Limiting my parent's spending - goHenry

Sea_Shell

The other thing you could try, is by giving them a month or 2s notice that you are not going to have any spare cash for a given month....you're thinking of buying a car, booking a holiday, re-furnishing the house, whatever, and that you unfortunately won't be able to give them ANY money that month.

e.g. tell them now, that you can't give them any in, say, April....AT ALL. Then see what happens. That gives them time to adjust for the month, plan and hopefully not just double the amount they need from you in May!!!

Also, whose the real driver of this situation?? Do you keep "offering" them money to "help", or are they putting pressure on you, and "asking" for the money each month. Or are they just guilt tripping you with the "woe is me" lines.

Good luck

ent_moot

Also, whose the real driver of this situation?? Do you keep "offering" them money to "help", or are they putting pressure on you, and "asking" for the money each month. Or are they just guilt tripping you with the "woe is me" lines.

Essentially, I'm the one driving it.

When my mother lost her job, they went into financial free-fall, accumulating numerous loans, and losing huge amounts of money to credit cards, over-priced bills, car financing, services and scams. I took control of their online banking, cleared all their loans, re-negotiated every one of their bills, cancelled or re-negotiated all their insurance policies, cleared their credit cards etc.

Of course, it wasn't as simple as this: I spent months trying to get them to do it themselves to no avail. It was actually even more stressful than that present because they were oblivious to the debt they had accumulated, and every time I said "there better not be any other debt you're not telling me about".. only to find that there was.

All of this has remained under control (i.e. they have not signed up to any more loans - they know that if they did, I would be on their backs like a tonne of bricks). However, the only "missing piece" is a way to control their daily spending on groceries, petrol, gifts etc.

Kayalana99

ent_moot wrote: »

Essentially, I'm the one driving it.

When my mother lost her job, they went into financial free-fall, accumulating numerous loans, and losing huge amounts of money to credit cards, over-priced bills, car financing, services and scams. I took control of their online banking, cleared all their loans, re-negotiated every one of their bills, cancelled or re-negotiated all their insurance policies, cleared their credit cards etc.

Of course, it wasn't as simple as this: I spent months trying to get them to do it themselves to no avail. It was actually even more stressful than that present because they were oblivious to the debt they had accumulated, and every time I said "there better not be any other debt you're not telling me about".. only to find that there was.

All of this has remained under control (i.e. they have not signed up to any more loans - they know that if they did, I would be on their backs like a tonne of bricks). However, the only "missing piece" is a way to control their daily spending on groceries, petrol, gifts etc.

Right but knowing your mother (albeit from this fourm) if you give her a weekly spending limit and she runs out, and your brother has an issue that requires money, do you really think she would think twice about getting another CC or loan to help them?

I understand both POV that they are taking advantage of you, but I see from a Mother's side would do anything to protect her son (and her Grandchild) and if you going a bit short is the outcome of her keeping her Grandchild then reasoning would go out the window. Obviously you come under this 'protection' but your wife being a bit mad is a no brainer compared to the loss of a child...although it may end up long term with her leaving you if you continue down this road.

vacheron

On the grounds that no-one loses their house overnight I would cut them off and let the demands and reposession threats start hitting the doorstep, that may make them sit up and prioritise properly rather than giving their (your) money to their fcekless relatives!

trailingspouse wrote: »

For goodness sake MSE!!
F. E. C. K. less

It's a word that's perfectly acceptable in every corner of society.

Thanks goodness the OP doesn't live in S!!!!horpe...

I used to regularly post on a Horology forum that would not let you post the word "wristwatch". It took us a while to work out why. :rotfl:

Mojisola

ent_moot wrote: »

Currently, I have to top them up by between £500 and £1000 every month.

I have budgeted to be able to top them up by £500 per month for the next 3 years

I've given them a generous budget which is considerably higher than what I have for my own family; however, they are routinely over budget, sometimes by as much as £1600 in a single month.

ent_moot wrote: »

Well, that's the purpose of this thread: to put a hard limit on their monthly spending.

But you are planning to support them for at least the next three years.

If they then decide to sell their house, who is going to come up with the money for all the related expenses? You, again.

It's time for tough love - give them a schedule where your contribution to their addiction reduces on a regular basis - say, by £100 every two months. Stick to it, regardless of the sob stories.

You're not likely to cut off their money tap in one go - this way, they know what's happening and how much they have to budget as the months go by.

If you don't do something, what are the chances that you will lose your family? You are putting your parents and their support of your brother and partner above your own family.

xylophone

Rather than make gifts to the parents, the OP might formally record these as loans and register a charge against their property as security?

robatwork

vacheron wrote: »

I used to regularly post on a Horology forum that would not let you post the word "wristwatch". It took us a while to work out why. :rotfl:

Fairly surprised horology makes it through MSE's daft filter that not only thinks fcekless is somehow too nearly rude for our delicate eyes, but fianc!e also needs !!!ing.

Smodlet

"Wristwatch" took me a minute; still struggling with "horology".

ent_moot, I think you know what will happen down the line and I also think you know what you have to do unless you want your own marriage/life ruined by someone else's f*cklessness. I know it is hard, but your choice would seem to be either swim for the lifeboat or be dragged down with those who seem to happy to drown.

You know one of the most common causes of rows between partners in a relationship is money, don't you? Which relationship is more important to you? Only you can decide but fwiw, I learned long ago from my parents that blood is not thicker than water. Take a tip from Michael Monroe, maybe; "Love is thicker than blood".

Good luck.

Abbafan1972

I hope the OP managed to get it sorted - sorry to resurrect this thread.

Is gohenry any good and is it worth the £2.99 a month per child (as I want to save money and not end up spending more per month).

Thanks in advance.

Zanderman

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

I hope the OP managed to get it sorted - sorry to resurrect this thread.
Is gohenry any good and is it worth the £2.99 a month per child (as I want to save money and not end up spending more per month).
Thanks in advance.

Rather than resurrecting an 18 month-old thread that's not, actually, about GoHenry (despite the title) why not ask in a thread that is about GoHenry. Like this one:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4946848/does-anyone-have-any-experience-of-go-henry