, if you're happy - fine but if your partner isn't, well that could lead to problems further down the line.

:rotfl: Yes, you are!:D


Well, you might be....


From what you've posted, doing what your parents did because it was fair didn't work for you.


When you let your husband get away with treating himself to all these expensive toys, was it your earnings he was spending?


Might you have been better off doing as many posters have suggested and just contributing 50:50 to the household bills. Then whatever's left from your own earnings you could have spent on flowers or cushions or whatever you wanted and no need to feel resentful of the hi-fi or the camera.;)

NaughtiusMaximus

happyinflorida wrote: »

Why are you even asking this?

tbh I have my doubts that these 'moral dilemma' threads posted by MSE staff originate from genuine queries, more like hypothetical questions intended to prompt a discussion.