Suspected affair - Tracking a mobile phone

NeilCr

ska_lover wrote: »

+ 2.


It is naïve and a tad 'superior' to think there is no way something like that could possibly happen in your perfect little life

Of course!



Me and her are both well over 60 and have been round the block a few times. We aren't naive - and we certainly don't have a perfect life. Wish we did.

But, if there is a problem we discuss it - face to face. The things that FBaby listed -overnight stays, men's pants, flowers etc wouldn't happen because they are clearly indicative of major relationship issues which we'd have raised. That might sort the relationship out - or it might end it - but there wouldn't be any going behind anyone's back.

As I said earlier maybe it's an age thing - maybe it's because we have had past relationship problems - maybe we've settled - maybe we don't have the energy for it all and the drama - maybe we've met the right person later in life. But, yes, we trust each other and are honest.

Perhaps, it's a tad superior to believe that, actually, couples can't have that sort of relationship.

ska_lover

NeilCr wrote: »

Of course!



Me and her are both well over 60 and have been round the block a few times. We aren't naive - and we certainly don't have a perfect life. Wish we did.

But, if there is a problem we discuss it - face to face. The things that FBaby listed -overnight stays, men's pants, flowers etc wouldn't happen because they are clearly indicative of major relationship issues which we'd have raised. That might sort the relationship out - or it might end it - but there wouldn't be any going behind anyone's back.

As I said earlier maybe it's an age thing - maybe it's because we have had past relationship problems - maybe we've settled - maybe we don't have the energy for it all and the drama - maybe we've met the right person later in life. But, yes, we trust each other and are honest.

Perhaps, it's a tad superior to believe that, actually, couples can't have that sort of relationship.

I could be wrong but I would hazard a guess that most people who are having affairs aren't well over 60 or are looking for multiple bedroom partners?

NeilCr

ska_lover wrote: »

I could be wrong but I would hazard a guess that most people who are having affairs aren't well over 60 or are looking for multiple bedroom partners?

But, you'd all decided that I was living in "la la land" without knowing all the facts. Very typical of this forum, quite frankly. .

And I think you'd be surprised.

Relationships can often start to run into problems later on. Kids have gone - they jogged along when one or both were at work and when retirement comes the full horror strikes. I've got a few friends and acquaintances in my age group where something is going on or there are separations and problems. Usually where one is happy to vegetate a bit at home while the other is still up for getting out and about and living life to the full

Not sure where multiple bedroom partners comes into the picture if I'm honest.

hazyjo

I remember my (slightly smug) best friend (after my husband had left me) saying how they talk about everything and if her hubby was tempted if would tell her. He once did and they dealt with it like adults. I think he kissed someone at work. She was so proud of how they told each other everything and it would never ever in a million years reach cheating stage...

Until she found out he was sleeping with one of her best mates. The four of them would spend weekends together and stay over. Both families had young kids at the time. It seems they'd become more than just friends! She was absolutely totally floored. She trusted him 100%.

NeilCr

hazyjo wrote: »

I remember my (slightly smug) best friend (after my husband had left me) saying how they talk about everything and if her hubby was tempted if would tell her. He once did and they dealt with it like adults. I think he kissed someone at work. She was so proud of how they told each other everything and it would never ever in a million years reach cheating stage...

Until she found out he was sleeping with one of her best mates. The four of them would spend weekends together and stay over. Both families had young kids at the time. It seems they'd become more than just friends! She was absolutely totally floored. She trusted him 100%.

Of course it happens. Be dumb to say otherwise.

And, as motorguy said earlier, it can be even more devastating for the wronged partner in this kind of situation.

Gloomendoom

hazyjo wrote: »

Until she found out he was sleeping with one of her best mates. The four of them would spend weekends together and stay over.

Did they have pampas grass in the front garden?

ska_lover

NeilCr wrote: »

But, you'd all decided that I was living in "la la land" without knowing all the facts. Very typical of this forum, quite frankly. .

And I think you'd be surprised.

Relationships can often start to run into problems later on. Kids have gone - they jogged along when one or both were at work and when retirement comes the full horror strikes. I've got a few friends and acquaintances in my age group where something is going on or there are separations and problems. Usually where one is happy to vegetate a bit at home while the other is still up for getting out and about and living life to the full

Not sure where multiple bedroom partners comes into the picture if I'm honest.

Typical of forum members to put words in the mouths of others, too...


No one has accused you of living in la la land or even implied it


Cool story.

NeilCr

ska_lover wrote: »

Cool story.

Thanks. I've got a few of them about people in my age group. Surprising and eye opening. A 62 year old having an affair with her brother in law for example. The police got involved in that one when it kicked off!

I think, also, when you get older - kids gone - mortgage paid etc you can take stock of your life and think, maybe, you have one more chance to change it. It's a bit easier.

And, seriously, speaking from experience of meeting someone later in life, you are a bit less inclined to bend. You have your way and how you see the future and you want someone who is on that wavelength. I, really, didn't expect to meet anyone and wasn't looking but we met by sitting next to each other at a Xmas meal and just clicked. And we did, instigated by her, have a talk about what we wanted before we started going out and any hard limits. Like not getting married and not living together. I should add that we have been together for ten years now so we aren't just talking about mid 60s and relationships.

Maybe that is all part of why we have that truth and honesty thing going on?

I, honestly, don't think my way is the only (or right) way. As bugslet has said it is going to be be different for different couples. But I do believe jaw jaw is better than war war - at least as a start when there is a problem (or perceived problem) rearing it's ugly head. And that's based on my (and her) experience and general observation of other relationships over the years.

Again, doesn't work 100% as hazyjo pointed out.

hazyjo

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Did they have pampas grass in the front garden?

Haha they weren't all at it, as well you know mister (or Ms! I always get everyone wrong lol)

FBaby

*But I think my bottom line is that, in general, it's best to try and talk about a problem first*
Of course it is, and most will try this. It is usually when indeed communication is severed, usually because it becomes a case of two people wanting to be heard so badly they lose the will/ability to listen that things go wrong.

You say that you are happy and settled, but someone in my family had an affair at 70 and it took everyone by surprised because in their case, they'd been married happily for 45 years and he was so in love with his wife and attentive all these years. However, when she started to suffer from signs of dementia, he couldn't cope. He became scared, and then very lonely. He felt he couldn't discuss his feelings because that was a selfish thing to do when his wife was so distressed. A friend of theirs had just lost her husband to cancer and being able to talk to each other about their grief drew them together.

I think the affair was more emotional than physical, started as a genuine friendship, but turned into more than that when they realised they needed each other. He did stay with his wife until they end, but he and the other woman moved in together afterwards. He is now 82!

It does happen even in older age!