Debt Free By 2019?

onedaysomeday

Feeling a little more positive today

Had a nice evening with OH last night still having problems moving my car off quickly so we went out and tried a new way of doing it that means I pull away quicker, and he kindly agreed to drive down this morning and be early for work, and take me to his after work as I slept really, really badly and was so tired when the alarm went off I wanted to cry. So hoping for a better nights sleep tonight and a fully awake drive to work in the morning

Was due to take my car to the garage today for the steering but got calls about various contractors coming today from the bosses yesterday so it was too much hassle to try and arrange a late start and use up my lunch break so re-booked for 1st week of July when I have booked a week off. Will be so much easier. Also means I don't have to reschedule my telephone appointment with NHS Wellbeing today which I was going to have to, to collect my car. Nervous about that, not really one for talking about feelings etc and not really sure what they will ask me, but will come back and update

Really sat and looked at my budget sheets yesterday, if I'm diligent and actually stick to it, I can start setting aside my savings pots again from payday, £50 to EF, £25 into car maintenance, £15 to medical (dentist, really) and £20 to gifts, and still have £125/£150 allowance. I just need some self control!

Suggested to OH in the new year we start paying into a savings account together starting at around £100pm, should have a minimal debt figure then so should easily be do-able, and increase it after all debts are paid and car insurance has been renewed

onedaysomeday

So my telephone assessment went okay we basically re-did a questionnaire I filled out online when I referred myself, and I scored highly for anxiety etc and we agreed that I would start with online CBT course modules for now due to my working hours in the week, but if it doesn't work we would re-visit what to do going forwards. It's around 7 modules online, one per week, with telephone checkups every couple of weeks with a supporter, so will see how it goes...

Bit worried to tell OH he is always saying I'm so negative etc etc and I've been saying im trying to sort it out (which has been me trying to be able to have this telephone assessment to get started) so I'm sure he will fully support it, I just know there are people out there that get a bit funny about stuff like this and start thinking something is very wrong with their partner

We shall see

lonelyrat

Hello lovely sorry I haven't checked in in a few days and sorry that you're feeling down in the dumps What a great idea writing out everything that's stressy and potential solutions. I think that's a very positive step.

1. Try not to worry too much about your debt. It's something that happened and you're making the right decisions money-wise now and that's what's most important. It's easy to fall into the 'what if' trap - I know I do it all the time - but try and stay away from that train of thought and instead focus on the future. Life can be really hard and people get in debt for so many different reasons and dwelling on what could have been will only bring you down.

You should feel proud of yourself for the steps your taking now.

2. The running I'm sure is frustrating (can't quite understand as I don't know how anyone can enjoy it :roftl:) but it's out of your control. It may be worth it to save up to see the sports injury person. Even if it slows down any debt payments getting yourself physically well is important. Especially if it's something that has such an impact upon your happiness.

3. This ones a tough one. I'm quite introverted as well and find it hard to make new friends IRL so unfortunately may not be able to offer much help. I sometimes feel a bit down that I only really have OH and a very small number of friends. I could actually count the proper ones on one hand and others are just circumstantial. You will always have me on here though, hope it doesn't put you off posting :rotfl: You may not be able to run at the moment but are there any walking clubs around you? Might be a long shot though

4. Maybe just see it a means to an end. It pays the bills and allows you to pay off your debt which is awesome.

5. It's so hard to not compare yourself to others. I'm 27 and can't help comparing myself to other people my age, from school/ uni, from work, OH's sister etc. I totally understand how hard it is to stop yourself focusing on other people's achievements and beating yourself up about it BUT it serves no purpose. We're all different and you never know what's really happening in other peoples life. I think there's a lot of pressure to fit a certain mold by a certain age, but for some people (e.g me!) it isn't realistic. I've recently taken a bit of a break from social media and do think it's helping a little bit.

Well done on the telephone consultation :j What a positive step. I'm really proud, I would have found that very, very scary to do so well done indeed! CBT is supposed to be really good and I like the idea that you have telephone support. I would like to look into it as well but got a bit lost on the NHS website. Let me know how you get on with it and if you need anyone to talk to (who is also extremely anxious :rotfl:) then feel free to send me a message. Not sure what help I would be, but I will always do my darnedest.

Try not to worry about telling OH. I know it may be hard as there is still a bit of a stigma surrounding mental health but it may help him understand that when he's calling you negative it may not actually be a conscious decision of yours to be that way. I'm sure he will understand and it does affect a lot more people than you would think. At the end of the day you are taking the reigns and trying to improve yourself, what more could anyone want of their partner?

6. AMEN SISTER!!! I feel ya... It's hard, I always thought when I left Uni I would have a clear goal of what I wanted to do but unfortunately my minds still v. cloudy. I fell into a call center job to pay the bills when my student finance stopped and here I am 3 years later. It's kind of eroded my confidence in myself which is a bit of a shame but I'm working to get that back. I used to beat myself up about it a lot, but now have decided my goal is just to be happy however it happens.

Well done on taking steps with the gumtree ad. You may not have takers now but that doesn't mean you won't get any. You've took a step in the right direction, don't feel down about it and just keep posting. You'll get a break eventually.

Chin up you're doing great.

onedaysomeday

Thank you lonelyrat for stopping by and for all of your very very kind words

The telephone consultation was hard, I'm not the best about talking about my feelings and I ended up getting upset on the phone but I guess it is all part of the process! I feel a bit calmer today for even having taken that step

Will talk about it with OH soon, saw him last night but he has a meeting with his big boss about the result of a disciplinary so thought I would wait until he's done stressing about his worries before giving him stuff to digest :rotfl:

Thank you again for all that you have written! I feel bad that I don't have as much to write back, but feeling pretty calm and mellow today! She did point out that caffeine really does not help with anxiety, so bought some decaf before work this morning to reduce the amount of caffeine without feeling like I am missing out. I know it still has some in, but I drink quite a bit so I think it works out as a big difference across the day

PS of course it wouldn't stop me posting, it's my saving grace some days knowing I come on here and have you to talk to

onedaysomeday

Morning MSE!

Good news on the MSE front but bad news for me front, OH has had to move workplace which means I have had to cancel the weekend away I had booked for his 40th at the end of September. We were going to Italy for the weekend, which I had sneakily arranged a days holiday and his assistant manager had arranged it so he was off on the two days we didn't book. That's all gone out the window now I said I had a booked a days holiday so he either needed to cancel or book the Friday and the Sunday and he's cancelling as he has two other weekends booked off that month.

So, saves me money but equally very annoying. He has expensive taste and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth knowing if he was still with ex she would be spending lots of money and taking him away and I frankly cannot afford to do it to their old standard. Guess that's the downside of being in a relationship where I make half the money she does.

(These kind of thoughts are precisely the reason why I'm starting CBT :rotfl: )

Back to the drawing board I guess.................................

efes_shareholder

he is your OH because he wants to be , not because of what you can give him materially

onedaysomeday

efes_shareholder wrote: »

he is your OH because he wants to be , not because of what you can give him materially

I do know that on some level, it's just frustrating to know I can't give him what he used to get. But he also used to get a whole load of stress and unhappiness so I guess I shouldn't compare too much

lonelyrat

Don't worry about getting upset on the phone at all! I bawled like a baby when I went to the doctor a few weeks ago. It was a bit embarrassing at the time (only in my head though probably) but worth it because it's been the first step in getting the help I need.

I can understand why the situation is frustrating for you... But try and keep reminding yourself that he isn't with his ex, her's with you and that's a choice he's made. And you're awesome, duh

onedaysomeday

Eventful weekend - ending up driving to OH's Saturday night so that we could have a grownup evening before having the kids the next day - spent most of the day with the kids, and headed home around 7.30 ish - did not make it come until a fair bit later as I came onto a roundabout (all clear on my right) and a bus entered the roundabout from my left massively misjudging whether or not there was enough of a gap for him, and I ended up going into the rear-right corner of it. Luckily a) I'd managed to slow enough to just hit the corner and b) slowed enough that it wasn't a horribly forceful impact but still a massively unpleasant experience.

Ended up blocking the roundabout so drove down to the next one and turned around and came back up so I could pull over safely at a garage, and by the time I got back the bus (which had stopped) had gone again. However thanks to both of us reporting it online, I managed to retrieve his details for the insurance company.

OH was an absolute angel, turned his car around 30/40 minutes into his journey up north, came back to where I was, and then drove in front of me the 25-ish miles for me to get home. Couldn't ask for better with him.

Car is drive-able, bonnet is a bit dented and will need repairing and replacing and have red paint on the front right corner of my car, but that seems to be the extent of it. Insurance people were really nice about it, just waiting to find out who is liable. Pretty sure it will end up being me according to most people as I made contact with the back of his vehicle, and that will really annoy me as it's not like I rear-ended him driving behind him or not leaving a big enough gap, he pulled out across me without observing properly, but we will see. Extremely annoyed that I've had an accident in my car two months into having a license after having done everything I should have done at the roundabout i.e. slowed towards the junction, checked to my right for any oncoming cars, and carried on as nothing was there. Very, very annoying.
Didn't sleep well so tired and achy today. On the plus side, £20 cash out from PA in progress!

redofromstart

Hope you are ok, never mind the car - sounds like a horrid experience.