Limiting my parent's spending - goHenry

badger09

alanq wrote: »

Has the interest-only mortgage been paid off? If not what is the plan to pay back the capital?

If you cut off funds are your parents the sort who would resort to expensive loans?

On another thread post 33, OP describes it as 'capital repayment' which will be cleared in 8.5 (now 8?) years time

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5694970

pollypenny

My sympathies, OP. You like a really good son.

Your have an awful dilemma, but maybe tough love with a LPA is the only way to go.

Sea_Shell

"My advice would be to try and limit (if not withdraw completely) your monthly support." - Sea Shell

Sorry, I realise that's what you asked in the first place....It's Monday, what can I say!!!

HOW you do that, well that's the tricky part. As others have said, either full LPA or just being ultra tough with the handouts. But i think you'll be seen as "Bad Cop" which ever way you try and deal with it. They won't want their income stream disrupted by the sounds of it.

ent_moot

Failing that can they equity release some of it? I would forget the inheritance for now, assume you'll get nothing and anything will be a bonus.

You need to make them self-sufficient and their only asset is their house, so you need to leverage it.

Currently, they do not have enough equity in their home to buy another cheaper home. After 3 years they will. Just.

Also, when they get their state pensions in 3 years, they will have enough to survive, assuming they have no mortgage and rent to pay.

If they release equity in their home now, they destroy the possibility to be self-sufficient in 3 years time plus releasing equity now would just perpetuate the problem: they would spend the money.

I'm not interested in just seeing them through the next few years or even the next decade: I want them to be self-sufficient for the rest of their lives.

What they need is to learn to spend less money. Maybe they will only learn this by losing their home and hitting rock bottom; However, given their age, it's too late for them to recover from this.

Are you sure that your parents won't leave the house to your brother, on the grounds that 'he needs it and you don't' ? That is what happend to me - then my sister went bankrupt within 2 years and lost the lot.

This has crossed my mind. I think it's very unlikely: my parents have had a life-long policy of fairness to all children. Also, I will ask them to formalise something in the near future, at least with respect to the money I'm lending to them. Regardless, all my plans assume that I will get nothing from them.

Sea_Shell

They don't sound like they are treating you fairly tbh.

Mojisola

ent_moot wrote: »

Also, when they get their state pensions in 3 years, they will have enough to survive, assuming they have no mortgage and rent to pay.

I want them to be self-sufficient for the rest of their lives.

What they need is to learn to spend less money.

What makes you think that they will suddenly learn to spend less when they become pensioners?

They are spending addicts and you are feeding their addiction.

They won't change while that's happening.

Unless you want to be financially supporting them for the rest of their lives, you will have to put drastic limits on your rescue money very soon.

ent_moot

What makes you think that they will suddenly learn to spend less when they become pensioners?

Well, that's the purpose of this thread: to put a hard limit on their monthly spending.

The YBS card is in the post. I'm planning to give them a weekly budget so the worst damage they can do is run out of money early in the week.

enthusiasticsaver

The only practical way to limit spending is cut off access to cards and give weekly cash allowances. Your parents sound like they have spent a lifetime of spending recklessly and at the moment you are picking up the tab as your dad is no longer working. To be honest if I were your wife I would be furious and telling you that you need to look after your own future. Forget inheritances and yes from the sound of it your future niece would be better off being adopted than being brought up by an alcoholic mother and depressed father and wellmeaning grandparents who are not financially solvent.

I would be looking to gradually withdraw all financial assistance for the sake of your health and your marriage. They are adults and you are not financially responsible for the whole family. Easier said than done when it is your family I know but I think in this case some tough love is needed.

fryedslyce

Ditch the losers, these people will drain you dry.

Family can be a real blessing, they can also be a curse.

Flugelhorn

this is a sort of "bank of mum and dad" in reverse. I admire the OP's efforts but suspect it is quite hard to teach an old dog new tricks