MMD: Should I pay more than my partner?

CiaraSherry

I earn 28500 and my boyfriend earns 17000. If we paid equally for the household stuff, I'd never get to see him because he'd have ZERO money for fun stuff.

Isn't it better to both have money for enjoying life, than one of you have loads and the other none? You are PARTNERS. Not two solo people who live together. It's not a competition, you shouldn't win by having more money. Its not their fault if they earn less. My boyfriend works in mental health. He deserves to be earning the most but the world is backwards. Paying more towards our rent is the least I can do.

LizzieFlorence

Yes you should. If the shoe was on the other foot I would expect him to contribute more. Speaking from experience a friend of mine had a similar arrangement but after a few years the inevitable happened and his earnings increased considerably and although the bills steadily increased with the cost of living her salary didn't and it left her with not much money left for herself. His attitude was that this was the arrangement they had entered upon and as they were partners 50/50 seemed right.( and by the way what was left out of his salary was his to do with as he liked) I assume by now you can see where this ended up. Fueled by resentment they are no longer together.

PasturesNew

After 8 years these questions shouldn't be asked.... you're either in a couple, or not. If you are, get married; if not, split up.

For the question: as somebody earning 25% more your aspirations and expectations about what you want, want to do - and how much is "reasonable" or "expensive" will differ greatly from the lower earning person.

Your "cheap" is their "how much???".

You need to be aware of when your spending expectations vary from your partners and learn to take it on the chin and pay for the company they will give you if you go to XYZ restaurant instead of grabbing a burger to eat at home.

While somebody with more money won't mind spending their money on higher priced items/activities, if the other person feels forced into having it/going then they'll see it as a complete waste of their lesser funds under duress.

If I've got £10 to last the month .... and you've still got £100, I'd not welcome you telling me to pay half because you want to visit a new restaurant that's "only £25 each", for a meal I don't need at a restaurant I've no aspiration to go to.

Maybe if you only went 50/50 on things you agree on .... and you did the other stuff alone you'd appreciate the value of their company and dig a bit deeper.

Even everyday utilities you won't appreciate the cost of as you're a higher earner so will have a more blase attitude to switching off lights, turning down heating, sitting under a blanket ... and they feel they're paying for your choices and not in control of their own costs.

JimmyTheWig

Can you justify to them why you are entitled to have more money than them to spend on yourself each month? E.g. do they work part-time because they are lazy? Did they turn down a promotion because they couldn't be bothered? Do you do extra shifts at work while he sits around playing video games? If so, then I think the current arrangement seems fair.

Or, if you are partners like you say, and you both work hard and it just so happens that he is in a lower paid industry than you are, or at a different point in his career, then why would you want him to have less to spend on himself than you get to spend on yourself?

DPS-2016

Personally speaking, and after being 'stung' on more than one occasion, I prefer to have separate finances. In fact, given my previous experience, I'd insist on it.

This isn't about being 'tight' or not spending money on a partner, this is about ensuring that direct debits and cheques don't bounce because someone decided to go on a spending spree with your card.

But, back to the more general point, it should be whatever you feel happy and comfortable with - hopefully after discussing with your partner. I'd certainly not be bullied into doing anything one way or the other.

What feels right? Trust your instinct - there is no universal right or wrong answer.

H1a3rt

Its up to you, every relationship is different.

Me and the wife pay the majority of our salaries into a joint account. We keep the rest and do with it as we please. That way there's no "your not spending that much on a new bike / shoes" comments.

:rotfl::T

jellybrains

My husband and I have a joint a/c for all food & bills etc. We know how much we need to pay into this each month and both pay the same percentage from our wages to get to this amount. Whatever we have left is our own.

newwiseman

If your partner has even suggested this I would seriously consider whether you have along term future. If it is your idea that is a totally different matter. If you agree to split bills when living together it does not matter what the individual earns. If one wants to help the other out by paying more out of generosity as a friend/partner then fine, but it should never be expected.

Ashagill

I have a similar situation. My partner and I have been together for nearly 10 years and we are unmarried.
We have a joint account and I earn more than him.
Every month we put in the same amount into the joint account and use it for bills, and I think this is fairest.
However with meals out he often buys more than I do but we use the joint account most of the time.
However as we are good communicators, sometimes if it’s quite a lot more money/food, I’ll say we should pay for ourselves and he will usually agree.
Same goes for if I want to buy stuff that he doesn’t.
Occasionally we will treat each other.

The only way I would concede you spending more on bills is if you were able to work out how much more water or gas or electric you were using, but purely based on income? No. You should both pay half.

John_Gray

You should separate immediately, now that your partner is questioning the comparatively luxurious lifesttyle which you enjoy. What's the point in staying with someone who is so jealous and can contribute so little?