MMD: Should I pay more than my partner?

JimmyTheWig

onlyroz wrote: »

I'm all for equal opportunity. I'd love to see a world where child-rearing responsibilities and employment activities are shared equally between both parents. And so equal time and duration of paid parental leave after a child is born. Access to high quality and affordable childcare. And more opportunities for job shares and part-time work for both men and women without having to sacrifice promotion prospects. All of this is the norm in Scandinavian countries.


But you do seem to be focussed on the idea that the only valid contribution a person makes to a household is how much money they bring in - and that unless you are bringing in as much as your partner you are somehow freeloading. What if you choose a career that is rewarding but offers low pay? E.g. a nurse married to a lawyer. Both have high stress high responsibility jobs but the lawyer might be bringing in several times the income of the nurse. Should the nurse be forced to live off bread and cheese and clothes from the charity shop while the lawyer eats lobster and wears Armani?

The sort of (rare) post I want to be able to "thank" more than once...
Spot on.

sporkafife

I'd say yes, it just seems fair to me. I earn pretty much exactly double what my girlfriend earns, and therefore I find it fair that we split bills into a 2:1 ratio. That way we both pay exactly the same proportion of our income.

Easy example, I earn £1000, she earns £500. The bills are £900. I pay for £600 of them (leaving me with £400) and she pays £300 (leaving her with £200). Yes, I pay double what she pays towards the bills, but after that I have double what she has as disposable income. This seems fair in every way to me, I still get my "reward" for earning more as my disposable income for every month is higher, but it's fair because it's higher in proportion with my wages.

steph2901

Me and my husband pay all the household bills 50/50 but keep our own bank accounts and have nothing else joint apart from the house. It works for us.

ButterflyLC

This all depends on what you actually do. Is there an agreed sum that goes into a bank account for household bills, food, entertainment and the like? And do you have a personal allowance that depends on what's left over from your own salaries? If that's the case, then IMO yes you should contribute more. I earn much more than my husband and our money is pooled rather than splitting it. There is no my money your money in our house. You do what works for you but it has to be fair.

XRAT

Perhaps he should ask for a pay rise?

blitzboy

Once we moved in together 'my' money and 'her' money became 'our' money. I don't really get the whole 50/50 splitting and separate bank accounts as a couple, each to their own I guess.


I earn a fair bit more but I'm happy to share this equally, if either of us wants to make a significant purchase we just discuss it and decide whether to do it or not. If we want something small we tend to just get it, within reason. Worked well so far (since 2006).

Gloomendoom

blitzboy wrote: »

Once we moved in together 'my' money and 'her' money became 'our' money. I don't really get the whole 50/50 splitting and separate bank accounts as a couple, each to their own I guess.

If you both regard all money as "our" money, surely it doesn't matter where it is kept.

It isn't possible to have a joint ISA, for example.

blitzboy

Gloomendoom wrote: »

If you both regard all money as "our" money, surely it doesn't matter where it is kept.

It isn't possible to have a joint ISA, for example.

Yes, I think you've missed the point of the post. It is all regarded as 'our' money so is all treated the same, I'm not talking about where it's kept in particular, just our attitude towards it.


In terms of where it's actually kept, yes we have savings accounts in our own names for exactly that reason, but these are both topped up at the same time and kept level. I was referring more to the current account for general income and expenditure, our wages both go in, the bills all come out, we buy our 'treats' from there and top up our savings equally.


If we did ever separate (not that I expect to) I'd fully expect to split everything up to that point equally despite me earning more of it as we're living as a couple and it just seems the right thing to me.

Fireflyaway

It might be that finances change through the relationship. When I first moved in with my now husband, we paid the same amount each into a joint account to cover bills. Now 15 years on with a child and other joint responsibilities we work it out on the basis that we have the same spending money each after bills are paid. That means he contributes 3 times what I do. We earn different amounts but it 'our' money. Its all put towards things we both use / enjoy. There have been times he has given me money for things if I'm short and the other way around. At one point I earned more but now he does. Finances often evolve in time.
In a very new relationship I'd stick to paying equal shares.

74jax

Hubby earns way more than me and pays more towards bills than me. We have a joint account for bills and then everything else is separate.

Couldn't tell you at all how much in savings he has accurately, I could guess but no idea really. It's around 10 X mine I think.

We are comfortable and it works for us.

In a past relationship we had everything joint and I knew everything down to the last penny as I needed too. We spent everything each month and couldn't afford to go over.

Each relationship is different. As long as both people in each relationship agree then there's no right or wrong.