Suspected affair - Tracking a mobile phone

qwert_yuiop

NeilCr wrote: »

One of my best friend's friends was completely convinced that my friend was having an affair with her husband.

I’m afraid I’m not sure who or which was doing what with whom here.

NeilCr

qwert_yuiop wrote: »

I’m afraid I’m not sure who or which was doing what with whom here.

Aah sorry! :cool:

My best friend is female. One of her friends believed that my friend was having it off with her husband.

Bit of a friend overdose.

:j:j

NineDeuce

Is this woman for real?

74jax

I haven't read all the replies so apologies OP, however I was in a similar position in the middle of last year.

I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something didn't 'sit right' with me. It was just hubby's behaviour, very out of character, and it totally unnerved me, spending more and more time with a female; and whereas at the start I was ok, as time went on I was decidedly not. Nothing can be worse than what is going through your mind now anyway, so you might as well face it head on.

The way I dealt with it was once I'd composed myself and was calm; discussed it with him, looking back I can't even remember how it happened/where we were. I had planned my conversation so I explained how his behaviour was making me feel, how I appreciated his friends etc this was uncomfortable for me. And he was gobsmacked. Completely. Gave me his phone, told me to go through it, gave me access to all his facebook messages, email, you name it I could look at what I wanted. To be honest I did look too, I actually WANTED to find something, I search everything, even on messages deleted.

Don't get me wrong, just because I didn't find something overnight I wasn't back to myself; by a long way. It took months.

Now this was me, calm laid back 74jax - check my posting history, I'm laid back, calm, never get stressed, nothing really bothers me and something just clicked in me. Hubby went out of his way to reassure me, above and beyond. Explained everything I had issues with, showed me who he was with and when etc.

I can honestly say it's never happened again, if anything I now get a blow by blow account of who he is out with and where and when roughly he'll be back.

He didn't shout at me, didn't think I was 'silly' because I had actual reasons as to why I felt this way and he could see where I was coming from.

I honestly would make a list of why you feel this way, gather your thoughts and discuss it with him. LISTEN to his reply, and ask questions. Snooping etc I think could drive you mad, as you will be looking and looking and inventing things to look for.


EDITED as my computer decided to change all my ' to !!!!!!! and you couldn't read it, sorry.

FBaby

*Trust however is a conscious effort to ignore the doubt and well, just trust.*
Kind of agree with you about trust vs doubt, but not with the above quote. Trust in a relationship is not just about infidelity, it's about finances, activities, health etc... If I'd ignored the doubts I had about my ex spending money because I decided when I committed to him that I would trust him regardless of my doubts, I would be in serious financial trouble now.

If she found out I'd followed her somewhere because I suspected something may be up she'd cut my b***s off. And then ask me why I hadn't simply asked her where she was going/what she was doing.

Well if you ask her, that means you have doubts, otherwise why ask at all? The only difference is whether you do it upfront or by arming yourself. You would be reassured by what your wife tells you, I would be reassured by what I see.

If the OP doesn!!!8217;t find an affair, will she stop or just think she was unlucky this time, but next time, or time after, etc.

Can't speak for OP, but in my case, absolutely. The moment I had confirmation that I hadn't been lied at a time when something didn't seem right, then that was the end of it for me. That was years ago now.

If my OH thought the same than some posters here, he would have concluded that our relationship was dead because I once felt the need to check on him and we should therefore separate. Yet all those years later, we are happily married. To be, honesty was the fact that I told him that I had these doubts and him telling me that it was ok. Actually, thinking about it now, he is the one who asked me one day when he got his new iphone if I wanted to set the tracker on because from his perspective, he really doesn't care if I wanted to check where he was. My reaction was that I would never want to intrude on his life like this. The only time I would want to check on him is if indeed, he was giving me reasons to do so, ie. and accumulation of odd things over some time, very much like OP has experienced.

NeilCr

FBaby wrote: »

Well if you ask her, that means you have doubts, otherwise why ask at all? The only difference is whether you do it upfront or by arming yourself. You would be reassured by what your wife tells you, I would be reassured by what I see.


.

But I wouldn't have asked. I trust her.

The point was about how she would have reacted if she had found out I'd snooped on her. She would have said if I had a problem with anything to talk directly to her about it. And the excellent post by 74jax underlines this.

Think your OH handled it well. Because you thought something was going on and you weren't prepared to talk openly about it. Double lack of trust there. It wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, either. As you demonstrate you can work through it

But with theOP and her previous thread I think that relationship is dead in the water

FBaby

But I wouldn't have asked. I trust her.

I understand, it's her response that doesn't make sense to me, because if you have a problem, you are being suspicious and if being suspicious means a lack of trust, why is it ok to ask for confirmation that the suspicion was wrong compared to checking yourself?

As you've said, you can see it from both side. In my relationship, it's the fact that my OH is really not bothered about the concept of being tracked because as he says, he has nothing to hide that gives the trust that I really don't need nor would want to. I feel exactly the same as he does.

Then again, it's a bit like how people react to CCTV. I couldn't care less that I'm being filmed left, right and centre because I have nothing to hide, but many people take great offence over it even though they have nothing to hide either.

NeilCr

FBaby wrote: »

I understand, it's her response that doesn't make sense to me, because if you have a problem, you are being suspicious and if being suspicious means a lack of trust, why is it ok to ask for confirmation that the suspicion was wrong compared to checking yourself?

r.

Sorry I'm not being clear.

It's hypothetical, really. We trust each other so it wouldn't come up. But, knowing her as I do, I know that would be how she would react if it turned out that I was snooping like that - and she found out, obviously. Which I wouldn't dream of doing. Nor would I have any suspicions of her.

Poppy1984

Op if you are still reading this thread I'd love to make you a cuppa give you a big hug and support you in ending this relationship you are so unhappy in. You do not have to live in an unhappy relationship. You do not have to put up with being treat badly, it really doesn't matter whether he is having an affair you are unhappy and no one should have to live like that. You mentioned you have children fast forward many years to when they are adults and imagine them telling you what you are telling us, what would you advise them? Would you want them to be happy? Please treat yourself with that same love.
I wish you all the best and I truly hope you find some peace and happiness.

AnotherJoe

bertiewhite wrote: »

A lad who used to work for me taped a mobile phone to the underside of his ex's car and tracked it.

It was subsequently found when she took it to get the exhaust looked at and he ended up getting 100 hours community service.

Whereas, had he had the wit to leave it underneath a seat it would have been "oh thats where it was, ive been looking for that thanks"